Ghost x EDC Electric Limeade Energy Drink Review

Call me a curmudgeon, but I had to look up what "EDC" was for today's review. Hey, I am not proud of it, but we believe in honest reviews around here.

The label on this shrink-wrapped can disorganized for the sake of appearing "wild" and "full of personality." In reality, it feels like the packaging for a sketchy delta-9 blunt a gas station would overcharge for. I have no idea what any of the visual elements have to do with "limeade," the alleged flavor; if my lime sprouted purple and green mushrooms, I would probably ask for a refund.

I am a pushover for citrus, lime in particular, but Ghost here fails to showcase the fruit's primary characteristic: sourness. Instead, mouthfuls are so sweet my palate began to have flashbacks to me as a stupid kid putting those synthetic sugar satchels in my mouth; this really is not terribly pleasant to sip through. Sucralose and ace-k are in charge of the sweetening and they go so far overboard you soon begin to forget the clear cocktail is supposed to be a limeade. Tartness is almost immediately cut-down by the fake carbohydrates, and all subsequent gulps just introduce more of that gross artificial saccharinity. Really, it becomes about all you can taste- where is the acidity!? Carbonation is equally disappointing, feeling like an obligation rather than a critical element of the experience.

We do get a rad 200 milligrams of caffeine, alongside familiar faces like taurine, vitamins, etc., which makes for a three hour long buzz that is easily the best and most consistent thing about Ghost x EDC Electric Limeade.

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Juice Monster Rio Punch Energy Drink Review

As The Caffeine King was on the hunt this year's annual "The Summer Edition" from Red Bull, instead a new Monster appeared, the curiously named "Rio Punch." Oh, I am sorry, this is actually a Juice Monster. Whatever. 

The can is fun to look at fortunately, the usual Monster visual language brought to life with bright colors. The back of it claims the flavor to be a "blend of exotic fruit flavors with a hint of spice," where as the website claims more specifically it to be "papaya, vanilla ice cream and black currant." Which is it!?

Upon first sip, I am surprised at how accurately the latter's mention of vanilla ice cream is. Mouthfuls have this smooth, nearly creamy texture, as if the thousands, if not millions, of little bubbles were wearing padding. It does not necessarily sip like dairy, but there is enough milky taste that it puts this Juice Monster in the upper echelon of unique energy drinks from a super-mega-canned-caffeine-cocktail-conglomerate. Sadly there is zero spice to be tasted, be it vanilla or any other, so while this does taste like vanilla ice cream, it is sadly generic vanilla ice cream. Or worse, gasp, vanilla frozen dairy dessert. As for papaya and black currant, the jury is still out, as the remainder of the experience is murky and ill-defined, citrusy without distinction. The thirty three grams of sugar, all of which is labeled "added," gives gulps a good bit of heft, but it is diluted by the inclusion of the diet sugar sucralose. I am usually a fan of these reduced calorie beverages, but the liquid passes past my tongue without leaving much of an impression.

With 160 milligrams of caffeine, the buzz is basic and unimpressive, lasting two hours. We also get B vitamins, ginseng, taurine, you know the drill. On the whole, Juice Monster Rio Punch fails to punch above its weight class. 

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Madrinas Cold Brew Cafe Mocha Coffee Review

Discounted at the local Walmart, Madrinas Cold Brew Mocha's can is without dents and the "sell by" date is months away- why is this clearanced? The can is no more than what you would expect from the realm of cold brew coffees, but for all the mountains in the distance, soft fonts and general clean aluminum real estate, the design's a real bore!

The flavor may be why the nearby megamart knocked a few percentages off- it is not any good. But first the good news- when you can get any mocha flavor, it is quite pleasant! There is depth to the cacao, implying that your next sip will introduce something new. But every imbibe is a terribly journey in sourness, a tang that would feel more at home in a greek yogurt than in a canned commercial coffee. Maybe it is the lardless dairy, thanks to only nonfat milk at work here, but something is "off" with each mouthful, the tartness battling your palate for trying to discover some nuance to the chocolate and coffee. Oh my the coffee! There is not a gulp that tastes like anything but a misguided, mutilated mocha milkshake!

For all the struggling, there is only 100 milligrams of caffeine; for 240 calories and fifty grams of sugar, that is all we get? The buzz is a chore to get to, because it is a chore to drink entirely, but once you do, it is a middling, hour and a half long buzz that simply is not worth the trouble.

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Rockstar Pure Zero Lemonade Energy Drink Review

This bright yellow can is uninteresting, a simple paint job on the bland Rockstar design template. And its flavor, Zero Calorie Lemonade, is a confusing one; how is this different, without decent research, from the company's existing Recovery Lemonade and Recovery Tea & Lemonade varieties?

The lemonade is sweet and sour, and its effervescence is crusty and laconic; this certainly is not one of the popular "recovery" energy lemonades. The biting carbonation helps elevate each sip, but it fails to escape its waist-watching sweeteners and their lack of honest weight on the tongue. Erythritol, ace-k and sucralose is the threesome of calorie-free honeys, who's only impressive characteristic is their lack of artificial bite. Lemon juice concentrate, two percent of it, help give a bit of naturalism to every candied sip, but it is not enough to aid the pale texture to the tongue; each imbibe is painfully diet with no pulpy mouthfeel.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, inositol, ginseng, guarana, and 240 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz, a fairly standard formulation the brand occasionally makes use of, is the best thing here, and nearly warrants the fairly inexpensive $1.50 paid.

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JST WRK Icee Cherry Energy Drink Review

"JST WRK?" Yeah, I sure hope it does.

I have had a lot of energy drinks, more than I am comfortable talking to my doctor about, but the design here lacks absolutely any personality, unless huge, disemvoweled text is one. I do not think so, so we sit here at our desk chair, almost flabbergasted at the gall this energy drink has for reducing its Icee license down to the smallest size possible for a logo. Why bother even paying for one if you can barely see it!? Because this is an energy drink review site, don't cha know?

The sharp red liquid hit my tongue and it immediately curled back in sure disgust- this is not a pleasant potation. The primary problem with this potent potable is its approach to cherry: it takes more inspiration from the black cherry variety than something out of a candy shop, its tangy acidity all wrong budding aside an overwhelming synthetic sweetness of sucralose and ace-k, completely stomping out any semblance to verisimilitude that this twelve ounce product possible hope to produce. Mouthfuls are awkward and jarring, with elements all over the place that work disparately and not as a team. The carbonation is perky at least, probably the only thing that kept me consuming, but not at a rate that could make gulping on this unmitigated disaster worth another imbibe. Then I remember who I am, and I press on; we believe in full-service reviews, don't cha know?

There is a cool 200 milligrams of caffeine here, so the best thing here is its three hour long buzz. Oh sure, B vitamins, taurine, etc., also show up on the ingredient list of this shrink-wrapped can, but I am The Caffeine King, don't cha know?

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Monster Hydro Purple Passion Energy Drink Review

In my prize-winning review of Monster Hydro's Tropical Thunder I said "if it truly wishes to due battle with sports drinks... the lack of a screw off cap limits its mobility." And somehow, they listened! Maybe not to me, but to their consumers, as the product's transport now has resealable top! Sure, it is far less interesting than the "plastic can" of their earlier efforts, but it shows progress, and I am touched.

The flavor is complete candy gobbledygook, tasting like melted purple popsicles. At a tall twenty five plus ounces, its basic profile is too much, overwhelming the palate with its deceptively destructive primitiveness. There is zippo in the way of nuance, red and green grapes tasted in tandem but without candor, they are sweet for the sake of containing calories, 160 to be exact with a total of thirty seven grams of sugar and glucose. Sucralose is also present, but it is buried and bruised by the stronger sugars, and does little to help the experience from being too sweet. For every decent mouthfeel the carbohydrates provide, they work without acidic supervision, making mouthfuls cloying and not particularly refreshing. The bubbly absence does increase drinkability, especially since this is basically a energy sports drink, but the serving size is too tremendous, and the sips too saccharine.

190 milligrams of caffeine offers a pretty decent kick, lasting about three hours, increased if you take your time suckling from the non-carbonated elixir. Other ingredients include B vitamins and electrolytes, the latter of which should have improved the flavor. But it did not, and Monster Hydro Purple Passion is just a big dopey purple mass of disappointment.

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My Hero Academia Plus Ultra Energy Drink Review

I have no idea what "My Hero Academia" is, except what a quick Google search tells me. And despite being an energy drink, I most certainly not the target audience here. The visuals are pretty spiffy, bright and colorful, but what does it matter what I think?!

If there was ever a power potable who's primary flavor was high fructose corn syrup, this would be it. Thirty nine grams of the sweet stuff, that is almost eighty percent of your daily intake mind you, immediately clogs the back of your throat, simultaneously gummy and grainy. It is a pretty wild mouthfeel that offers zero benefit to the drinker except to remind them of the empty calories they are imbibing, but oh well. As for what this actually tastes like, even an experienced palate such as my own struggles to identify anything inside the saccharinity- I sipped and gulped to no avail. Then suddenly, with about a third left inside the shrink-wrapped can, an extremely mild case of blue raspberry begins to break out from all the sweetness. Not that it matters though, because the few remaining ounces finishes unceremoniously. What a fitting end.

100 milligrams of caffeine, some vitamins, taurine, ginseng, and guarana makes up the ingredient cocktail. It produces a most basic kick, lasting two hours if I am both tired and generous. In the end, My Hero Academia Plus Ultra is an energy drink, and that is absolutely all you can say about it.

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