Thursday, April 7, 2016

Monster Gronk Energy Drink Review

Call me blissfully oblivious, but who the hell is this "Gronk" guy? My know-it-all friend Google calls him a football player, but that does not explain his business on a Monster can. The typical puffery on the backside of the metal does little to explain his place on energy drink shelves, however, its can is not all too shabby. The red and blue curved stripes are slimming on the bare aluminum colored can and, well actually, that is all I got.

Monster's stock flavor, you know, the vanilla, cotton candy, and apple taste the company has seemingly dozens of versions of, has been, to quote the can, "re-engineered." That is corporate lingo for Red Bull clone, though, not that the flavor was ever original to begin with. Every one of the sixteen ounces stinks of the gummy bubble gum and super sickly vanillin, strangled by an acerbic apple sapor. Glucose, sucrose, and sucralose (say that five times fast) make up the sugar-system here, fifty two grams of the stuff, a sticky and relatively sirupy sweetness, gumming up the stern of each sip. It is a mediocre saccharinity, one where a touch more of the artificial stuff would have countered the overwhelming gooeyness. Overall, this entirely uninspired ripoff of the popular beverage leaves me pining for the slightly less stale Monster-taste, something I never expected to say.

Each can contains: taurine, ginseng, l-carnitine, guarana, inositol, B vitamins, and 144 milligrams of caffeine. The kick lasts just under two hours, with a solid sugar rush partially extending that length. In the end, Monster Gronk is a stupid sounding and weak Red Bull clone from a company with too many fans to fall so miserably. Let it be said, I am not one of those fans, especially after suffering through the entire can.

official site

31 comments:

m wolfe said...

Ack! This is spot on. Was excited for a new flavor that wasn't part of the zero/ultra line. Sourness packs a serious punch. This is what I get for putting Gronk in my mouth.

Neuta said...

I just bought two cans of Gronk out of a fondness for the _Strontium Dog_ comic.

Oh, how I wish I had read your review! It tastes like a dirty jam-jar full of cleaning fluid left to bake in the sun on the steps of a boarded-up house with peeling paint where something walks in the small hours of the night but no lights ever burn.

Only less pleasant. No good can come from putting Gronk in your mouth.

Phil Vogel said...

gronk. noun. Any nasty substance, like a collection in one's belly button or between one's toes : use a Q-Tip on that gronk. - The Dictionary of American Slang

Nathan Lax said...

I couldn't quite place the taste...and then...i stumbled upon this review. it is red bull in a monster can. i don't even like Gronk. don't even know why i bought it. something different i guess...or so i thought. but now i know...and knowing is half the battle

Lynn Pratt said...

I am not a monster drinker I would much rather have a red bull but I personally think gronk taste just like red bull I actually like it better than red bull cause it doesn't have that strong after taste I hope that monster will keep making this drink cause I love it

Unknown said...

Its pretty good, redbull is less carbonated and dull. Only like the original green Monster and the low carb and absolute zero, this is in my go to Monster choices now.
ITS ALL GOOD

Unknown said...

Gronk tastes like red bull. I still love green monster and low carb

Nigel St.pierre said...

This is one of my favorite energy drinks.
Anyone else remember "Lost" that brand came out for a while but can't find it anymore...

I read above that theres a cotton candy flavored energy drink? Please share!

Nigel St.pierre said...

This is one of my favorite flavors of energy drink i've tried so far (been drinking them for 11 years...)

Anyone remember "Lost" used to love that brand dunno what happened to it.

Comments above talk about a "cotton candy" flavored energy drink - please share! Would love to try it.

Unknown said...

I just got my frst one from speedway today. I poured it in a plastic cup full of ice and i noticed red floatys swimmin around. They look similar to red pepper flakes. Anybody know if this is normal?!

BJ Cope said...

I too had red floaters in my can's yes that is plural. I'm not dead, I have consumed plenty. but i am curious as to witch ingredients are the culprits. if you look in the can the bottom has like a brownish coating which again makes me want to know?? green monster is clean no debris and no settling of ingredients in the can?

Anonymous said...

In all honesty, while I can't say you're wrong for not liking it, I personally love it. Redbull is by far my favorite drink and this is a far cheaper taste-alike. I mean, it's EXACTLY the taste of redbull for 2 dollars less.

Brad Porter said...

This tasted like Red Bull to me. At least it is cheaper than a 12oz Red Bull.

Unknown said...

I was freaked out too and took it back to get a regular one. I purchased another one from a different store and there it was again. I guess it's the new thing.. This time a Gronked it... Lol

L0RDMEPHIST0 said...

I thought it was blood.

Brook Facey said...

This is the best yet. Monster is my favorite but sometimes it is too sweet. Red Bull tastes pretty good as well but it is a little short on flavor. Monster got this right!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I found them too. I msgd monster and they had no explanations.. which was all I wanted. They're sending me free stickers.. super helpful.

Shelly said...

I'm seriously addicted to this flavor. I was a Red Bull drinker and hated how expensive it was getting. My son works at Circle K and he bought the Gronk to try it and didn't like it so he gave it to me. I won't drink another flavor now. His bosses laugh and say that they make sure to order it because they know I'll come in and buy at a minimum 4 cans (2 for $4).

Anonymous said...

found the same pellets as mentioned above, am not happy monster energy would release product with this issue of ingredients not fully mixing. And really? sending stickers. what if you just won a big game and dumped the whole can of gronk onto your face and now find out your eyes and @%$#ed from these pellets.. ima stick to Green Monster cans and they had better not mess that up either!

shannon ga said...

Wtf is at the bottom of the Gronk cans???? Someone answer...

Unknown said...

Probably got Lost lololol

Sydney Rak said...

Probably got Lost lololol

Sydney Rak said...

Also, Rockstar makes a cotton candy flavor... its called Bubbleberry. Its like a mix of bubble gum/ctn candy and it honestly is pretty good to satisfy a craving, but I wouldnt drink it daily.

chris said...

First. I only drink red bull if,1) it's free or 2) it's a j├Ągerbomb. Who would of thought monster would be the ones that perfected Red bull.

Allen M. said...

I agree with many posters that this has a flavour similar to Red Bull (ya know, sweet with that little hint of astringent) and it makes perfect sense. Why? Because Rob Gronkowski, the physically imposing TE for the New England Patriots, is the end result of an experiment in which a Jagerbomb was poured into a tub of protein powder, injected with mass gainer, HGH, and DNA from a Viking (not the sad Minnesota kind) and golden retriever, and was left to cook under a Daytona spring break sun.

dennis ruley said...

This stuff will kill you!

Anonymous said...

Best red bull cline out there. Hope they keep it around for a while. Redbull is twice the price per oz. Where I live. Regular monster is too aggressively sweet.

Anonymous said...

I found the same black pellets in my Gronk too and thought that Rob Gronkowski might be taking a tiny poop in each can. here is a video of my can: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akTpBu5vlog

It could be the caramel flavoring clumping together.

mike williams said...

i was going down the line reading the posts about gronk most of you are going to far with this drink i bought my first 2 cans at Delco drive through i thought the taste was Delicious reminds me of monster green and red bull I hope you guys continue making GRONK

mike williams said...

i was going down the line reading the posts about gronk most of you are going to far with this drink i bought my first 2 cans at Delco drive through i thought the taste was Delicious reminds me of monster green and red bull I hope you guys continue making GRONK

Snowking8 said...

Bought a Monster Gronk today, noticed it was in a new blue can and not the original silver can. New one is nasty as heck! Ingredients list has some different and new ingredients listed, and it's nasty!!! Don't think I'll be buying many more of these in the future. Just wondering if anyone else has the same reaction.

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