Full Throttle Original Citrus Energy Drink Review

"Why?"That is the question I kept asking myself after plopping this most recent remake of OG Full Throttle in my Walmart cart. Why remake it again? This is the third time as far as I can tell. Why the white can? After all, it is a color normally reserved for diet drinks. In any event, the visuals are clean, focused, and striking; this is how to do a patriotic potation right. Ol' Glory, Rip It Tribute and True Eagle take note.

"Original Citrus" reads the top of the design and my tongue confirms that declaration, and was on board for every ounce. It is bold, exciting and refreshing, utilizing sweetness and acidity in near perfect balance. Consisting of lemon mostly, it is elevated by nuances of lime and pineapple. The blend is far from creative but it does not have to be; I am a pushover for this cocktail genre, and my palate relished this light, crisp and pure experience. Utilizing high fructose corn syrup almost makes sips syrupy, but actual sugar gives imbibes a stiffer texture. We have fifty five grams between the two carbohydrates for a total of 230 calories per can. It is a lot, to be sure, which limits the commercial appeal; in a world where drinks like Bang dominate the energy drink cooler, Full Throttle needs to go on a diet.

Just 160 milligrams of caffeine can be found here, a standard amount of course, but it did not have to be. The resulting kick lasts just two hours, but despite all the sugar, there is not much of a crash. Overall, Full Throttle Original Citrus tastes just fine, but that is not always enough.

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Monster Zero Sugar Ultra Red White & Blue Razz Energy Drink Review

Maybe we need some patriotism in this day in age, but Monster here is playing with fire. Its can is about as obvious as any using the American flag as its basis, calling to mind Ol' Glory, which I am not sure is what any energy drink wants to do. Still, there is some undercaffeinated person for whom this just tickles their eye balls; I am not that person.

Crystal clear in color and smelling sweetly, our first sip errs on the flat side, which is a disappointment. Thousands, if not millions, of little bubbles look enticing, calling my tongue forward only to be crestfallen by the cocktail's muted effervescence. The flavor profile is vague but not terribly complex, blue raspberry surrounded by highlights of lime and cherry, though I cannot help but shake a touch of grapefruit lurking in here too. Things are sugar free, obviously, erythritol, ace-k and sucralose taking up the job from honest carbohydrates, but this kid-inspired experience cries out for real sugar to really drive home its sweetmeat influence. Oh well, at least things are sour, easily the best part, which creeps in slowly as the boringly bubbly beverage first hits your taste buds, but grows in intensity as it makes its way across your palate and finally goes down the hatch. It remains well after you sip, a tingly tartness that is so pleasant I kinda wish it went a bit harder; really sell me that blue raspberry impression. 

The buzz is not all that wonderful either, 160 milligrams of my namesake chemical launching a two hour long kick of average strength. Being Monster, taurine, inositol, vitamins, etc., are also here, but they do not often get my engine purring. This is a mediocre energy drink, yet there is a part of me that is just giddy at the prospect of such a proudly American energy drink predominately flavored after something not found in nature, and who's origins can be laboriously traced back to the Great Depression.

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Red Bull The Spring Edition Sugar Free Cherry Sakura Energy Drink Review

The white can, the silver bull, the blue boxes and the red text- there are just too many colors here for it to gel into a cohesive look. I am unwilling to forgive the silliness of a drink calling itself "Red" Bull, only for the cattle to be rendered in bare aluminum. Nor can I ignore just how hard it is to see the damn thing.

The transition from honest carbohydrates to the likes of sucralose and ace-k does not hinder the overall experience as much as I feared: this is still a fun, if cockeyed, little energy drink. Cherry remains the dominant flavor, but it is neither sweet nor sour: instead, it is earthy, as if the fruit was soaked in rose water and rolled in grass. This disheveled diet drink demands a very specific kind of palate to fully enjoy, and my tongue spent much of the twelve ounces distracted, rather than drooling. The bright red elixir is just as heavy on the almond as its calorie-full friend, but the nuttiness it brings to the party ends up as distant intricacy to the existing funk. Red Bull has seemingly gone out of their way to prevent their 2026 Spring Edition from achieving any commercial appeal, filling it with way too many nuances, detours and surprises that you need to have a good sense of humor to make it to the bottom of the can.

The buzz is easily the least interesting thing here. 114 milligrams of caffeine just barely gets my motor revving, and the other supplements like taurine and B vitamins are just things I have learned to spell by memory. Overall, Red Bull The Spring Edition Sugar Free is one of those rare potent potables that is better in hindsight.

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Joker Cherry Lime Energy Drink Review

Joker Cherry Lime is a flavor created specifically for its exclusivity to Circle-K, however, its can is nothing more than a palette change different from the rest of the line. That is a good thing, as the can remains remarkably clean and easy to read despite its swirly backdrop and the large chunk of writing at the bottom left.

An airy effervescence ambushes the palate with a languorous lime conglomerated with an exiguous cherry taste. The deuce of sapors are absent of any chemistry, both egregiously without the anticipated sourness. Sweetness is a triune of modified sugars, HFCS, sucralose and ace-k, an unfortunate triptych with the artificial honeys lacking the grandiose of the true carbohydrate, and what there is of honest calories approaches its job with too much trepidation to ever be convincing. Every sip lacks the substance of sincere sugar the flavors beg for: you should feel the heft from the sugar, but somehow diet wins out. With the carefree carbonation playing ignorant to their lusts, the whole thing just sorta collapses under its own weightless weight.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, caffeine (160 milligrams), and inositol. The buzz is mediocre, lasting about two hours and ends without any crash. In the end, the Joker line has never been the greatest line, but even with that in mind, this Cherry Lime variety still leaves you crestfallen.

Steaz Berry Zero Energy Drink Review

The Steaz company is back, with that comes a brand new can. Its an OK design, a very clean package, but lacking the svelte look of the previous redesign. I do appreciate the little fruit and herb illustrations however, but things here lack the edge is 100 milligrams of caffeine demands- drawings have the aluminum walls looking childish.

Flavor-wise, this is surprisingly palatable, though there are a few rough patches. The biggest no-no is sweetness, definitely. Erythritol and Stevia are the sugar duo here, but they are bogged down by the weight of the tastes of all the supplements and herbs- the yerba mate and green tea in particular washes the benign berry flavor away with their biting bitterness. Now I am all for a unique experience, a flavor less sweet than the thousands of other products, but close your eyes and you would swear every imbibe was from a generic "unsweetened canned green tea." What you can taste of the nebulous "berry" moniker is pleasant enough, but where as the earlier diet Steaz had a taste rich in acai nuance and apple influence, as well as hints of vanilla and lemon, the Steaz today is a one-note blueberry beverage. But it is diluted to the point of blandness, only exacerbated by the aforesaid acridity. The carbonation is wholly agreeable though, never strident and sips with relative ease; I feared a harsher effervescence from the "sparkling water" listed in the ingredients.

Kick-wise, there is a lot to like here, granting a clean boost with 100 milligrams of caffeine. It is short lived, but what energy you can extract here is quite nice. Each can also contains: B vitamins, vitamin C, yerba mate, guarana, and green tea. To end, Steaz Berry Zero has been reviewed here twice before, but despite all the revamps, I would never choose it over other organic energy drinks.

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Update Pineapple Energy Drink Review

The bare aluminum text struggles mightily against the dull colored background, not only is it hard to read, it is hard to snap a photo of! At least it is clean, with minimal text, zero visuals and an alleged flavor that is not a puzzle to figure out.

I should have known at the muted visuals that this would pour out clear. It at least smells appropriate, if a bit faded, so you could call me surprised when my tongue came out immediately beat up by the diaphanous drink. Not by the fruit, mind you, but by the sucralose, which works overtime to mask a bunch of supplements with lots of letters in their names. I wish the pineapple was stronger, more acidic, instead of the candied impersonation we ultimately get. Sourness is so distant, as if formulated by someone who has only ever read a description of what the South American produce tastes like. To Update's credit at least, there is a bit of an earthy freshness to each sip, going against what the aggressive saccharinity suggests, but it is but a momentary blip on an otherwise cloying cocktail. Carbonation is another sore spot: it simply is not strong enough! The bubbles die out as soon as it crashes out of the can, a shame since, if the experience did not want to go all-in with tartness, it could have helped provide at least temporary reprieve from the synthetic sugariness. But I must review the energy drink as it exists today, not the one I wish it were.

You would never know from reading the can, but Update Pineapple is caffeine free. Such blasphemy. In my namesake stimulant's place is paraxanthine, which if you are a fan of a bunch of science technobabble, is a fun read on the interwebs. Vitamin B12 is here too, and some others, but I awoke this morning needing the buzz of my life, and what I got was the feeling I just awoke from a nap.

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Dirty Mountain Dew Zero Sugar Cream Soda Dew Review

I am, if anything, happy that Mountain Dew has decided to actually tell us the alleged flavor with their newest variety. I do not, however, think there is anything dirty about cream soda, which should be velvety, rich, and, ahem, creamy- what kind of soft drinks have they been having? The can is alright, surely busy enough to keep the most immature eyes distracted from the fact you cannot really tell what is going on. Is that a desert? Is that space? Who knows?

I love a good cream soda, but Dirty Mountain Dew proves that I do not love a cream soda mixed with caffeinated citrus. Actually, that is not entire fair: the spice chosen today is a cheap one, chemical and hollow, missing the weighty smoothness of one from a small-time soft drink manufacturer who still uses glass bottles. This is in heavy contrast to the fruit, which is your usual blend of lemon, lime, melon and grapefruit. That familiar blend goes the expected candied route, living in luxury at the decision to use synthetic sugars sucralose and ace-k. This fakeness only amplifies the cream's falsehood flavor, meaning you get twelve ounces of a cheap, carbonated sherbet covered in frost way in the back of a dingy discount store's end chill-chest. A splash or two of actual milk, even if it bumped up the calorie count a tad, could have rescued this from The Caffeine King's annual "Your Drink Sucks" list, but alas, I can only review the drink in front of me, not the one I improve in my head.

Sixty eight milligrams of caffeine, in all respects, is pretty decent for a soda sold in twelve packs. The only problem is, I have another eleven cans to suffer through.

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