Tornado Storm Energy Drink Review

The Tornado line, hoping to climb out of the hole it found itself in with The Caffeine's 2015 "Your Drink Sucks" list, struggles with its refreshed design. The name itself is clunky to read, a seven letter word occupying three separate lines for some reason. Any goodwill achieved with asymmetrical decals and gritty fonts and colors comes at the cost of readability, which I dunno, is pretty important.

Fifty grams of sugar is all you taste, real sugar too, but not stopping the sickly sweetness that is HFCS in all but name. Despite chilling in the chill chest, every imbibe is warm no matter the temperature my infrared thermometer claims it to be, making the sticky saccharinity crawl across your palate like a snail on a springtime stroll. The flavor? Oh yes there must be something here, and all tasted under the obdurate sugariness is only the faintest of vanilla and apple, a Red Bull clone with a synthetic sheath clouding any verisimilitude any of the sixteen ounces could offer. Largely unnoticed despite its girth, all gulps sink in a perfunctory acidity, a sourness that would hopefully deteriorate the merciless maltose. Instead palates are battered by both the cruel carbohydrate and the tenacious tartness, birthing an undercurrent of bitterness as the tall transport is direly depleted. Overall, Tornado Storm is an experience pining for a flavor that can at least attempt to match the mediocrity of the bottle.

Each bottle contains: B vitamins, taurine, caffeine (142 milligrams), l-carnitine, and guarana. It is a wildly unspectacular buzz, lasting two hours at most, arguably only a sugar rush. To end, Tornado Storm will not be taking the world by, ahem, storm anytime soon.

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Summit Tropical Waves Pineapple & Starfruit Energy Drink Review

A Summit drink from discount grocer Aldi without the "Gridlock" branding? What is the world coming to? I appreciate these budget soft drinks though, drinking a fair few myself, but the can here has all the visual verve of an Easter basket with its soft, pastel-esque colors. Couple with stock imagery and way too much text, and you have an energy drink that is all-too obviously store brand.

The golden elixir pours out without carbonation, my eyes and ears sorely missing the sight and sound of all those little bubbles working to escape its aquatic trapping. My tongue, crestfallen by the absence of effervescence, perked up somewhat once the flat fluid flopped upon- I am a pushover for pineapple after all. And Summit here comes about as close to replicating the crunchy yellow flesh of the brightly colored tropical produce that is possible with potent potables. Sucralose sweetens alone and struggles to replicate honest carbohydrates all on its lonesome; a bit of backup from ace-k, or perhaps a few grams of actual sugar maybe, could have helped balance out the dimensionless saccharinity we do have. But by itself? It pushes all its chips forward and honeys aggressively, challenged only by a tartness that would have mother nature herself green with envy. As for the star fruit, the acidity of its less exotic friend totally smothers any chance the shaped crop has at influencing the flavor for much of the experience. Its only opportunity is right as the climax begins and the other tastes collapse, a bit of indistinct fruitiness just barely able to poke through the harsh sweet and sour profile. I did not hate this, but my body would pick just about any other pineapple potation before nabbing this twelve ounce can.

With 200 milligrams of my namesake stimulant, I am happy to report that Aldi is finally making an actual attempt at putting the "energy" in "energy drink." The three hour long buzz is not exactly spectacular, and the ingredient cocktail is otherwise very familiar, with taurine, vitamins and guarana, but the effort alone puts a caffeinated smile on my face. The rest of the drink? Not so much.

Red Bull The Spring Edition Cherry Sakura Energy Drink Review

Silver and white are not exactly the colors one associates with the vernal season, but that did not stop Red Bull from featuring them on their annual Spring Edition. The purported flavor too, Cherry Sakura, is a bit of a deep cut that surely is to raise eyebrows instead of wet palates, but so what? Curiosity is something so often absent in energy drinks, so let us crack open a can and see just what the brand has in store for us this year.

Cherry has a nasty habit of resembling medicine when not crafted carefully in these common caffeinated cocktails, but not Red Bull here. The flavor is another knockout, sweet when you expect it and sour when you need it. The drupe is robust and nuanced despite all thirty eight grams of sugar working overtime to convert it into candy store fodder; if you close your eyes, you can almost taste the earthy pit and sylvan stem as the vivid vermilion medley navigates past your tongue and down the hatch. The fruit is not so honest that you can detect individual varieties, however, but this is about as far from the pharmaceutical hodgepodge as you can get. There is a refreshing herbal finish as the saccharine syrup makes its closing arguments, an almost woody aftertaste that lurks just far enough out of sight that you struggle to pinpoint just what the heck you are tasting so late into the twelve ounce offering. And that is a good thing, because I cannot remember the last time I finished a potent potable and kept thinking about it. This is a brooding, interesting experience that proves not all energy drink drinkers pine for mainstream mud.

Yet this is where the wheels fly off, the kick. Just 114 milligrams of my namesake stimulant appear here, concocting a disappointing two hour long buzz that the brand should be better than. But this is such a wild tasting product that, you know what, who cares. I liked it regardless.

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Rip It Tribute Zero Sugar Energy Drink Review

Sporting a slightly spruced up metal transport, with mildly adjusted colors and visuals, the biggest difference to Rip It Tribute's diet cousin since we last saw it is the swap from "sugar free" to "zero sugar." I suppose the new term markets better, but it is too large, too stylized and too out of place with its font choice and angled text; for a can covered in camouflage, it sure sticks out like a sore thumb.

Rip It Tribute barrels out of the can and immediately dies an unceremonious death, mouthfuls are sporadically sour, for sure, but they lack any mouthfeel, cruising past the palate and down the hatch like a generic seltzer drinks when it is the only thing left to sip. The mandarin orange is the sweeter of the two fruits, but its reliance on sucralose and ace-k leaves things with a weightless texture and an artificial aftertaste; my tongue was never fooled into believing anything other than synthetic sweeteners were summoned. The lime is where the acidity lies and I wish the beverage leaned heavier into the tartness realm, if only to help it stand out. Carbonation is at least cocksure and helps the experience live a little, but this is sixteen ounces of missed opportunity to right a slight wrong committed to The Caffeine King on May 25, 2019. Instead, the world-renowned energy drink critic again suffers mildly.

Much like the can and taste, the buzz here is stuck in the potent potable past. With 160 milligrams of my namesake stimulant and a familiar blend of vitamins, taurine and others, the kick is a functional two hour long but entirely stock one. But do not get me wrong here, Rip It Tribute Zero Sugar is generic as hell, but it is cheap, drinkable and contains caffeine- that alone is worth something.

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Juice Monster Voodoo Juice Energy Drink Review

You are telling me that there was not already a grape juice Monster? The Caffeine King must have been hallucinating when reviewing Monster Mixxed way back in 2009. Caffeine is a drug, and if the PSA's had any truth to them, drugs will do that to you. The can is your standard issue from the company, but the avocado green really makes the lavender pop, as well as all the other superfluous elements surrounding that familiar logo.

A measly six percent juice content is apparently enough to call yourself "juice" these days; back in my day, energy drinks had something like, half the total amount of actual nectar, but I digress. The first fruit to appear is white grape, followed by lessening amounts of apple, red grape, concord grape and finally plum, and in theory this should produce a layered flavor, challenging you to think with each passing imbibe. But no, Monster here was uninterested in nuance, supplementing complexity with a saccharinity somehow kept below your average person's daily recommended amount. Thirty six grams and all added, come from that familiar band of sugar, glucose and sucralose. Their handling of the sweetness is able to keep the experience from disintegrating into a syrupy mess, at least. The grape itself is basic and unchallenging, but not as aggressive as an actual cupful of the juice you would buy from the store. It strikes right between munching on both red and green grapes simultaneously, though obviously without the actual health benefits. That is not to say this is not pleasant, because it most certainly is. The child in me adored its innocence, filling my head with recollections of sucking on frozen ice pops in the summer heat. Problem is, I am now a grumpy elder pissed that the memories are now just that.

Just 160 milligrams of caffeine, come on, man, can we not get a few more just once? Vitamins and other supplements (ranging from taurine to inositol) also appear on the back of the crazy can. Overall, Juice Monster Voodoo Juice may be easy to drink, but it holds itself back by a relentless familiarity, and chronic lack of ambition to do anything about it.

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Alani Nu Cherry Bomb Energy Drink Review

Who needs those heart-shaped boxes of chocolate when you can have Alani Nu Cherry Bomb, the romantic energy drink. Or so I am assuming, considering its appearance on store shelves this Valentine's Day. I do enjoy the brand's visual energy, hesitant with text but heavy on the personality, your eyes could spend days soaking up each element individually.

The Caffeine King's Law states that, what smells like medicine will taste like medicine, and that is exactly what happens here. The caramel colored cocktail had never seen nor tasted a cherry before, be it from nature or candy store; the fruit deconstructed and destroyed so brutally that the usual features we look for, like sweetness or acidity, are nothing but words in my review. With zero total grams of sugar, it should come at no surprise that sucralose and ace-k are the experience's sweetener system, but they prove no match for the overwhelming taste of chemicals inside this pretty can. Effervescence is another sore spot, sips sipping like the thousands of little bubbles that should be present peaced out in protest. As I suffered through ounce after ounce, my tongue became so deadened to the antipathetic astringency that things almost resembled a lousy cherry cola. There is no vanilla here, no spice and certainly nothing I would ever willingly drink again, but somehow, the essence of the fleshy drupe sneaks its ugly head in, like a seltzer on a bad day. This is an anti-energy drink.

We at least get 200 milligrams of caffeine, as well as ginseng, taurine and vitamins, but did you not just read what this tastes like? You should run, far away, and just get yourself some Peeps instead. This potent potable just sucks, I would rather be alone on February 14th than suffer through this again. Thank you Alani Nu for getting the "worst energy drink of 2026" out of the way for me just two months in.

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Liquid Death Murder Mystery Sparking Energy Drink Review

Liquid Death? Opposed to what, solid life? Many a times have I eagerly grabbed a can of the brand, mistaking its accelerated ubiquity in stores as some new type of energy drink. But today, finally, that dream came true. I do really enjoy the can here, even though its twelve ounce offering is a bit on the small side. And yes, I can even forgive all the text, which bleeds into the screaming skull decal- what can ya do?

But what kind of flavor is "Murder Mystery?" According to the crystal clear cocktail that pours out from Liquid Death's aluminum transport, the answer is: manically medicinal. Deliberately eschewing stock sweeteners such as sucralose or ace-k, we have allulose and stevia leaf extract, giving each obscured mouthful of misbegotten cherry impersonation this contentious funk that starts the second the liquid touches your lips, and sticks around well after you gulp each gulp down. The ructious earthiness runs afoul without any acidic intervention, so that every mouthful is unorganized and unbalanced. There is a touch of a creamy finish, the potent potion's only real claim to any nuance, but it comes at the cost of the primary selling point of seltzers: the carbonation. What should pound your palate into effervescent submission instead lies relatively flat on the tongue, the little bubbles too coy, their life too short, to truly make any sort of impact. And as I type all this down, I still, still, have so much left to drink, my first real struggle of 2026.

All this disharmony, and just 100 milligrams of caffeine to enjoy. The hour or so long buzz does not disqualify the discordant drink from my wrath, which will most certainly remember this by the time "Your Drink Sucks" comes up later.

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