Monster Strawberry Shot Energy Drink Review

What is Monster doing? They have all these different sub-lines, and they decided to risk their premier product by shoehorning in strawberry? And what is worse is the visuals: the crimson gradient and flavor text is all we get to differentiate this from their flagship variety. Listen, if I were in a rush and was craving a can of the famous soft drink for some reason, I could easily pick this can up by mistake, and I refuse to take responsibility for that hypothetical.

My palate probed for any of the promised, fleshy red fruit, but all it got was exhausting familiarity. Bubble gum, Granny Smith apple and vanilla, with perhaps a touch of white grape, crashes down on the tongue with all the grace an energy drink called "Monster" can have. It is something this energy fiend has experienced hundreds of times (but who is counting), but because I am constantly on the search for new potent potables, there is a certain level of comfort in its boilerplate. Sugar, glucose and sucralose sweeten and they go overboard; with fifty three grams of the sweet stuff (over 100% of your daily intake, I might add), I can just feel my dentist waking up in a cold sweat at yet another cavity to fill. Still, despite that brobdingnagian quantity, most sips are more sour than saccharine, which I appreciated. But as the gulps keep being gulped, the only difference comes towards the end, where the acidity dissipates and is replaced by a newfound sweetness, some indistinct fruitiness lurking well beneath the taste of simple carbohydrates. It is probably the strawberry that the can talks about, but why is it so afraid of its own flavor?

With a decent 160 milligrams of caffeine, not to mention all that sugar, the buzz here is a decent, two and a half hour long one. I should probably also disclose the involvement of things like B vitamins, taurine and inositol, so there, I did. In the end, Monster Strawberry Shot is another, self-cannibalizing offering from the energy drink heavyweight.

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Bum Root Beer Energy Drink Review

What kind of name is "Bum?" The can is certainly better dressed than any panhandlers I have seen on the side of the street, with minimal text and retro visuals. I really like how it looks, though one wonders if "root" is the kind of beer homeless folks pine for.

A crack of the can exposes a most beautiful scent, an odor so on-point for the tonic taste it counterfeits. So imagine my disappointment when it pours out crystal clear! What gives? Fortunately, the flavor is far better, less "Bang Root Beer Blaze" and more, well, I am not sure- that is like, a quarter of all root beer energy drinks featured here from world-renowned The Caffeine King. Vanilla is the staring player, creamy in all the right places despite a calorie count clocking in at an itty-bitty five. Yet it is so unlimitedly velvety that you would swear actual dairy was used here, but no, just "natural flavoring" doing a damn fine job. There is less spice than perhaps my tongue had hoped for, the sassafras strangling the palate once the creamy cascade climaxes so that the brief cinnamon birthing at the tail end of each imbibe is underdeveloped. The flavor is quite good, actually, achieving the soda pop portrayal so perfectly that it is a massive shame how the whole experience is let down by a carbonation uncommitted to proper impersonation. The weak bubbles kneecap what could have been a world-class product, one that bridges the gap between energy and soft drinks. 'Tis a shame.

Just 112 milligrams of caffeine is what my body has to work with, well, that and citicoline, if you are looking for a ten-letter word for "buzzy stimulant." The kick is pretty lackluster, lasting an hour and a half at most, my person acting as if they had simply sipped on a Mtn Dew or something. Overall, Bum Root Beer may not be perfect, but it sure is tasty.

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Tornado Storm Energy Drink Review

The Tornado line, hoping to climb out of the hole it found itself in with The Caffeine's 2015 "Your Drink Sucks" list, struggles with its refreshed design. The name itself is clunky to read, a seven letter word occupying three separate lines for some reason. Any goodwill achieved with asymmetrical decals and gritty fonts and colors comes at the cost of readability, which I dunno, is pretty important.

Fifty grams of sugar is all you taste, real sugar too, but not stopping the sickly sweetness that is HFCS in all but name. Despite chilling in the chill chest, every imbibe is warm no matter the temperature my infrared thermometer claims it to be, making the sticky saccharinity crawl across your palate like a snail on a springtime stroll. The flavor? Oh yes there must be something here, and all tasted under the obdurate sugariness is only the faintest of vanilla and apple, a Red Bull clone with a synthetic sheath clouding any verisimilitude any of the sixteen ounces could offer. Largely unnoticed despite its girth, all gulps sink in a perfunctory acidity, a sourness that would hopefully deteriorate the merciless maltose. Instead palates are battered by both the cruel carbohydrate and the tenacious tartness, birthing an undercurrent of bitterness as the tall transport is direly depleted. Overall, Tornado Storm is an experience pining for a flavor that can at least attempt to match the mediocrity of the bottle.

Each bottle contains: B vitamins, taurine, caffeine (142 milligrams), l-carnitine, and guarana. It is a wildly unspectacular buzz, lasting two hours at most, arguably only a sugar rush. To end, Tornado Storm will not be taking the world by, ahem, storm anytime soon.

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Summit Tropical Waves Pineapple & Starfruit Energy Drink Review

A Summit drink from discount grocer Aldi without the "Gridlock" branding? What is the world coming to? I appreciate these budget soft drinks though, drinking a fair few myself, but the can here has all the visual verve of an Easter basket with its soft, pastel-esque colors. Couple with stock imagery and way too much text, and you have an energy drink that is all-too obviously store brand.

The golden elixir pours out without carbonation, my eyes and ears sorely missing the sight and sound of all those little bubbles working to escape its aquatic trapping. My tongue, crestfallen by the absence of effervescence, perked up somewhat once the flat fluid flopped upon- I am a pushover for pineapple after all. And Summit here comes about as close to replicating the crunchy yellow flesh of the brightly colored tropical produce that is possible with potent potables. Sucralose sweetens alone and struggles to replicate honest carbohydrates all on its lonesome; a bit of backup from ace-k, or perhaps a few grams of actual sugar maybe, could have helped balance out the dimensionless saccharinity we do have. But by itself? It pushes all its chips forward and honeys aggressively, challenged only by a tartness that would have mother nature herself green with envy. As for the star fruit, the acidity of its less exotic friend totally smothers any chance the shaped crop has at influencing the flavor for much of the experience. Its only opportunity is right as the climax begins and the other tastes collapse, a bit of indistinct fruitiness just barely able to poke through the harsh sweet and sour profile. I did not hate this, but my body would pick just about any other pineapple potation before nabbing this twelve ounce can.

With 200 milligrams of my namesake stimulant, I am happy to report that Aldi is finally making an actual attempt at putting the "energy" in "energy drink." The three hour long buzz is not exactly spectacular, and the ingredient cocktail is otherwise very familiar, with taurine, vitamins and guarana, but the effort alone puts a caffeinated smile on my face. The rest of the drink? Not so much.

Red Bull The Spring Edition Cherry Sakura Energy Drink Review

Silver and white are not exactly the colors one associates with the vernal season, but that did not stop Red Bull from featuring them on their annual Spring Edition. The purported flavor too, Cherry Sakura, is a bit of a deep cut that surely is to raise eyebrows instead of wet palates, but so what? Curiosity is something so often absent in energy drinks, so let us crack open a can and see just what the brand has in store for us this year.

Cherry has a nasty habit of resembling medicine when not crafted carefully in these common caffeinated cocktails, but not Red Bull here. The flavor is another knockout, sweet when you expect it and sour when you need it. The drupe is robust and nuanced despite all thirty eight grams of sugar working overtime to convert it into candy store fodder; if you close your eyes, you can almost taste the earthy pit and sylvan stem as the vivid vermilion medley navigates past your tongue and down the hatch. The fruit is not so honest that you can detect individual varieties, however, but this is about as far from the pharmaceutical hodgepodge as you can get. There is a refreshing herbal finish as the saccharine syrup makes its closing arguments, an almost woody aftertaste that lurks just far enough out of sight that you struggle to pinpoint just what the heck you are tasting so late into the twelve ounce offering. And that is a good thing, because I cannot remember the last time I finished a potent potable and kept thinking about it. This is a brooding, interesting experience that proves not all energy drink drinkers pine for mainstream mud.

Yet this is where the wheels fly off, the kick. Just 114 milligrams of my namesake stimulant appear here, concocting a disappointing two hour long buzz that the brand should be better than. But this is such a wild tasting product that, you know what, who cares. I liked it regardless.

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Rip It Tribute Zero Sugar Energy Drink Review

Sporting a slightly spruced up metal transport, with mildly adjusted colors and visuals, the biggest difference to Rip It Tribute's diet cousin since we last saw it is the swap from "sugar free" to "zero sugar." I suppose the new term markets better, but it is too large, too stylized and too out of place with its font choice and angled text; for a can covered in camouflage, it sure sticks out like a sore thumb.

Rip It Tribute barrels out of the can and immediately dies an unceremonious death, mouthfuls are sporadically sour, for sure, but they lack any mouthfeel, cruising past the palate and down the hatch like a generic seltzer drinks when it is the only thing left to sip. The mandarin orange is the sweeter of the two fruits, but its reliance on sucralose and ace-k leaves things with a weightless texture and an artificial aftertaste; my tongue was never fooled into believing anything other than synthetic sweeteners were summoned. The lime is where the acidity lies and I wish the beverage leaned heavier into the tartness realm, if only to help it stand out. Carbonation is at least cocksure and helps the experience live a little, but this is sixteen ounces of missed opportunity to right a slight wrong committed to The Caffeine King on May 25, 2019. Instead, the world-renowned energy drink critic again suffers mildly.

Much like the can and taste, the buzz here is stuck in the potent potable past. With 160 milligrams of my namesake stimulant and a familiar blend of vitamins, taurine and others, the kick is a functional two hour long but entirely stock one. But do not get me wrong here, Rip It Tribute Zero Sugar is generic as hell, but it is cheap, drinkable and contains caffeine- that alone is worth something.

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Juice Monster Voodoo Juice Energy Drink Review

You are telling me that there was not already a grape juice Monster? The Caffeine King must have been hallucinating when reviewing Monster Mixxed way back in 2009. Caffeine is a drug, and if the PSA's had any truth to them, drugs will do that to you. The can is your standard issue from the company, but the avocado green really makes the lavender pop, as well as all the other superfluous elements surrounding that familiar logo.

A measly six percent juice content is apparently enough to call yourself "juice" these days; back in my day, energy drinks had something like, half the total amount of actual nectar, but I digress. The first fruit to appear is white grape, followed by lessening amounts of apple, red grape, concord grape and finally plum, and in theory this should produce a layered flavor, challenging you to think with each passing imbibe. But no, Monster here was uninterested in nuance, supplementing complexity with a saccharinity somehow kept below your average person's daily recommended amount. Thirty six grams and all added, come from that familiar band of sugar, glucose and sucralose. Their handling of the sweetness is able to keep the experience from disintegrating into a syrupy mess, at least. The grape itself is basic and unchallenging, but not as aggressive as an actual cupful of the juice you would buy from the store. It strikes right between munching on both red and green grapes simultaneously, though obviously without the actual health benefits. That is not to say this is not pleasant, because it most certainly is. The child in me adored its innocence, filling my head with recollections of sucking on frozen ice pops in the summer heat. Problem is, I am now a grumpy elder pissed that the memories are now just that.

Just 160 milligrams of caffeine, come on, man, can we not get a few more just once? Vitamins and other supplements (ranging from taurine to inositol) also appear on the back of the crazy can. Overall, Juice Monster Voodoo Juice may be easy to drink, but it holds itself back by a relentless familiarity, and chronic lack of ambition to do anything about it.

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