I should have known at the muted visuals that this would pour out clear. It at least smells appropriate, if a bit faded, so you could call me surprised when my tongue came out immediately beat up by the diaphanous drink. Not by the fruit, mind you, but by the sucralose, which works overtime to mask a bunch of supplements with lots of letters in their names. I wish the pineapple was stronger, more acidic, instead of the candied impersonation we ultimately get. Sourness is so distant, as if formulated by someone who has only ever read a description of what the South American produce tastes like. To Update's credit at least, there is a bit of an earthy freshness to each sip, going against what the aggressive saccharinity suggests, but it is but a momentary blip on an otherwise cloying cocktail. Carbonation is another sore spot: it simply is not strong enough! The bubbles die out as soon as it crashes out of the can, a shame since, if the experience did not want to go all-in with tartness, it could have helped provide at least temporary reprieve from the synthetic sugariness. But I must review the energy drink as it exists today, not the one I wish it were.
You would never know from reading the can, but Update Pineapple is caffeine free. Such blasphemy. In my namesake stimulant's place is paraxanthine, which if you are a fan of a bunch of science technobabble, is a fun read on the interwebs. Vitamin B12 is here too, and some others, but I awoke this morning needing the buzz of my life, and what I got was the feeling I just awoke from a nap.
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