Sunday, October 19, 2014

NOS Charged Citrus Zero Energy Drink Review

NOS Charged Citrus was a second-rate Mtn Dew clone with the word "energy" written on it, but at least you knew its flavor just by looking at it. Thanks to the soda industry, green means "citrus" when it dyes a can, so why all the yellow and white? My bleached backdrop to shoot photos blurs into the wan background and the drab logo of this sixteen ounce beverage, and the only color is never appealing against it.

When the opaque yellow elixir hit my mouth I was like "wow, this is pretty good," but the premier sip finishes with your face wearing several shades of disgust. What commences as a promising citrus punch is quickly discovered to be a relentless exercise of corporate ennui. You taste a singular taste comprised of dampened lemon and dry grapefruit instead of an intricate braid of the flavors, a reductive experience made all the worse by a musty wateriness and chloroformed sweetness. Effervescence is crude yet impuissant, damning the tongue with coarse boredom that scratches as it is forced down your throat. Palates bruised and burned by this pint of chemicals, NOS Charged Zero disappoints.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, caffeine (160 milligrams), and guarana. This booms a mainstream kick of three hours and temperate strength, and is probably the highlight here. And when a mediocre buzz is the drink's greatest strength, well, the drink is just not very good.

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Saturday, October 11, 2014

Vuka Think Zo-Cal Energy Drink Review

The look of the can remains fantastic: the resealable aluminum container looks and feels so different from anything else chilling in my chill chest. The argent ornamentation works wonderfully against the inviting purple color, although the "Zo-Cal" line is a useless variation of "zero calorie."

The silver cap cracks open with must hesitation, my tongue trembles with the memories of the unsatisfying Workout version most recently reviewed. My nose is excited however, a scent so alike a child's popsicle. The flavor? Not so bad, but remains a disappointment. Anemic effervescence does little to excite the flaccid flavor of pomegranate, who remains something of the lone fruit in every of the sixteen ounces. The lychee taints the palate indistinguishably, nothing more than a deadened braid of pear and red grape, torpid tastes drowned in the relentless monotony of each sip. Stevia sweetens and it is a shame is does, a saccharinity more bitter than sugary and brings an unpleasant earthiness to the experience that no one lusted for. Still, miles ahead of its "Berry Lemonade" brother, this is the Vuka to get if you are on a diet, preferably for a long time; by then, you should be used to blandness.

Each can contains: caffeine (160 milligrams), B vitamins, ginseng, and l-theanine. The energy from this energy drink is exactly like what you should expect- a three hour, jitter free buzz. All in all, Vuka Zo-Cal Think looks better than it is, with the closable metal cap and funky shaped can. Its taste and kick? Completely mediocre.

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Friday, October 3, 2014

AMP Dale Dr. Sour Energy Drink Review

A least favorite of mine throughout my long tenure drinking energy drinks is Amp Tradin' Paint. A beverage from 2009, it has been holding its place on my "worst taste" section since it first met my tongue. So my enthusiasm for this bright green Nascar version? Very weak. Besides, who wants to drink a sour racecar driver? What the hell kind of flavor is that?!

There is an overall grape taste, a rough yet heavily diluted cross between red and white varieties; without the individual depth of either, each gulp is heinously awkward. Sweetness is stifled especially for fifty six grams of the stuff, and does not work for either colored variety, leaving a ton of pressure on the sour artifice. Only never is the experience sour! A little tart maybe, but what sugariness can be found cancels out any extreme acidity. Wait, wait a minute- about four ounces remain and things are picking up: the few surplus sips have a grainy sourness to them, tasting more like Sweet Tarts in a can, as if the contents had settled. Perhaps I should have given this a quick shake before opening? Naw, I should have just thrown it away.

For energy, there is an inferior buzz, lasting an unimpressive two hours for a drink of this size. Each can contains: caffeine (156 milligrams), guarana, taurine, ginseng, and B vitamins. On the whole, Amp Dale Jr. Sour is as stupid a product as it sounds. Only worse.

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Thursday, September 25, 2014

Zest Tea Pomegranate Mojito Green Energy Tea Review

I drink coffee: nature's energy drink, bitter when black but that is the only way to drink it. So when it comes to tea, well, I think James Bond put it best when he called it "mud." Pomegranate Mojito is one of several Zest Tea varieties, arriving in a paper-wrapped metal tin of twenty serving. There is quality when held in hand, but top belt gloating its caffeine content is too large, as is the nethermost black test.

The sachet swam in boiling Adam's Ale for five minutes before I took a sip. Its packaging takes pomegranate for granted, the vermilion delicacy hardly noticed within the natatorial tempest. You can at least sense the spearmint, less of a taste and more of a sensation to gently chill the palate from the scorching water, crafting a weird affair that is cooling on a warm day yet warming on a cool day. Citrus? There is not much of any either. Bitterness is equally diluted here, a passive experience with a lot of depth, if you can taste it- then again that may have been the point. Its tepid mouthfeel and washy depth is outrageously refreshing, quenching in a fashion coffee or energy drinks often cannot.

A pyramid pouch provides 140 milligrams of caffeine, a fantastic amount that leads to a rocking buzz. Lasting two plus hours from a sole serving is impressive, and easily the highlight here. There is promise to Zest Tea, with its modern packaging, pleasant taste and kicking kick.

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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Rockstar Pure Zero Mango Orange Passion Fruit Energy Drink Review

Bright orange should just jump off of this can's blackness, but its unfocused fore and background has eyes offering only a fleeting glaze. It is loquacious and unrelenting, tedious to look at and even more so to think about. The inconsistently textured aluminum should feel more important in the hand, but it is a trite and forced premium quality today cliche like chrome accents on a Nissan Versa.

Nose excited but palate quaking, the cologne from the can would work in a pinch behind the ears before a date. But our first sip is whole heartedly lackluster, pale impersonations without multiplicity or respect. Mango, orange and passion fruit are text most irrelevant, words having little to do with the experience. The trilogy of flavors should be symmetrical and intricate, with nuance, texture and robust saccharinity. The reality is an invariable taste, an obtuse lump of sorrowed xeroxes. With only the most manufactured sweetness, the watery mouthfeel has ever ounce painfully and frustratingly disconcerting. This disturbed potation is but another rusty cog in the ill-oiled Rockstar machine.

Here is the drink's saving grace, well, it tries and nearly does. 240 milligrams of caffeine is a mighty quantity, and the four hour kick has a lot to thank for it. Each can also contains: B vitamins, taurine, inositol, milk thistle, ginseng, and guarana. Ugly, ungainly and unsatisfying, Rockstar Pure Zero Mango Orange Passion Fruit is an energy drink I would not give another look on Big Lots' shelves. Somehow, this is on many convenience store shelves.

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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Caffeine Vape Stix Review

From the makers of the peculiar Energy Shisha comes this smaller but more potent offering, a build with the feel of a pen cartridge. Its matte finish is slippery to hold but far less ostentatious than its predecessor. Its packaging however, despite the perforated back, was not as convenient to dig into than it should.

The flavor? Analogous to the original, if only more saccharine. But it is more than that- the obligatory vanilla propitious in the creamy fog of each draw, steam steeped with an apple tartness for something more than nuance. Each puff satisfies the palate with vapor tasting of something other than tobacco, but every expelled cloud lacks the weight of true cancer sticks. A trademark of all electronic cigarettes? I do not know, you would have to ask a quondam smoker. But there is such novelty to each drag of this svelte cylindrical, and that is where this won me over.

Twice the caffeine as its bigger brother, with probably equal quantities of taurine. Ten inhales and my morning craving was satiated, though throughout the day this was often found dangling from my lips. Overall, Caffeine Vape Stix may be the true replacement for your morning coffee and cigarettes. Probably not your caviar, though.

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Monday, September 1, 2014

Liquid Ice Blue Energy Drink Review

Cans twice the size of Liquid Ice Blue argue the purpose of this eight ounce antiquated aberration. You can even buy this drink in larger transports, no doubt too leave drinkers crestfallen by this petite adaptation. The design is decent but corporate, though all the necessary text glows wonderfully off of the creamy azure background.

There is a proclivity of such small drinks, promoted as mixers, to be Red Bull clones. What do we have here? Blueberry- not fresh off the bush mind you, rather persuasively sweet and slightly sour with immature grace. It is a buoyant beverage, with dancing carbonation and bubbly fruitiness. Zero complexity is forgiven with an exchange for candy influence, some stilted citrus symbolism and powdery tartness thrown in for fun. My tongue argues pomegranate and cherry, perhaps agave, play in each sip, pointless protest in a flavor this outrageously innocent and puerile. Liquid Ice Blue is a sweetmeat soft drink for adults; a simplistic and effervescent experience that commits against depth despite its presence.

Each can contains: caffeine (eighty milligrams), inositol, taurine, and B vitamins. The kick lasts an hour, not ending in a crash but gave me slight jitters. Overall, I venerate Liquid Ice Blue's taste, but not its can or kick.

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Sunday, August 24, 2014

Verve Energy Drink Review

Forgiving its narrow size, this bouncy metal transport is quite nice, clean and great to look at, although its effervescence will likely disenchant drinkers of self-appointed "hardcore" energy drinks.

Perfume of only the freshest canned OJ escapes with a crack of the copper colored pull tab. Our first sip has us thinking of the morning staple, only to wish we had it instead. The fluid is fat and fleshy, traversing tongues with grandiose heftiness, drinking smoothly yet with powerful substance. Interesting to drink without being distracting; this is a motley paced perfectly. So this sounds like a positive review, huh? Well, no, we have only revered its mouthfeel. The flavor in all of this? It is certainly orange, a one-dimensional and fruitless attempt at the tropical sphere of goodness. Perhaps it is more tangerine than its rhymeless relative, but either way you peel it, it is a stock citrus with queer nuances of carrot and without freshness. It is drinkable, but not quite the paradise for the palate its texture connotes.

Each can contains: caffeine (eighty milligrams), taurine, inositol, chloride, d-ribose, green tea, A, B, C, and many B vitamins. Its potency is average for its size, an hour or so hours long without jitters or following crash. Chiefly speaking, Verve Energy is, a peppy can filled with an immeasurably rocky taste and generic kick, the very definition of a mixed bag.

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Saturday, August 16, 2014

RuckPack Energy Shot Review

This is not my favorite bottle; its confidence is clear as is its theme, but no angle is obviously the main one. The prolix shrinkwrapped plastic canister is fairly unique to hold, and is appreciatively a rather creative premise for a shot, but my pictorial praises end there.

Is it blood orange? Maybe, if you simmered it to a bubbling syrup and took a sip. A sourness where lips pucker with pleasure, its acidity would make Sour Patch Kids envious. Fructose sweetens and we love every moment of it, giving swigs fantastic weight on the tongue, even with the bitterness of Stevia in each gulp. Hell, it does not just camouflage the earthiness, it high fives it! The dual saccharinity is more mature than anticipated, far more balanced in a way Vuka Workout Zo-Cal never was. From two ounces, there is zero complexities or nuance, an experience experienced in seconds. But make this a pint, and we could have something here.

Each bottle does not contain caffeine. Let us make that clear. It is what makes the taste so tasty, but should prove to be a madly segregating decision. Actual ingredients include: B vitamins, vitamin C, D, and a slew of loquacious supplements. Its kick was different, like drinking OJ while suffering from a cold, and will not replace an average Joe's morning joe. Overall, RuckPack Energy Shot will have its fans and haters, with me leaning more towards the former.

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Friday, August 8, 2014

Vuka Workout Zo-Cal Energy Drink Review

Four years since Vuka last rested in my palm, and not much has changed. Two sugar free variations now exist, with silver trim for distinction. Today we are looking at the diet Workout adaptation, a waistline friendly adaptation of their berry lemonade. Its design is playful and charming, something you have fun looking at while taking it seriously. The resealable aluminum is a woefully underused artifice, giving this crimson can a terrific first impression.

Stevia sweetens, for better or worse- scratch that, it is for worse. Each sip is an unenthused hodgepodge of oblique fruits, neutered of the citrusy or berry flavor promised on the attractive five cent returnable. They are exchanged for an astringent earthiness from the honey alternative, something that might ironically work better with a greater saccharinity. Its harsh effervescence grates the throat, leaving the palate tender to the burn of the bored bitterness. Surely this must taste like something specific, but your tongue could only hope and lust. Dead strawberry buried in all the unfortunate aforementioned, linked languidly to cranberry and some cherry. Lemon is represented even less, as it was with the original, but without any sourness, its stamp on the can is all the more inconsequential. This Vuka is a vexatious version that simply did not have to be. Made, that is.

Each can contains: B vitamins, potassium, and caffeine (160 mg). Two and a half hours is all one should expect here, a decent boast nothing new from an energy drink. In the end, Vuka Zo-Cal Workout is a disturbingly disappointing affair, surprising considering the original was only adequate.

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Thursday, July 31, 2014

Sin Thirst Sin Hemp & Lemon Energy Drink Review

Spiritless silver flirts sophistication with its regal graphics, but what business does the green have here; the flavor is "lemon" and not "lime." Maybe it is colored after that of hemp. Its sober visuals and textured can try far too hard to make this the premium energy drink it wants to be; it is too small and obscure to have had any chance escaping that infamous orange price tag.

Pheromones of the equally sinful Stacker 2 Sinful Citrus flood from the opened can, keeping alive the brand's tradition of ugly odors. Graciously, the flavor here is decent; indeterminate citruses miff its dull pear and pineapple suggestions. All sips taunt tongues with something of a nutty nuance, but this is far too relaxed an experience to provoke such depth. Tartness and feisty effervescence justify the stolid saccharinity, although its artificialness is nobly camouflaged. Every ounce is spent pondering rather than enjoying. Then at the bottom of the can, when you have gathered your thoughts on what flavors make up the flavor, you never truly form an opinion on it.

Vitamin C, caffeine, guarana, horny goat weed, B vitamins and some others make up this energy blend. The buzz lasted an hour, two if bribed, and my beef bayonet demonstrated no more moment than he typically does. As an herbal soft drink you could not do much better. Fact is, this dissimulates as an energy drink, and that is how it gets a thumbs down.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Loop Lemonade Energy Drink Review

A generic entry into the useless realm of hydrating lemonade energy drinks, this one from K-Mart is a true sight for sore eyes. Though auspiciously absent is any "rehab" synonym, the positives end directly there. Yellow dominates the can with aggression not passion, an ugly shade desperate for anything of a complementing color. What ever the graphic towards the middle is does not work; vague and uninteresting and adding only more ugliness.

Nothing to the nose and less to the tongue, the jaded excuses for lemon barely escapes the watery tempest of each sip. Sweetness is laughable, two grams of HFCS feebly tries exciting an average ace-k and sucralose blend; sugariness so diluted it does not taste intentional. The body is slippery, oily and greasy, unpleasant to sip as it is to chug. The sole saving grace does no saving; tartness is the law of lemonade and is present of course, but taunts and laughs as you lust for stronger sourness. Loop Lemonade is a lot like pulling teeth, albeit with Novocaine; a rather painless consequence for your own stupidity, but there surely are more productive uses for your time and money.

The kick lasted two and a half hours, energy uninspired and completely routine. Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, ginseng, and caffeine (160 mg). Overall, to call Loop Lemonade a disappointment is an insult to drinks we have actual expectations for.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Hydrive Triple Berry Energy Drink Review

Black and red are dynamic on this resealable bottle, one free of clutter and unusually easy to read. There is some personality but it is unexciting, with generic chunky font and a depreciated dotted gradient.

My tongue finds only cranberry and raspberry, a braid brilliantly woven with passion and respect. More "Double" than "Triple," each sip is steeped in exalted complexity and is outrageously refreshing. The aforestated berry blend does not need a third to wow palates, each so remarkably rich and generously tart. The alphabetical first of the dyad holds complete control of the experience, and you could effortlessly argue it is the only fruit tasted, albeit with egregious nuance and depth. Its partner in every gulp is sweeter, more candied and less natural, but never less interesting. This contrast is nothing neoteric, but makes for fifteen and a half ounces of unmixed beatitude. Deep in each splash of this red cooler are stalwart suggestions of cherry and red grape, satisfying tastes even without top billing. Oh, and the decided absence of effervescence is rejuvenating and has this energy water drinking like the latter, which unlike beer, is a positive. Did I like this beverage? You could say so.

Each bottle contains: caffeine (160 milligrams), B vitamins, and taurine. They craft a buzz lasting two and a half hours, a pedestrian kick that should have been stronger. All together though, Hydrive Triple Berry's exquisite flavor had me forgetting its shortcoming.

official site

Monday, July 7, 2014

Hansen's Diet Red Energy Drink Review

Hansen's Diet Energy Diet Red is one "diet" too long, and eight ounces too small. Antediluvian visuals burn the eye with all the flair of a blind graphic designer after a few beers, however it does link solidly to the company's Natural Energy Pro reviewed last year.

The can says "berry" but my tongue screams "bullshit." Red Bull this wants to be, the dead carbonation has the gummy apple and bubble gum flavors kicking and screaming down with each sip. Sweetness is synthetic yet syrupy, a coagulated saccharinity that makes the beverage's pungent thickness even thicker. Unoriginal and antiquated, Hansen's Diet Energy Diet Red is a stupefying and stultifying exercise in every frustration of every bunkum energy drink.

Caffeine, taurine, guarana, inositol, ginseng, and B vitamins craft the kick here, an hour long one that was wholeheartedly anticipated. On the whole, Hansen's Diet Energy Diet Red should just lose the "t" and die.

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Sunday, June 29, 2014

Wired Strawberry Lemonade Energy Drink Review

Pathetic flames bore the generic text on this stock red can. It is Wired Strawberry Lemonade but you would not give this a second look based on its looks. Its brand is admittedly an adequate name for an energy drink, but the painted aluminum is cold, corporate and implores personality.

A trepidatious crack of the can unleashes a pleasant fragrance. But first sip is a categorical disappointment, stiff imitation of strawberry with no body or verve. The lemonade half of things fares worse, with accidentally insufficient sweetness and sourness. I regret the use of the word "lemonade," as each ounce is painfully bereft of any citrus, artificial or otherwise. Vivid effervescence tries madly to give the experience some identity, but cannot campaign against its leadened fruit imitations. Here we have a beverage of diluted taste and nugatory meaning, a flavor feckless and absurd.

An hour long kick is impermissible from a can this size. Ninety four milligrams of caffeine is far from enough. Also contains: inositol, taurine, and B vitamins. Overall, Wired Strawberry Lemonade is a fustian energy drink.

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