Friday, August 10, 2018

Lidl Energy Drink Review

Gee, I wonder what this eight ounce drink is on Lidl store shelves? Oh right, it is an energy drink- one without any sort of name! I scoured the small can in search of any generic brand, and only the word "Classic" comes anywhere close, though my wager is that it means this is a Red Bull clone. Nevertheless, Lidl, please give your store brands actual names! You are not Jewel-Osco.

The flavor is Red Bull all the way, a metallic, synthetic venture through the antediluvian flavors of the energy drinks of yesteryear- how do beverages this brazen still get made? It is a mess of the usual suspects here, vanilla, apple and citrus, perhaps even some bubble gum notes, arranged haphazardly and sipping lethargically. Sweetness comes to us by invert sugar syrup and glucose-fructose syrup, twenty four grams of the sticky stuff, and it does its best to jazz up the anesthetized tastes we have tasted dozens if not hundreds of other times. There is a good acidity as well here, another distraction from the potable's journey back in time to the energy drink stone age.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, and seventy five milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is your average hour in length, middling in strength, and completely unremarkable. Actually, the only thing worth noting here is the lack of a name, and that is not exactly a screaming endorsement.

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Bang Root Beer Blaze Energy Drink Review

Back today is Bang, the flavor? Root Beer Blaze, a fantastic name on a lamentably lethargic can. Again the crosshair smack dab in the middle of the large "b" is a fun touch, but for a can with 300 milligrams of caffeine, this design fails to get the blood pumping.

Bang continues to flounder with flavor, even with a unique and stalwart taste like root beer. Look how well Bawls did it! Here, the potent potable drinks as any generic diet root beer does, only much worse than that. It is onenote, a diluted mess of every low-grade commercial flavor profile, with a weak effervescence and terrible saccharinity. Where are the husky hues of sassafras, molasses or dozens of barks and extracts? Flooded out by a sweetness so feeble and finished by a sour, metallic aftertaste, that's where. Our friends sucralose and ace-k give one of their least inspired performances, so grossly unenthused and misproportioned that every imbibe is a struggle, particularly the aftertaste, which is inappropriately acidic and spoiled tasting, most likely due to all the supplements crammed into this sixteen ounce transport. This is one ungodly energy drink.

Each can contains a rock-solid 300 milligrams of caffeine, as well as a myriad of vitamins and other "energy" producing stuff. The buzz is a cool three and a half hour one, and is about the only reason to ever finish an entire serving of Bang Root Beer Blaze. It is lousy in a hateful fashion.

official site

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Hard Rock Encore Citrus Energy Drink Review

The black to baby blue gradient is a decent one, but perhaps the biggest win here is how it avoids the "rock memorabilia" cliche of the restaurants- sure the design is a tad boring, but it could have been a whole lot worse.

First sip is a wonderful trip through a muddled fruit cocktail, the real winner here is the powdery texture every imbibe showcases. Good luck remembering any citrus taste here- the real kicker is the dry mouth-feel beneath a rocking, no pun intended, acidity. The flavor itself is a generic blend of lemon, grapefruit, lime and passion fruit, sweetened by regular old sugar, is a familiar experience as it traverses your palate- you have certainly had this flavor before, but every few years I enjoy the trip looking back.

What Enterprise Beverage Group, makers of Hard Rock Energy, define as energy is 100 milligrams of caffeine, and in many ways they are right. The kick lasts around an hour and a half, but the lack of other ingredients doubtfully had any impact there. All in all, Encore Citrus is a fairly enjoyable licenced energy drink.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Maxwell House Max 2x Boost Vanilla Iced Coffee Review

Now what the hell is this drink called?! "Maxwell House Max 2x Boost Vanilla Iced Coffee?" That is clumsy and repetitive, and that is a shame considering the bottle is fairly nice. Its all black backdrop looks great against the splash of dark brown coffee, and I particularly like the scale smack-dab in the middle showing its potency (180 milligrams of caffeine here).

The flavor is yucky, plain, and simple, plain and simple. Skim milk is the furthest thing from an adequate dairy delivery system, with the "concentrated coffee" tasting so incredibly bitter that with every sip I debated whether or not to just cancel this review. But I kept on sipping, just for you; because I like you all a lot. Without a doubt there needs to be a grander fattiness, something to cut through the acerbity. Sugar, thirty three grams of is, also never gives the acridity a fight- with each imbibe the saccharinity succumbs to the overwhelming astringency, staining your palate of pungent obnoxiousness. Perhaps worst of all is how the bitterness does not taste as if it is from coffee- there is a dominant chemical influence to it. This is a fascinatingly poor beverage, one who's execution is so wrong-headed from gulp one that by the time you drink the last drop the only accomplishment you feel is that from escaping tedium.

Each bottle contains just 180 milligrams of caffeine, a solid amount do not get me wrong; crafting a kick lasting three hours just about. Overall, Maxwell House Max 2x Boost Vanilla Iced Coffee is as exhausting to say out loud as it is to drink.

official site

Monday, July 9, 2018

Full Throttle Twisted Fountain Energy Drink Review

Full Throttle Twisted is two complete logo designs behind the current one, and the label the emblem emblazes is a bland one. There is nothing in the form of a flavor indication, though its purple hue suggests "Tropic" would have been a better name than "Twisted."

With my size "medium" styrofoam cup filled lightly with crushed ice and pressed firmly up to the dispenser nozzle, a spray of brown slush quickly fills my sixty nine cent beverage transport. The flavor? Sugar, sourness, and super syrupy, because that is all I could taste. Hidden within the sticky slime rests the taste of apple, blueberry and vanilla, a troika cloned straight from Red Bull's book and drowned in saccharine acidity. I have no idea what actual sugars are involved here, but from as I approached my final sip, the money left after breaking a buck is going to the high fructose variety.

Digging deep into the dark world of the web, the only thing offered up was 105 calories and forty seven milligrams of caffeine. Whether any of that is true, the kick sucked, lasting an hour with all the jitters you would anticipated from a drink this sweet. To end, Full Throttle Twisted is a prime example of a bad energy drink. It will not break the bank, but your taste buds will not be so lucky.

official site

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Rip It Tribute C.Y.P-X Energy Drink Review

The latest in the Rip It line, and the third in the "Tribute" sub-brand, the name C.Y.P.-X means absolutely nothing, or at least to a civilian line me. The can, on the other hand, is a fun little diversion, its bright titian camouflage pattern and charcoal chevrons are a great update to the tried and true Rip It design.

Though your first sip is obviously citrus based, there is minimal resemblance to the Citrus X variety. There is an avalanche of vanilla with every imbibe, a fiddle of equal strength to the acidic orange taste. It is a creamy pairing, an almost lucious cocktail that rivals some energy coffees in terms of dairy prestige. I wish there was more tartness however, as gulps evolve into creamy exercises in excessive saccharinity, and by the time the last few ounces occupy the bottom of the can all you taste is corn syrup. An orange creamsicle experience through and through, an ultimately nostalgic ride through mediocrity.

Each can contains a cool 160 milligrams of caffeine, which gives drinkers a completely average two hour long kick. Other ingredients include: B vitamins, vitamin C, taurine, guarana, and inositol. On the whole, Rip It Tribute C.Y.P.-X is a messy myriad of ideas what ultimately ends up tasting like sugar.

official site

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Mati Cherry Healthy Energy Drink Review

Mati has had some work under the hood, as well as on the hood, though visually things are much less significantly redone. There is a little less to look at, but that is for the better, with the fruits more naturally drawn than before, not much else is different.

The flavor is far better rounded than in the past, the increase from thirty to sixty three percent of juice lends to a sweeter and more passive mouthfeel. The cherry taste is more pronounced here, only slightly acidic but far more mainstream, for better or worse. The lauded bitterness of the original formulation collapses underneath the increased saccharinity, which although coming all from the fruit nectar, is completely listless. It lacks the heft I wanted in such a sugary cherry experience, as the sweetness becomes part of the flavor.

Each can contains 115 milligrams of caffeine and that is about it. Sure, there are mentions of potassium, vitamin A and vitamin C, but what do they do? The kick lasts an hour, perhaps a few minutes more, but that is it. Overall, Mati Cherry is ultimately less interesting with this remake.

official site
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