Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Starbucks S'mores Frappuccino Chilled Coffee Drink Review

Joining the ranks of Cinnamon Dulce and White Chocolate, this Starbucks drink, a member of the company's "frappuccino" line, is one interesting flavor; s'mores. Its tall glass bottle is white, with subtle strokes of brown and golden yellow, symbolizing the burnt marshmallow portion of the campfire favorite. The milky brown of the drink itself represents the graham cracker, which leaves the chocolate part of the treat unseen, unless one of the aforesaid colors works double time and also illustrates the cacao.

Shaken well and cap softly snapped off, the fragrance of this frappuccino has a faint burnt smell buried beneath all the coffee and cream perfume. Our first sip is super saccharine, surrendering any bean or milk flavor in favor of the albino jet-puffed pillow. It has an initially fun toasted vibe, giving the impression of the fire charred confection, but what starts out as a passionate sapor quickly grows into blind violence of burned vanilla. There is absolutely no chocolate here, and the only graham is found in the outrageous toasted taste. Coffee is put on the back burner as well, influencing any ounce of the thirteen plus it can while it fights a losing battle to keep this coffee drink tasting like coffee. Fattiness is wonderful, however, four and a half heavenly grams, three of which are saturated, from part-skimmed milk and cream, and remains much of the only aspect that ever reminds you of the brand's bean brew. The sweetness is thick, an almost grainy sugariness somehow achieved only from honest sugar and the mystery "natural and artificial flavors." It coarsely brushes your tongue as it makes its way down, your palate stained of the intense roasted taste and an awful aftertaste of table sugar.

Each bottle contains: coffee, sugar, cream, flavors, maltodextrin, pectin, skim and part skim milk. To end, Starbucks S'mores Frappuccino Coffee Drink is barely coffee and barely drinkable.

official site

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Fast Energy Fountain Drink Review

This cheap fountain energy drink, found in a dumpy little convenience store where the ice dispenser is likely dirtier than both the floors and the people in line. Its sticker, representing the packing here, is what happens when you give five dollars to a failing graphic design student at the local community college; blue font on a black background, with distracting bolts of lightning interrupting the vertical text. Bromidic and lazy, but the lack of any flavor indication leaves us expecting the inevitable Red Bull clone.

The unpleasantly sweet taste of Sweet Tart candies, without the tartness, and sticky vanilla wash the entire mouth, with a medical bitterness that lingers almost as long as the extreme saccharinity. There is a hint of tartness, distant and deadened by the syntheticness and sugariness. The boring beverage gums into a mucky mess at first sip, and just gets thicker the forty four ounces are forcefully supped. You chock the gooey gunk down and, thanks to the wonderfully warm weather, the filtered crushed ice begins to melt, diluting the already weak flavor.

Tons of sugar is the only ingredient guaranteed, well, along with (probably artificial) flavoring and preservatives. Caffeine is likely, as well as guarana and ginseng, well, and some B vitamins. The kick is mostly a sugar rush, lasting two hours before the rough crash. In the end, Fast Energy is something you should run away fast from.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Realtree Outdoor Arctic Storm Energy Drink Review

This frosty can is probably the most appealing of the line, with its snowy backdrop standing out among the other varieties. It uses the updated design debuted with Bushmaster, however its arctic background resembles the ill-fated White Buck flavor from five years ago, however its use of blueand black add jazz to the albino can.

The can cracks open stinking slightly of Red Bull, however our first sip destroys any thought of the colored cattle. Its flavor is sugar, with fifty six grams of the stuff, drowning the otherwise elementary blue raspberry. Its saccharinity is all from high fructose corn syrup and sucralose, the dense, insipid sugariness clamming and bulking every imbibe, with the latter of the sweetener system never noticed. What we can taste of the fruitiness is guileless, an innocent sapor undeserving of the egregious sweetness, although, it does slightly slacken its own exaggerated simplicity. Some faded sourness rounds out the experience, the slightest relief from the irrational measure of empty carbohydrates. Tied together by a playful effervescence, RealTree had the makings of a fun energy drink, then dumped in 240 calories worth of sugar.

The kick was fine; underwhelming and unspectacular, but the rad sugar buzz, despite ending with a crash, was an old-school thrill. Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, and caffeine. Overall, RealTree Arctic Storm is a decent looking, worse tasting, and even worse with its energy.

official site

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Mtn Dew Black Label Review

Mtn Dew Black Label is a "deeper darker Dew," according to the top arch quotation on the sixteen ounce can. The only trademark green comes from the soda logo and the word "Dew" at the bottom, attempting a level of sophistication unheard of from a drink named after moonshine. Failing to incorporate the "dark berry" aspect, the can is reduced to a black background and, despite its name being "Black Label," the text and design is grey.

Real grape juice comes out to play here, rendering out a more subtle, softer flavor than the outwardly similar Dark Berry Batman catastrophe four years ago. Grape with plenty of blackberry intricacy, this is not as nuanced an experience as the can would suggest, but is far more nuanced than any Mtn Dew has the right being. McIntosh, or some other tart apple, with the sharpness of orange, round off the experience, breeding a beverage not exceptional, or exceptionally cultured, but sophisticated enough considering the bright green name on the can. Effervescence is charming, but it is the saccharinity that is among not just the brand's best, but also the company's; sure, there are fifty three grams of the sweet stuff, but sips forgo the customarily espoused syrupiness trademark of the soda, making every mouthful heavier than its family rivals with a more mature, clean finish that evanesces where others would inundate and linger.

Every can contains: Eighty three milligrams of caffeine, fifty three grams of sugar, and 210 calories, making this your typical sugared soda that should should only drink in moderation. That is, if you insist on drinking this at all.

official site

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Phyzix Acai Berry Flavor Energy Drink Review

This is a fun little can, one who sadly is too little for much relevance on todays cluttered energy drink shelves. The drink is of course Phyzix, a name that follows the rule that putting a "z" and "x" in your name instantly makes it cool.

The pomegranate launches into first place with first sip, a gentle flavor that is a pleasant juxtaposition to the curt carbonation. Acai is unfortunately muted here, serving more as intricacy to the aforementioned flavor more so than on its own, introducing an earthy bite to the already incult effervescence. Saccharinity is achieved via fructose, twenty one grams of real sugar, one that caters to the naturalness of the experience and not necessarily the fruits. The white grape, often a superfluous ingredient to bulk out a juice content, does just that here, and any sips it can break into it brings nothing but ribald sugariness. The experience climaxes without climax, an unsatisfying end where things simply stop suddenly, leaving a very clean aftertaste but nothing to remind you of your current potation. In the end, this is a more daring drink than the other Phyzix, but lamentably that is about all distinct here.

There is eighty milligrams of caffeine, some guarana, ginseng, green tea, maca root, yerba mate, and B vitamins, among others. Any kick is about what you would expect from an eight ounce can with the aforesaid quantity of my namesake; about an hour and a half long buzz.

official site

Friday, June 10, 2016

Monster Ultra Black Energy Drink Review

Here we have yet another "Ultra" Monster drink, their spinoff line of sugar free drinks in textured cans. Flavor wise, the line has been pretty decent, however this is the umpteenth variety, and that once unique coarse can is now just an anticipated gimmick. Dear Monster, instead of exploiting your last idea, work on your next.

There have been many terrific black cherry energy drinks, so Monster has some really tough competition. But the first sip has been taken, and competition, you need not worry. The word "Black" in the name encourages the notion that this is a "black cherry" flavored drink. Hell, I would have even bet money on that. Well, I guess I did, seeing that I bought a can. What we get, though, is an artificial, ice-cream topping cherry taste that is far more childish than the sleek aluminum transport suggests. The lack of any true sugar sacrifices the hefty mouthfeel the lusted and supplements callous carbonation, numbing the namesake by the diet sixteen ounce's resolute effervescence and artificial saccharinity. There is more cranberry and blackberry than expected, padding flavors who dilute the niche cherry into something more commercial, questioning the point of even making a purported "cherry" focused drink if they just deliquesce it for marketability. The two berries are not too shabby however; they add some much desired tartness nuance to an otherwise stale experience. The trilogy of fruits make up a decent flavor here, but it fails to encourage as much excitement as the Bing brand does so effortlessly.

Each can contains: caffeine (137 milligrams), taurine, ginseng, l-carnitine, guarana, and inositol. There are also some B vitamins thrown in for nutrition. The buzz is your standard Monster "Ultra" kick, lasting an hour and a half, only slightly longer lasting than your usual eight ounce drink with the same caffeine content because the larger can doses out petite bursts of the bitter substance over a longer period. All in all, Monster Ultra Black should be left in the darkness.

official site

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Gold Emblem Select Mocha Latte Energy Energy Coffee Review

Direct from CVS Pharmacy's clearance rack, here is their house brand energy coffee: Gold Emblem Select Mocha Latte, costing me a mere seventy four or so cents. Its all lowercase style, and svelte font, are among the highlights here. On the flip side (or the lowlights?), the gold emblem for its brand name is not as shiny as it could, or rather should, a description that struggles to differentiate itself from the already loquacious name, all on a bland brown gradient.

For two hundred and eighty calories, fifty grams of sugar and three grams of fat, every sip to this generic cooler is diluted beyond relief and belief. Sweetness is dead, derived from exclusively from real sugar, and there is quite a lot of it, but none of that appears on the tongue, destroyed by the aquatic torment and the stannic vexation. Mocha and coffee, two fantastic savors on their own and usually better tasted together, are two you sip fifteen ounces looking for, suffering every ounce of the way there. There is bitterness to every sip, a distant astringency with the tinny taste of the can more so than the brewed bean beverage, leaving a metallic aftertaste that even all the wateriness does not wash away. Overall, with all enjoyment cleansed in the cascade of banal Adam's ale, this generic coffee drink is an experience corrupt by water.

Each can contains: caffeine, taurine, and V vitamins; all in mystery quantities. The kick is mostly from sugar, your usual two hour buzz who could have used a more consistent chemical cocktail. To end, Gold Emblem Select Mocha Latte is exactly what you expect a poor generic energy coffee to look, taste, and kick like.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Phyzix Tropical Flavor Energy Drink Review

This bright can of creamy yellow and orange, fits the bill of a "tropical" energy drink. Its name is a corruption of the word "physics" and is hyper stylized; I have no qualms about it. But its small size, a petite eight ounces, is outdated on store shelves today, and its silver belt, you know, where it declares the flavor? It is difficult to read white text off of chrome.

The flavor to Phyzix Tropical Flavor is, well, tropical, tons of sweet pineapple with a rounded nether belly of fresh orange. The effervescence, along with the green tea, are briskly rough, a powerful and pungent juxtaposition to the sunny fruits. There is surprisingly quality acidity here, a tartness so organic with the sapors that it almost comes off generic. The can heralds coconut water as an ingredient, however this is an experience zealous to the citrus and the aloha-shirt staple. Fructose, erythritol and Stevia sweeten things around here, though only seventeen grams of the real sweet stuff, any nastiness is cloaked inside the embonpoint saccharinity. Overall, a fun beverage for sure, but nothing new in the realm of energy drinks; we recently espied Red Bull the Yellow Edition with a similar taste.

Each can contains: fifteen percent juice, B vitamins, guarana, green tea, ginseng, maca root, yerba mate, l-tyrosine, vitamin C, and eighty milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is your usual hour-long kick, one that, along with the pleasant taste, makes you wish the can was the standard sixteen ounce one.

official site

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Liquid Ice Orange Energy Drink Review

A creamy blast of bright orange, divided by orange and black text and margaritaceous trim, this freshly devulgated Liquid Ice never explicitly mentions its flavor; we can assume its full name is "Liquid Ice Orange," considering the can's coloring, but that is to assume we are not color blind. Otherwise, the aluminum transport is small, typical of Red Bull and most drinks a decade ago.

Twenty eight grams of sugar, real sugar, sweeten with the cloying weight one pines for in an orange soda. It is not syrupy but does clog the back of your throat with the few imbibes the eight ounce can offers, but in the thick, ooey gooey fashion your typical can of the soda-pop is foreseen to contain. Orange, perhaps a rounded edge of tangerine and its accompanying derived tartness, are all the flavors the flavor needs; an experience so innocent yet never invariable. Nethermost is a minor nuance of pineapple, about the only vegetation implication the bullet can contains, animating a tasty tropical soupcon that almost ends up breaking the stolid simplicity of the small sized beverage. Every sip is steeped in effervescence,  a bubbly elixir which augments each gulp's revivifying quality; perhaps too bright for an early morning coffee replacement.

Each can contains: taurine, caffeine, inositol, and B vitamins. The buzz is a boring hour and a half long one; about what you expect from a drink of this size. To end, Liquid Ice Orange's best characteristic is its taste- like all in the line, it is fantastic. Otherwise, it has an uncreative can and corporate kick.

official site

Monday, May 9, 2016

Red Bull The Summer Edition Kiwi Twist Energy Drink Review

The bare aluminum is pleasant on the fun green background, Red Bull's next "Edition," although one not named after a color. Its full name is "Red Bull The Summer Edition Kiwi Twist," a tiringly garrulous name, one who should have just been called "Red Bull Kiwi." On a more positive note, the drink continues the company's increase from eight to twelve ounces. Yeah, looks like we are scraping the bottom of the barrel for positives here.

"The taste of kiwi- artificially flavored." That is the description located on the back of the twelve ounce can, and humorously describes everything right and wrong with it. The drink is peripherally kiwi flavored, a predominantly superfluous soupcon to an acetous and nectarous experience. The green fruit barely breaks free from the charming carbonation, almost appearing explicit, only to collapse underneath all of the bubbles, and finally sink in the swamp of saccharine sourness. Sucrose and glucose are Red Bull's go-to sugars, thirty eight grams who sweeten without resulting in a nasty syrupy climax, however, that would have likely acted more as intricacy rather than indignation in this dimensionless potation. The tartness is the best thing here, a whimsically acidic bite at tickles the entire tongue and promises more fun than the fruit flavor itself ever delivers. Overall, although almost refreshing, there is not much of any kiwi twist to Kiwi Twist.

The buzz is your basic one, you know, the one that lasts about an hour and a half. Each can contains: caffeine (114 milligrams), taurine, and B vitamins. To end, Red Bull The Summer Edition Kiwi Twist is a long-winded, mostly flavorless, impotent energy drink.

official site

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Rockstar Pure Zero Watermelon Energy Drink Review

This luminous vermilion can reminds drinkers of its watermelon flavor, well, the fruit's flesh actually. With the rind of the produce being a two-toned green color, the design's ruthless exclusivity of red, black, and silver (and, alright, there is some white), burns the boring color palette into your eyes with every glace you give it. My advice, have a blind friend pick you up a can.

For a drink with no sugar, this Rockstar sure is sweet! Erythritol, ace-k and sucralose do the sugaring here, doing a curiously strong job for an experience as saccharine as a John Hughes film. The synthetic honey has only the most trivial trace of its artificiality, with its petite weight being what really trips up the counterfeit carbohydrate cocktail; just hold a bag of Splenda and a bag of cane sugar, and you will see what I mean. The juicy and usually seeded fruit is the flavor here, derived from all natural sources but without any actual juices, not significantly dissimilar from the Amp line's attempt last year. Every imbibe is buoyant, aided by the ersatz cassonade, which helps each gulp resemble the summertime favorite. But the inexorable sweetness wears your tongue down raw, and combined with the beverage's general dearth of acidity, this Rockstar proves that not every energy drink should be the standard sixteen ounces.

Each can contains: caffeine (240 milligrams), inositol, milk thistle, ginseng, guarana, and B vitamins. The content content of my namesake chemical has your body forgiving and forgetting your tongue's lust for real sugar, a buzz lasting a smooth four hours. Overall, this Rockstar proves that watermelons should just be left to Gallagher.

official site

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Shock Wave Orange Mango Energy Drink Review

Slightly textured, dully orange and packed with uninspired black swirls and dots, this Shock Wave design is wearing thin and fast. On the back, above the nutrition facts, it is discovered that this is fifty percent juice- yet why the front of the aluminum transport does not mention this is an error in basic design. What some health conscious drinkers look for, what could be the beverage's biggest bout of individuality is lost in the pennies saved by hiring that low-rent graphic designer.

A powdery mouthfeel, a tickling tartness, and a sweetness about as perfect as only twenty grams can get; this fifty percent juice potable is the best tasting Shock Wave yet. The can calls for white grape and pear as leading vegetation in the equation, but your tongue will taste only the mango and the orange; the duo orchestrated into a single flavor with the depth of two. The nectar cocktail has the weight anticipated from the sizable quantity of fruit extract, but its effervescence lightens every imbibe into a sudsy elixir of innocent innocuousness, a potation perfect for a warm summer day. Sugar from the fruits, dextrose, and sucralose cause a sweetener system of only twenty grams and ninety calories, a sugar strategy never syrupy or particularly heavy, but one serendipitously with enough heft.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, and a paltry 100 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is a disappointment considering its fun flavor, almost as if the company was forced to choose between delivering power or taste. In the end, Shock Wave Orange Mango is cheap enough that a purchase, solely for the tongue, is not a bad buy. But as an energy drink, what the front of the can hails this as, it is a disappointment.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Joker Fruit Punch Mad Energy Drink Review

This Joker is a little red in the can; looking almost identical from the original variety, save for the color swap and two addition words. It is a decent drink visually, a fairly fun, if not a tad corporate, potable now exclusive to Circle K convenience store shelves.

Tons of high fructose corn syrup cascade onto the tongue, a surprising saccharinity, one with a thin texture and pleasant weight for such an overabundance of the treacly sweetness. Carbonation is among the best characteristics every sip offers, an excited effervescence that bubbles like a child's pop should, and, let us be honest, fruit punch is best tasted as a kid. Flavors are your standard: orange, pineapple, guava, and cherry- they bulk up most sips. Some lime puckers up many imbibes, brightening the beverage with its sharp, fresh tasting tartness. Additionally, a touch of grape, mostly white, breathes its breath into the experience, adding only bland sweetness and slight depth to the aforementioned acidity. Overall, this Joker is not bad- actually, it is pretty tasty! But it lacks the creativity that would have starved off the "generic" aftertaste of every sip.

Each sip contains: ginseng, inositol, guarana, taurine, 240 calories, and 140 milligrams of caffeine. The latter is most disappointing, considering the taste and look of the drink had an inescapable cheap quality to it, and this disappointing two hour kick is no better.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Monster Gronk Energy Drink Review

Call me blissfully oblivious, but who the hell is this "Gronk" guy? My know-it-all friend Google calls him a football player, but that does not explain his business on a Monster can. The typical puffery on the backside of the metal does little to explain his place on energy drink shelves, however, its can is not all too shabby. The red and blue curved stripes are slimming on the bare aluminum colored can and, well actually, that is all I got.

Monster's stock flavor, you know, the vanilla, cotton candy, and apple taste the company has seemingly dozens of versions of, has been, to quote the can, "re-engineered." That is corporate lingo for Red Bull clone, though, not that the flavor was ever original to begin with. Every one of the sixteen ounces stinks of the gummy bubble gum and super sickly vanillin, strangled by an acerbic apple sapor. Glucose, sucrose, and sucralose (say that five times fast) make up the sugar-system here, fifty two grams of the stuff, a sticky and relatively sirupy sweetness, gumming up the stern of each sip. It is a mediocre saccharinity, one where a touch more of the artificial stuff would have countered the overwhelming gooeyness. Overall, this entirely uninspired ripoff of the popular beverage leaves me pining for the slightly less stale Monster-taste, something I never expected to say.

Each can contains: taurine, ginseng, l-carnitine, guarana, inositol, B vitamins, and 144 milligrams of caffeine. The kick lasts just under two hours, with a solid sugar rush partially extending that length. In the end, Monster Gronk is a stupid sounding and weak Red Bull clone from a company with too many fans to fall so miserably. Let it be said, I am not one of those fans, especially after suffering through the entire can.

official site

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Starbucks Doubleshot Spiced Vanilla Energy Coffee Review

2016 appears to the year for brand resurrection, now this time both the Starbucks line and its Doubleshot sub-line. Its can follows the basic brand template, and appears to be an update of the original "Vanilla" variety, reviewed here seven years ago. It is a clean design, telling consumers its coffee origins, flavor, and brand with a quick glance. However, the bright red belt at the top, and the circle towards the bottom, have little place on the can except to bring attention to its flavor and contained supplements.

Three grams of fat, half saturated, craft a shockingly creamy first sip, and the fattiness never lets go and who's only flaw could be how unrelentless it is. Its flavor is an even bigger success; sure, it tastes like your typical vanilla, but there is an ill-defined zest to it, redolent of cinnamon, nutmeg and clove, with some slight nuttiness nestled beneath it all. The coffee is the weakest link, lost inside the lardaceous mouthfeel and ambrosial spiciness. Its slight bitterness is the bean's best facet, synthesizing seductively with the spiced spice sapor. Usually these fat-sodden "coffee" drinks do not fare well here on the Caffeine King, however, this one takes a vivacious, rich, and tasty approach.

Each can contains: B vitamins, vitamin C, calcium, taurine, inositol, ginseng, guarana, and caffeine. There is also 200 calories and twenty nine grams of sugar. The kick lasts as long as any drink of comparable size, lasting two hours, maybe more. To end, Spiced Vanilla provides renascent interest in the previously platitudinous Starbucks line.

official site
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