Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Loop Lemonade Energy Drink Review

A generic entry into the useless realm of hydrating lemonade energy drinks, this one from K-Mart is a true sight for sore eyes. Though auspiciously absent is any "rehab" synonym, the positives end directly there. Yellow dominates the can with aggression not passion, an ugly shade desperate for anything of a complementing color. What ever the graphic towards the middle is does not work; vague and uninteresting and adding only more ugliness.

Nothing to the nose and less to the tongue, the jaded excuses for lemon barely escapes the watery tempest of each sip. Sweetness is laughable, two grams of HFCS feebly tries exciting an average ace-k and sucralose blend; sugariness so diluted it does not taste intentional. The body is slippery, oily and greasy, unpleasant to sip as it is to chug. The sole saving grace does no saving; tartness is the law of lemonade and is present of course, but taunts and laughs as you lust for stronger sourness. Loop Lemonade is a lot like pulling teeth, albeit with Novocaine; a rather painless consequence for your own stupidity, but there surely are more productive uses for your time and money.

The kick lasted two and a half hours, energy uninspired and completely routine. Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, ginseng, and caffeine (160 mg). Overall, to call Loop Lemonade a disappointment is an insult to drinks we have actual expectations for.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Hydrive Triple Berry Energy Drink Review

Black and red are dynamic on this resealable bottle, one free of clutter and unusually easy to read. There is some personality but it is unexciting, with generic chunky font and a depreciated dotted gradient.

My tongue finds only cranberry and raspberry, a braid brilliantly woven with passion and respect. More "Double" than "Triple," each sip is steeped in exalted complexity and is outrageously refreshing. The aforestated berry blend does not need a third to wow palates, each so remarkably rich and generously tart. The alphabetical first of the dyad holds complete control of the experience, and you could effortlessly argue it is the only fruit tasted, albeit with egregious nuance and depth. Its partner in every gulp is sweeter, more candied and less natural, but never less interesting. This contrast is nothing neoteric, but makes for fifteen and a half ounces of unmixed beatitude. Deep in each splash of this red cooler are stalwart suggestions of cherry and red grape, satisfying tastes even without top billing. Oh, and the decided absence of effervescence is rejuvenating and has this energy water drinking like the latter, which unlike beer, is a positive. Did I like this beverage? You could say so.

Each bottle contains: caffeine (160 milligrams), B vitamins, and taurine. They craft a buzz lasting two and a half hours, a pedestrian kick that should have been stronger. All together though, Hydrive Triple Berry's exquisite flavor had me forgetting its shortcoming.

official site

Monday, July 7, 2014

Hansen's Diet Red Energy Drink Review

Hansen's Diet Energy Diet Red is one "diet" too long, and eight ounces too small. Antediluvian visuals burn the eye with all the flair of a blind graphic designer after a few beers, however it does link solidly to the company's Natural Energy Pro reviewed last year.

The can says "berry" but my tongue screams "bullshit." Red Bull this wants to be, the dead carbonation has the gummy apple and bubble gum flavors kicking and screaming down with each sip. Sweetness is synthetic yet syrupy, a coagulated saccharinity that makes the beverage's pungent thickness even thicker. Unoriginal and antiquated, Hansen's Diet Energy Diet Red is a stupefying and stultifying exercise in every frustration of every bunkum energy drink.

Caffeine, taurine, guarana, inositol, ginseng, and B vitamins craft the kick here, an hour long one that was wholeheartedly anticipated. On the whole, Hansen's Diet Energy Diet Red should just lose the "t" and die.

official website

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Wired Strawberry Lemonade Energy Drink Review

Pathetic flames bore the generic text on this stock red can. It is Wired Strawberry Lemonade but you would not give this a second look based on its looks. Its brand is admittedly an adequate name for an energy drink, but the painted aluminum is cold, corporate and implores personality.

A trepidatious crack of the can unleashes a pleasant fragrance. But first sip is a categorical disappointment, stiff imitation of strawberry with no body or verve. The lemonade half of things fares worse, with accidentally insufficient sweetness and sourness. I regret the use of the word "lemonade," as each ounce is painfully bereft of any citrus, artificial or otherwise. Vivid effervescence tries madly to give the experience some identity, but cannot campaign against its leadened fruit imitations. Here we have a beverage of diluted taste and nugatory meaning, a flavor feckless and absurd.

An hour long kick is impermissible from a can this size. Ninety four milligrams of caffeine is far from enough. Also contains: inositol, taurine, and B vitamins. Overall, Wired Strawberry Lemonade is a fustian energy drink.

official site

Saturday, June 21, 2014

AMP Gold Energy Drink Review

Amp and I are not terrific friends; he hurts my tongue and I hurt his self esteem. However apple is a promising flavor, something mighty unique from a big company, where others prefer redundant sugar free knockoffs of their own products. The color of the can could make Goldfinger blush, bright and shiny but insipid overall. The black graphic towards its nether region is engaging, but we lose interest fast as our eyes ascend.

Sips are serous with a texture as interesting as tap water. The flavor? About the same. Apple is tasted and forgotten in the same swig, a depthless and complete garden-variety imitation of Granny Smith and Golden Delicious. "Laughable" is how the tartness complements the fruit substitutes, stock nuance to a stock experience. Amp Gold is not as saccharine as the fifty nine grams insinuates, forcing the sixteen ounces into a realm of realism it otherwise feels silly in. Bite into an apple, a real one (no fake waxy ones), and you have the sweetness of this drink. Only without any the delicate character, juiciness, or health; this is 220 calories of crap.

Each can contains: caffeine (159 mg), guarana, B vitamins, taurine, and ginseng. Any energy lasts a paltry two hours, perhaps less, without many jitters or much of a crash. To end, Amp Gold is worth its weight in pyrite.

official site

Friday, June 13, 2014

Rockstar Sugar Free Energy Drink Review

This moot remake offers no real difference from its past look. An updated logo and a thicker stroke mark much of the minor modifications to this hardly refurbished variety, twenty less calories a can with less personality than before. Bleached visuals still not fun to look at, there is much going on despite all its openness, a can that just screams for something of a background.

With the mouthfeel of syrup, this exhausting experience is sixteen ounces too long. Each sip burns with the potent artificiality of ace-k and sucralose, a sweetener system so dimensionlessly persuasive and cacophonic it is a sight for sore palates. A Red Bull clone this is almost not, the obese fluid debuts a single taste, only a most ersatz vanilla flavor so unconvincing and obscene it somehow commands past all the feigned sugariness. Nothing fresh or even remotely pedestrian here, this antiquated abhorrent agglomeration of every pity quality of every crap energy drink misfires on all cylinders.

Each can contains: caffeine (160 milligrams), inositol, guarana, taurine, B vitamins, and L-carnitine. The buzz is mediocre but functional, lasting three hours without a crash. Dear Rockstar, no matter how many times you update and modify, this drink will always sucks.

official site

Thursday, June 5, 2014

aquadopa Energy Drink Review

'Beyond energy.' 'Herbal Supplement.' 'Lightly caffeinated.' These ambiguous expressions line the small can of the new drink, aquadopa, one destined to be labeled as just another energy drink. Why? Despite its loving endorsement of "l-dopa," it comes in a bullet can, like an energy drink; claims to provide focus, motivation and drive, like an energy drink; and contains many of the usual supplement suspects found in, well, an energy drink.

Smelling sharply of chemicals and coffee, this caramel colored brew explodes out of the can after a vigorous shake. And since you already have spilled some, just go ahead and dump the rest down the drain. Thick and without effervescence, sips struggle as the sordid sludge slides stiffly down your gagging throat. We taste nothing we want to, only the herbal grossness of sour ginseng and bitter green tea. We providentially have real sugar, twenty grams of the sweet stuff, however it combats the ugly flavors and loses instantly. Many times, these eight ounce cans are a disappointment, but with aquadopa, it is a blessing.

Each can contains: l-dopa, caffeine, ginseng, ginkgo, ginger, taurine, and quercetin. For energy, you receive a decent bump, lasting around an hour and a half. There are bad energy products, then there are awful ones. And then there are ones where you need to brush your teeth afterward. This is one such beverage. With all do respect to Roger Ebert; aquadopa, your drink sucks.

official site

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

energems Peanut Butter Energy Chocolate Review

The energems chocolaty trilogy ends with this peanut butter variety, arguably the flavor most looked forward to. Unappetizing illustrations and vulgar orange obsession, the box should be hid from the eye and kept on the palm, where the dual glossy and matte texture is satisfactory, and tiny enough to fit in even the smallest shirt pocket.

Nine giant disks topple out, dull and cracked with none of the regalness the container has. The fragile candy coating shatters as the chocolate center melts into a gooey pool never resembling peanut butter. The most the tasty cocoa candy ever gets to Reese's is with a vague nuttiness, indistinct and disappointing. Every morsel decidedly lacks any peanut butteriness, although it is otherwise a pretty darn good energy chocolate.

All nine energems contains: caffeine (225 mg), taurine, B vitamins, and l-theanine. I am not gonna lie; the entire box was scoffed down as one mouthful, and the buzz lasted an admiral three and a half hours. energems Peanut Butter disappoints, satisfying on every front but packs zero "wow" factor.

official site 

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Muscle Monster Peanut Butter Cup Energy Shake Review

Boring is never a good word to describe an energy drink can, so let me use another one; how's 'bout banal? Mundane? Platitudinous? Any way the industry giant's marketing department cuts it, they cannot use my lyrics to endorse their candy-flavored product.

Foul odors join forces with an overall unappetizing flavor concept to create something not all that bad. Things are more peanut butter-esque than explicitly based, with little of the creamy wonder that is jelly's best friend. In its place, there is the gelatinous syrup of milk and cream and the deadened sweetness of both real and synthetic sugars. This unknown variety tastes minimally different from any in its gluttonous line; so while the overarching experience here is never vexing, not truly resembling the sandwich staple marks this disappointingly indistinguishable.

Ginseng, taurine, guarana, B vitamins, protein, vitamin C and 157 milligrams of caffeine result in a middling buzz lasting roughly three hours. All in all, with nothing unique to this anonymous variety in this unknowingly expanding line, Muscle Monster Peanut Butter Cup is no Reese's.

official site

Monday, May 12, 2014

Stewart's Sugar Free Impact Energy Drink Review

Desultory visuals and unseemly bare aluminum kills any spark the playful blue could have brought. Shaped like a soda but with none of the appeal of that or energy drinks, this palaverous can is absent of any wit or style.

Citrus this is not, so just take a guess at what this generic drink tastes like. Please, let me give you a hint: we taste vanilla and all the bubble gum we would never want, synthetic and overbearing sweetness with notorious sham apple nuance. That is right, folks, this is a Red Bull clone. Kudos Stewart's. Every sip of this repulsive twelve ounce monstrosity leaves a slimy coating of fake sugar and flavors on your tongue, making its bantam size feel like forever.

Each can contains: B vitamins, caffeine, ginseng, taurine, guarana and inositol. The kick is weak but met my slight expectations, lasting no longer than an hour. Overall, this is a pitiful and painful energy drink; looks like a soda and drinks even worse.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

vitaminwater energy berry punch Review

Not the "vitaminenergy" spin off of years ago, "vitaminwater energy" is a fresh approach from the company. Considerably easier to read label that is printed on opposed to shrinkwrapped, the can unfortunately lost weight, wasting away to a thin twelve ounces. Deep into 2014, this brand extension is much too late to be a serious competitor; I do not see the once-iconic twenty ounce vitaminwater bottles in many hands, and this line will doubtfully rest in more palms.

Grape, blue and raspberry listlessly recline faded in the background, the beverage's rough sparkling carbonation coarsely greeting tongues and throats. The fruits have scant quantities of their natural qualities, a big berry blur and less of a fruit punch one. Tartness is reticent but appreciated while tippling as the lone depth to the experience. Stevia and cane juice sweeten benignly, keeping down its calorie count and my waist line. vitaminwater energy berry punch drinks a whole heck of a lot better than anticipated, but for two bucks, there are remarkably better punches on the shelf.

B vitamins, vitamin C, and eighty milligrams of caffeine give us an hour and a half long buzz- which is awfully weak if you are new to energy drinks. Overall, vitaminwater's website declares to "make boring brilliant;" at least they got the boring part right.

official site

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Canna Energy Drink Review

A hemp energy drink banking on the unbridled success of the country's expanding marijuana acceptance, Canna Energy is reminiscent of the Cocaine brand years ago, only without any of the shock value. There should be more ounces a can, and despite there being nothing offensive with the visuals here, you are more likely to buy this to impress your friends than due to a striking appearance.

Forty grams of sugar has sips swimming stiffly across the palate, a sweet, if uncomplicated, cocktail of pineapple, melon and lime. The fruits coalesce into dysphoric simplicity, every mouthful disenchanting with its enervated effervescence and defect intricacy. Of course, the 160 calories are consumed painlessly, thanks to its short twelve ounce can, but never did a gulp scream for another; rather it screamed, "this is boring."

Each can contains: caffeine (120 mg), vitamin E, inositol, taurine, and hemp. Ten milligrams of the good stuff an ounce, the buzz is unspectacular, lasting two hours. Overall, Canna Energy Drink should not be as decent as it ends up being, but it is still not particularly good.

official site

Friday, April 18, 2014

Hydrive Grape Fusion Energy Drink Review

Kinder to the eyes than it originally was, Hydrive Grape Fusion loves purple and is fortunately fantastic draped in the color. Black is well complemented, as is the white, and at a quick glance you can gather all the information you need.

Imitation grape splashes the tongue with an assault of artificial sugars, nonconfrontartional counterfeits that lack the juicy depth of real grapes and the fullness of natural saccharinity. A fusion this is not, we taste only the cloying allegation that is only mistaken for the fruit by one virginal to it. A nonportentous beverage where sips are less interesting than licks to a child's ice-pop, this Hydrive remake mistakes dimensionlessness for succinctness; words easier to spell than this is to relish.

We gather 160 milligrams of caffeine, some taurine and B vitamins from the sixteen ounces. That crafts a kick three hours long, of sufficing, rather than triumphant, strength. To end, Hydrive Grape Fusion is a non-carbonated energy water, only not as decent as that sounds.

official site

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Sin Thirst Sin Maca & Rose Energy Drink Review

A worthy trip to my local Big Lots unveiled several new energy drinks, including two in this Sin Thirst Sin line. The faded pink fails to liven the colorless can, a small eight ounce transport uninteresting with an abstruse name.

Pinch your nose as you sip; this is one mephitic beverage. Only the brave will stand the scent, but everyone will enjoy the balanced fusion of subtle lemon and strawberry, spiced with ginger and spiked with sweetness. Caressing carbonation confirms swift depletion of the single serving, complementing the soft flavors with synthetic sugars who never breath in any chemical nastiness. A delicate exercise in sophistication, Sin Thirst Sin Maca & Rose is a drink unlike many others, and very much worth the fifty cents paid.

Each can has B vitamins, caffeine, horny goat weed, guarana, and vitamin c, among others. There is not much energy here, something like an hour or so long of a weak buzz. My pork sword never escaped its sheath either, although the Misses knows that phenomenon all too well. Overall, Sin Thirst Sin Maca & Rose desperately needs a clearer image and greater potency to ever preform contently in the market. As in, there is a reason this was at Big Lots.

official site

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Mtn Dew Kickstart Black Cherry Review

The crayon maroon color complements the black, working particularly well with the gradient. The red is bright and creamy but much too adolescent for the aggressive design.

Inviting perfumes lead to the sweet bliss of black cherry, a flavor startlingly balanced and enjoyable from the Mtn Dew company. The beverage's trivial juice content of five percent is from the bulking white grape, and there is even the infamous HFCS that turns soda into syrup. None of that matters here; every sip is emotionally sweet for only all the right reasons, candying a brusk fruit into an innocently surfaced experience, complete with the delicate depth of a tart underbelly. This is an honest energy drink, as complicated but considerably more sophisticated than you would ever expect from the brand.

Eighty calories and ninety two milligrams of caffeine are contained in the sixteen ounce transport, skimpy enough of food energy but flaccid when it comes to a buzz. A stronger pop than energy drink and occupies a awkward place between the two, Mtn Dew Black Cherry Kickstart never really starts kicking.

official site
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