Saturday, March 25, 2017

Starbucks Doubleshot Espresso & Salted Caramel Review

This should be called "Cost Me 'bout Three Bucks" Doubleshot, because it did. But the petite size for the price aside, the can is strikingly similar to the previous varieties, though this one is choked by all the text towards the top. Do drinkers really need to see "espresso" thrice on the packaging?

Six and a half ounces, this unpleasantly sweet coffee lasts roughly three sips, less if you are not paying attention. The bitterness is a misstep, an aspect praised in the original, the astringency here is muted behind grams of sugar, seventeen to be exact. That saccharinity veils the namesake of this variety, both the "caramel" and the "salted," although the former could just be puffery for all that sugariness. It is a shame how the "salted" is such an exaggeration, always significantly sacchariferous despite its six percent daily intake of sodium. The cream, adding to the potable's extreme 140 calories, considering its size, is give grams of fat, and this lardaceousness is the best thing here, showing that three and a half grams of saturated fat is the way to go, your waist-line aside.

As of now, I cannot find any information regarding its caffeine content, but we can surmise it is in the 120 milligram range. The potency is the best thing here, the only aspect that benefits from the small size by hitting you as soon as you take your final gulp. In the end, Espresso & Salted Caramel is not the worst Starbucks brand canned beverage, but there is very little to recommend here.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Dragon Tail Blazin' Tropical Energy Drink Review

Blazin' Tropical loses the "g" in its name in a feigned attempt at looking hip, but its rocking glass bottle forgives any fault in its silly naming. But the brand name, Dragon Tail, is no where to be found on the front of the design, creating a clean design but forgoing some brand recognition.

Sips are sweet, forty milligrams of pure cane sugar give every imbibe a grainy and almost syrupy texture. Fortunately things work with the flavor, which is a hodgepodge of mango, orange and pineapple, the tastes turbid and never spawning a structured sapor. Nuances of cherry and lime round out each gulp, however they are lost in the cocktail's chaotic flavor. Sweetness and sourness are here in equal measure, but it is the beverage's pacing, which layers both the sugariness and the acidity so that the two are seldom savored simultaneously. It provides the dismally derivative experience its only anomalous attribute.

Each twelve ounce bottle contains: caffeine, guarana, and maltodextrin. The buzz is the beverage's biggest bane, lasting about two hours and, unsurprisingly, is not the strongest. In the end, Dragon Tail Blazin' Tropical is less interesting than its icy line brethren, and therefore more disappointing.

official site

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Realtree Outdoors Hydration Pink Lemonade Energy Drink Review

This dull pink can is one of the better in the line since the redesign that shucked the unique twist-off top for a conventional pull-tab. But one cannot help but wonder if this is simply a repackaging of their previous Pink Lemonade, though with all the misfires of that drink I surely hope they modified the flavor. But instead of reading "not for city girls," this new design reads "I love country girls;" finally, something I can agree with on one of these imbecilic outdoor beverages.

There is slightly less sugar than the previous variety, though just two grams, but being all high fructose corn syrup the reduction is welcome (sucralose is on backup). The saccharinity is strong but never overwhelming, and although its syrupy mouthfeel leaves much to be desired, its slight thickening in the back of the palate give the illusion the pulpy textural nuance of home-squeezed citrus summertime favorite. Its tartness is another element to praise, a sharper acidity than most canned lemonades, a sourness almost overwhelmingly puckering. Whether or not it is any better than the brand's previous attempt is irrelevant; it still tastes good.

Each can contains: taurine, caffeine, and B vitamins. The kick is woeful, lasting two hours, though if there was a bright side, it would be the lack of a crash. In the end, Realtree Outdoors Hydration Pink Lemonade did not leave me hydrated, pining for the outdoors or on the hunt for real trees, but it did taste like pink lemonade, and for that I commend them.

official site

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Sunshine Clementine Twist Energy Drink Review

Another North Carolina drink, Sunshine markets itself as a "good energy" drink with vitamins and electrolytes, though most competing beverages contain the former. Its can is loquacious and a tiny eight ounces, but it maintains easy readability despite the text overstuffing. But the label is shrink-wrapped on, moving the otherwise mature design into cheap, licensed brand territory.

The scent is fantastic, robust and fragrant and I am tempted to just leave the can open and unsipped as my office's air freshener. But first sip is not as interesting as the perfume, its odor's nuance and freshness lost in the actual flavor's stevia exploits, its earthy and almost minty trademark veiling the depth the clementine twist taste thirsts for. Fifteen grams of cane sugar works with the stevia, giving the mouthfeel lovely weight, but just a few more grams may have saved this from the low-calorie sweetener's choke hold; I would have been okay with seventy calories instead of the existing sixty. Effervescence is playful keeps the experience grounded from entering the common realm of a "orange soda," though the muted saccharinity helps with that.

Each can contains: vitamin C, B vitamins, and fifty milligrams of caffeine. Its kick is low-impact, lasting less than an hour, particularly if you are familiar with the larger, more potent potables on store shelves. In the end, Sunshine Clementine Twist is an interesting small-town drink, but it is not interesting to drink.

official site

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Mtn Dew Kickstart Mango Lime Review

Mtn Dew Kickstart Mango Lime sounds like a refreshing flavor, at first glance. But any avid caffeinated cocktail connoisseur would recognize a similar flavor on last year's Game Fuel, aptly titled "Mango Heat." But its can at least has nuance of both of its titular fruits, though I cannot help but wonder if the design's favor towards one color will extend into the flavor.

The taste is potent, a curt blast of ersatz mango deluges the palate in thinly viscid high fructose corn syrup. The mango is entirely synthetic to the tongue, lacking the subtly and depth of the real stone fruit; each sip is a bland reminder that "natural and artificial flavors" does not translate to the joy that is biting into the actual fleshy interior of the South Asia native. There is five percent juice here, something the can makes mention of multiple times, but it is only of white grape and orange, and that is not the flavor here! Their role here is only in adding an ounce of realism, but honestly the honesty in every imbibe is insalubriously saccharine. There is no lime taste, no citrus flavor actually despite the presence of orange nectar, sealing the fate of this energy soda as one-note.

Each can contains: B vitamins, vitamin C, and ninety milligrams of caffeine. The buzz of this Mtn Dew extension have always been its weakest attribute (no wait that would still be their flavor), lasting an hour and a half after a good night of sleep. On the whole, Kickstart Mango Lime is the epitome of false advertising: it does not taste like lime and does very little energizing.

official site

Monday, February 13, 2017

Monster Mutant Super Soda Red Dawn Review

Mutant Super Soda Red Dawn is a most brazen attempt at impeding Mtn Dew's Code Red from reaching the grasps of those wanting a sugary and caffeinated soda. Its bottle is not half bad, actually, surprisingly simple from a company so inclined at supplying mundane textures and silly paragraphs of text on their products. But the flavor name "Red Dawn" is so small and hard to see, leaving its color scheme as the products only flavor identification.

Seventy two grams of sugar, all the riled high fructose corn syrup, is just too much, proving that there is such thing as too sweet; the ingredients list mention that it has a "low sodium" content, at just three percent your daily intake, but that number appears just above its whopping twenty five percent carbohydrate content. The flavor is stagnant, a distilled and dreadfully deadened cherry taste, no nuance to the fruit nor any acidity- there is just your generic drupe flavor and drowns in the acute saccharinity. Effervescence is feisty and tickles the back of your throat as you gulp the frisky fluid, and the bubbliness of the beverage is easily its best characteristic.

290 calories and 115 milligrams of caffeine, as well as the aforementioned sugar quantity, make up the ingredient cocktail here, though it is more like "bland energy" than an "energy blend." Any buzz lasts at most an hour, giving its significantly more common competitor nothing to worry about when it comes to pretending to be an energy supplement.

 official site

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Red Bull The Lime Edition Sugar Free Energy Drink Review

Red Bull The Lime Edition Sugar Free arrives without fanfare, no press-release that I saw or any advertisements; instead, a local grocer stocked them on their trivial energy drink shelf. Its can is about as good as the design can get, its deep, dark silva-green color pops off of the bare aluminum, a contrast that almost makes up for its slight verboseness.

Incult effervescence and stentoriously synthetic saccharinity gives the twelve ounce beverage a very soda-like feel, especially its dimensionless taste. The lime is a flagrantly artificial flavor, lacking the pungent acidity of the actual citrus, as well as the fruit's nuance and grace, engineering an ersatz experience that tastes like Sprite Zero with the lemon surgically removed. The customarily dynamic duo sucrose and ace-k do the sweetening, but they are not sweet enough here to fit the bill of the billed "limeade" on the bottom right of the can, nor can they furnish the weight to quench the thirst on a hot, humid day- though I guess we do not get many of those in February.

The kick is a disappointment, lasting an hour and a half when it should have and could have been more potent, Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, and 114 milligrams of caffeine. Overall, Red Bull The Lime Edition Sugar Free looks better than it tastes or feels.

official site
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