Sunday, October 21, 2018

Bang Purple Haze Energy Drink Review

The can is as dull as it always is, a cool name with a design so brazenly disinteresting. Where is the fun? Where is the hype? There is 300 milligrams of caffeine here, you would think that would help define the label's focus.

No silly tricks here- Bang Purple Haze is grape all the way, and it is a pretty decent one, considering the artificial sweeteners had to mask all the chemicals. It is soda-inspired no doubt, super sweet, actually, it is  relentlessly saccharine and it bogs down your palate, remaining deep inside your taste buds; do not be surprised to be eating dinner later that week and be wondering why your steak has a distant "sweetness" to it. Yet, all the supplements listed on the back of the can, most of which I doubt do anything pure caffeine can't do, the experience here is a fairly standard sugar free grape energy drink, nothing more and fortunately nothing less.

Each can contains 300 milligrams of caffeine. How about that! There are plenty of other things listed on the back of the can, from B vitamins to creatyl-l-leucine. Know what that is? Well you do not need to- just know that the caffeine gives a rocking buzz, lasting three and a half hours without hesitation. Overall, Bang Purple Haze's amazingly boring can and amazingly average taste are slightly overruled by its dynamite kick.

official site

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Rockstar XDurance Ripped Red Energy Drink Review

Another variety comes to us, from the Rockstar XDurance brand that is. Ripped Red is its name, a nebulous flavor that brings to mind either cherry or cranberry, as well as to strengthen its potency persona. 300 milligrams of caffeine rest inside this tall sixteen ounce can, an impressive amount that has been the crux of the Bang brand.

The flavor is another fruit punch, something Rockstar has already done rather well within the diet restrictions before with Pure Zero Punch. There is no actual juice to be found here, but the tastes of cranberry, lime and cherry burst out of the can and excitedly bubble across your palate- it really is a solid first impression. Additional sips only help the potable's case; by this point the acidity has curled the edges of your lips, domesticated gently by the saccharinity. Sure, it is your usual blend of ace-k and sucralose, but there is something different about the mix this time, never tasting artificial or overwhelming to your palate, surprising since there is so much caffeine bitterness to neutralize. It is far from an unusual flavor, it is one that has been done to death, but the execution here is remarkable, from its sweetness to its acidity, it is a diet fruit punch done right.

We have already discussed how much caffeine this baby contains, and boy does the kick show it. There is a good three and a half hour buzz to be had, one that does not slow down until the eventual crash- a small price to pay for such potency. The ingredient cocktail is rounded off by taurine and B vitamins. Overall, Rockstar XDurance Ripped Red is the brand perfecting its tempered idiosyncrasy.

official site

Friday, October 5, 2018

Caffe Monster Salted Caramel Energy Coffee Review

Imposing and towering glass bottle, Salted Caramel is the latest energy coffee from Java Monster's "Caffe" spinoff. I like the chalkboard illustrations- it is clean with a strong coffee house look, but damn, the entire package verges on  lawsuit territory with how close it parodies Starbuck's Frappuccino line.

Any coffee taste is mellowed by a cascade of heavy, fatty dairy and saccharinity. The caramel flavor here is an excuse for less java bitterness and more sweetness, and boy, is this sweet! Sugar, glucose and sucralose do the sugarining, a trilogy that seems to forget that they are involved in a coffee. But the creaminess is well done, a sultry, velvety texture that begs for another sip once you finish your last. Yet the entire thing never resembles a coffee! No one imbibe, not even the smell, resembles that morning favorite- Caffe Monster? More like "Milkshake Monster."

You get a 150 milligrams of caffeine, some taurine, and a few B vitamins. The kick is pretty good too, for a thirteen-plus ounce drink, lasting two hours. All in all, Caffe Monster Salted Caramel Energy Coffee is a sweet tasting disaster of a coffee.

official site

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Outlaw Passion Energy Drink Review

These Outlaw drinks keep appearing on store shelves, a random can shoved haphazardly next to the more popular brands across many gas stations near me. Passion is the next variety, and its deep purple is a nice change of pace from the company's ungainly bright cans, though the design remains leadened and generic.

There is no juice here, but the flavor is so full-on passionfruit you would swear the can read "NOS." Every sip is potent, an explosion of grainy sweetness and acrid acidity, but it works. It is a famous energy drink flavor, one that is almost tough to drink due to its preposterous effervescence, a coarse, heavy carbonation that drinks like every bubble is wearing a scratchy wool sweater. When it boils down to actual taste things are quite forgettable, it is your typical passionfruit flavored caffeinated potable that is every bit as sugary and tart as the potations it mimics. I wish there was something unique here, but at least they parodied something other than Red Bull.

This is where things get good- we get 250 milligrams of caffeine, along with taurine, B vitamins, ginseng, maca root, and guarana. The buzz lasts a good three hours, perhaps a few minutes over that, and all that sugar results in a bit of a crash, just like drinks did all those years ago. Overall, Outlaw Passion is an uninspired clone that remains fairly fun to drink.

official site

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Starbucks Frappuccino Pumpkin Spice Coffee Review

Pumpkin spice is a seasonal favorite in the realm of coffee, but it is a delicate dance of distinct tastes, and is easily distilled into a singular and generic "pumpkin spice" flavor. What Starbucks has in store for us is unknown as of now, but its bottle is appropriately orange, with little leaves that are a charming touch.

Nutmeg and cinnamon initiate the experience, with a wonderful spicy blend that has just enough depth for a bottled beverage. However, that wonderfulness is short lived, as as the viscous solution travels your tongue, its four and a half grams of fat whiteout any seasonal seasoning the cooler commences with. Sweetness is perfunctory, forty six grams of your usual sugar here to do the job, but it overwhelms as ounces are imbibed, diluting into your basic sugared coffee drink in a matter of only a few sips. For coffee lovers, you will be disappointed, as the thirteen plus ounces here taste as much like the bean as tea does.

Each bottle contains: water, coffee, milk, sugar, maltodextrin, cream, flavors and pectin. It is also partially produced with genetic engineering, which is a fun thing to see on a drink you just finished drinking. Its kick is that of a small coffee, with a sugar rush that gives the buzz a more sustained feel. Overall, Starbucks Frappuccino Pumpkin Spice stands as one of the line's better beverages, but it sadly does not stand for much else.

official site

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Aspire Cranberry Healthy Energy Drink Review

This boring white can claims to burn calories, just like the Celsius brand does. Whether there is any proof to their claims is irrelevant- I am more interested in the supposed flavor "Cranberry," which is a rarely featured in energy drinks. But back to the can- it is a total wash, looking more like a dumped drink at a supplement store than a beverage sitting next to "Monster" at my local megamart.

The flavor is a complete disappointment! Cranberry, an acidic fruit, is decimated and diluted into a bland, tartless exercise that the textbook example of how not to make an energy drink taste. Mouthfuls are uninspired, effervescence resembling seltzer water more so than your usual energy drink; carbonation is slightly harsh, this is not the drink to have when you have a tender throat. But the fruit itself is the biggest disappointment, drinking so impishly that it never really tastes like cranberries- every imbibe resembles a slightly fruity bubbly water, like a long-lost brother of LaCroix that was killed before it ever made it to store shelves. If I am forced to name a positive, it would be sweetness, all from sucralose, but it does its job by never tasting like the artificial sugar it is.

Each can contains eighty milligrams of caffeine, which is a pretty small amount for a twelve ounce drink. The kick from it lasts an hour and a half- not bad, but definitely not worth its $2.50 price tag. Other ingredients include B vitamins, vitamin C, green tea, taurine, and ginger root extract. Notice here how I made no mention of the supposed "calorie burning" feature here; that is because there is no way to monitor that- and I am not confident my FitBit could track this.

official site

Monday, September 3, 2018

Rockstar XDurance Smashed Blue Energy Drink Review

I do not love the Rockstar line, hell, often their drinks downright suck, but they take risks you do not see Red Bull or Monster taking; sometimes they are brazenly self-cannibalizing. Now on store shelves sits XDurance Smashed Blue, a super-caffeinated and probably blue raspberry flavored diet drink, is one of the company's better visual offerings, refreshing the long-in-the-tooth look with a honeycomb background and non-symmetrical design.

Cotton candy, bubble gum and blue raspberry take center stage at this Rockstar rockshow, a completely unnatural tasting experience loaded with feigned fruit flavors and an artificial sugariness  so potent you would swear you are sucking on those little blue, pink and yellow packets on a coffee shop's counter (though technically this can contains just the yellow packet- and whatever color satchel ace-k comes in). Drinking like something created by a twelve year old who spends too much time outside ye olde candy store, Smashed Blue is overwhelmingly fake on the palate, from sweetness to flavors, every aspect is an assault on your senses. There is hardly any acidity, which could have cut through the paralyzing saccharinity- even the effervescence is at home bring just enough bubbles to justify the "lightly carbonated" declaration on the bottom of the can.

Each can contains a rock-solid 300 milligrams of caffeine, giving more than enough kick and almost justifying the rather rotten taste. Other ingredients include B vitamins, taurine, carnitine, creatine, and arginine. On the whole, Rockstar XDurance Smash Blue is a far more enjoyable beverage than any of the Bang drinks, despite similar four hour long kicks, and is 100% drinkable- which is exactly what I want in my energy drinks.

official site
All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owner. I do not take responsibility for any contents linked or referred to on my guest book/weblog. Photos are either mine or owned by their credited sources. All my photos are free to use without permission. If you see a picture that is yours and do not want it here, just email me and it will be removed.