Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Rockstar Boom Whipped Orange Energy Drink Review

This bright aluminum transport pops off of the shelves, with its orange to yellow gradient and attention-grabbing font. It is cluttered, that is for sure, but its asymmetrical and no-holds appearance helps it stand out amongst the myriad of other similarly-colored cans.

Everything is equally sweet and tart, a vaguely milky orange taste that is as dry as it is dimensionless. There is not one sip that fills you with wonder; its sixty four grams of sugar is too saccharine for the underdeveloped creamy artifice, your sherbet expectations are shattered at first gulp. Real orange juice, well, all two percent of it, only carries the beverage so far, and the unenthusiastic quantity of skim milk and cream provides only the obscurest of fatty texture to this lightly carbonated potable. It is a flat, puerile experience that misses its rather interesting, if gimmicky, target by a most disappointing mile.

Each can contains: taurine, caffeine (160 milligrams), inositol, milk thistle, ginseng, guarana, B vitamins and 260 calories. For all the empty carbohydrates, there is not as much of the white bitter stimulant as I would have hoped, resulting in a two and a half hour long buzz, with something of a crash afterward. To end, Rockstar Boom Whipped Orange is a big-named novelty energy drink that fails to deliver on its kitsch premise.

official site

Monday, September 28, 2015

Arizona Caution Fruit Punch Energy Drink Review

Another Cation drink from Arizona, this time Fruit Punch. Its can is silly despite the "extreme" plastered across and the "RX" logo, several ounces too small and many grams of caffeine too low.

The scent has a thick organic edge, a pungent aroma that burns through the otherwise stale fruit punch perfume. It does not taste much better; a dense texture that crawls across your palate as you gulp. The vitrified twelve ounces are dominated by strawberry and pear, a musty blend lacking both the verisimilitude or the sweetness to be either a natural or a candied, respectively, take on the fruit punch sobriquet. Pineapple and cherry add depth to to each sip, protracted savors lacking refinement, but serendipitously give each mouthful the illusion of nuance. HFCS leave behind a slippery syrupy film as you swallow, and obese and unpleasant slime rich in an abridged aftertaste of this disappointing Arizona potable.

Each can contains: some B vitamins, taurine, caffeine (115 milligrams), inositol, guarana, ginseng, l-carnitine, and milk thistle. The buzz is pretty petty, lasting an hour and a half and is of unspectacular strength. Overall, take the "caution" in the name as a warning.

official site

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Snap Infusion Supercandy Caramel Review

Does this qualify as an energy product? It claims to "energize," but if anything caffeine free in the past has taught us it is that packaging will say anything to move from shelves. The albino sachet is even enervated, with no sense of momentum or, dare I say, energy. Its is wordy with nothing to say, and still comes off confusing.

The creators must have been "cuckoo for Coco Puffs," as that is what these chewy candies taste most like. Real chocolate? It is present, but lost in the caramel and coffee nuance, of these dozen or so subfuscous centered confectionary pimples of molten sugar and vitamins. The calm warmth of your mouth soon intenerates the gooey treat as it sticks to your teeth, a dessert pool of surprisingly tasty treats that ends too soon. Take note companies, one ounce is not enough for candy.

There are plenty of vitamins here, with electrolytes and antioxidants, but no caffeine. Thusly the "energize" moniker on the pouch is crap. Any energy you ask? Well, no, not really, but it should hold my sweet tooth over until snack time. Believe me, these do not taste bad, but that does not matter. A pleasant taste does not make up for its enigmatic purpose.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Stacker 2 Enraged Raspberry Review

For a raspberry drink, there is too much focus on other colors, namely the gross gold. The baby blue never reminds me of its suggested flavor and is inappropriately childish for anything with caffeine. The the original was untidied and ugly can, but one with something of a personality. Now it is a bit more organized, but is completely generic.

The ice-pop stable interpretation of raspberry is present here but splashes the tongue with more restraint than it should. It is only slightly sweet and even less tart, concocting this maladroit but wholly humdrum hybrid between a child's sweetmeat and the actual fruit. My tongue declared some cranberry suggestions, an anemic note who's presence provides distraction instead of depth. Some metallic staining perverts the water of each gulp, an ugly underbelly to the vitreous blue nectar. The subsequent layer almost resembles cotton candy if not for the deadened saccharinity, an ambiguous taste that ends every sip with an almost powdery bite. Its lack of commitment is a shame, especially considering how unvaried the raspberry behaves during the perfunctory eight ounces.

Each can contains: 112 calories, B vitamins, taurine, caffeine and inositol. You are lucky to get an hour and a half buzz out of this puny potable, a kick as potent as Sanka. Overall, Stacker 2 Enraged Raspberry has caffeine and is drinkable. Those are about the only things it gets right.

official site

Friday, September 4, 2015

Fruit Punch LIFE Energy Drink Review

There are many problems here; twelve ounces is four too small and the bare silver of the naked aluminum has no style. Plus, "Let It Fly Energy" is uselessly acronymed with glaring red dots that blur into the red belt below and fruit adjacent. Nevertheless, the can here is more confident and sophisticated than it has any right to be, with plenty of clean lines and ample sharp edges; sightly but never worth thinking about.

Sugar free with Stevia and sucralose, a bitter scent only makes the refreshing, if ill-defined, fruit punch all the more surprising and genial. Is there citrus? How about strawberry? Raspberry? Any berry? A quick glance at the can renders my description moot; you see the fruits, so why should I type 'em? But only the tongue can discover how balanced they are, sweetness simulating the vegetation's own saccharinity wonderfully. Carbonation is numb and every sip is stiff and almost a challenge; a negative or a positive? Well, neither, but it certainly is interesting to drink.

Each can contains: B vitamins, caffeine, ginseng, vitamin C, and some others. The buzz was unexciting, lasting an hour and a half, maybe two, though without jitters or crash afterword. In the end, LIFE Fruit Punch Energy is tasty but unmemorable.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Amp Zero Blueberry White Grape Energy Drink Review

The albino can is packed with text but remains fairly easy to read and on the eyes, however some nip and trimming could go a long way. It is unoffensive but fails to create a sense of energy, its tall transport and "energy" prompt telling the consumer what it is instead of the design.

Much of the many sips of this sixteen ounce offering is steeped in artificial sweetness, a chemical flavor that washes away much of any real flavor. The flavor is of course blueberry and white grape, the former completely one-dimensional and is equally as false as the saccharinity it is predominately veiled by. The latter of the namesake taste gives only a dry, powdery tartness to every imbibe, a much welcome breath of idiosyncrasy to the otherwise stagnant experience, however sedated it is. The carbonation is dull as the beverages boringly slides across your palate, a sober experience that is everything wrong with diet energy drinks.

Each can contains: ten calories, B vitamins, guarana, taurine, ginseng and 157 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is a dated two hours long, the kick a relic of the energy drink market infancy. Overall, Amp Zero Blueberry White Grape is no where near as interesting as it should have been.

official site

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Rockstar Lime Freeze Energy Drink Review

The florescent green backdrop and white electric swirl detail jumps off of the shelf more so than most, and keeps the eyes flowing from the brand to the flavor to the ounces effortlessly. That is not to say the can is flawless, because it is not. The secondary color of the logo blends into the background, and the name "Lime Freeze" does not need to be explained further by big black "Frozen Lime" text.

For the flavor, expect a pale imitation of the company's superannuated Punched Citrus variety of years past; drown in the bathetic lime and tiresome tartness itself tired. The fruit tastes without legitimacy, a breathtakingly unalacritous impersonation with a most tacky texture and onerous saccharinity. Each sip coats your mouth in agglutinative aridity, a gooey sap that makes every sip a Sisyphean struggle; a bromidic battle through the amaranthine saccharinity of sixty two grams of sugar and the invariably paced sixteen ounces. And even after each of every injudicious and jejune gulp is shoved down your throat, your saliva stained in the incessant staleness. I typically am biased towards lime flavored energy drinks, but does this Rockstar ever disappoint.

For all the sugar and 280 calories, we get only 160 milligrams of caffeine. This formulates an underwhelming three hours kick, jittery and ending with one hell of a crash. There is also: taurine, guarana, inositol, ginseng, and milk thistle. On the whole, Rockstar Lime Freeze is an unworthy addition to a line almost exclusively of unworthy additions.

official site

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Stewart's Impact Energy Drink Review

My lawyers Itchy and Twitchy present bad news: ratings are down and sponsors are reconsidering. Why? They profess my exploitation of English has them spending more time buried in dictionaries than on my site. They tell me that I must use simpler sentences and shorter words. That should not be so difficult- I mean hard. The drink today is Stewart's Impact, brought to us in a, um, small can that is more soda or beer than energy drink. Was that good, guys? Just okay, well, I should get the hang of this eventually- I mean soon.

So here is the enemy roll call: we have blah bubble gum, syrupy sweetness, apathetic- I mean boring, apple flavors, and vanilla vanilla. What do you mean? It is wordplay; vanilla means spartan... Spartan means simple. Well, yes I could just say "simple"- never mind. Without surprise, the text painting the can lies; citrus this is not and Red Bull this wants to be. Sips are obese and obnoxious- you know what those words means, right lawyers? Complexity is tossed out immediately, favoring instead injudicious silliness, that means imprudent- no, not what "silliness" means- and no, not the stuff that is good for digestion! Damn, is this really what people like reading? Anyway, that is all for the taste- what do you mean I did not compare it to Red Bull or Monster?! Who cares! I already said it is a ripoff of the former! Yes, the former is reference to Red Bull. Fine, if you are a die hard fan of either drink, then why are you reading this review? There are hundreds of similar drinks on every store shelf to sate your obtuse tastes!

For energy we have a 218 milligram blend of: taurine, ginseng, inositol, guarana, caffeine- what do you mean readers do not care about ingredients? They just want to know if it is stronger than Monster or Red Bull? It is not a fair comparison, considering the size differences- yes I know Red Bull comes in twelve ounce cans but- no, I am not spending four bucks just for this review! If people are looking to save money, drink coffee. Or get a higher paying job. I hear McDonald's is hiring *SLAP* ... sorry Itchy, I forgot your night shifts. Overall, and lawyers please cover your eyes: Stewart's Impact is an ambisinistrous prostitution of pricey potations who's zealots should be enough educated to know I am lampooning- *SLAP* ... lawyers, I told you to keep your eyes shut! Twitchy, what are you doing?! Don't you dare open a can!

Monday, August 3, 2015

Mtn Dew Kickstart Strawberry Kiwi Review

Strawberry Kiwi is the second of the coconut water-containing Mtn Dew Kickstarts, a smaller can sold for the same price due to the aforementioned artifice and slightly higher juice content. The design is unexciting however, the red and white complementing each other nicely, but ultimately filled with too much text written at too many incongruous angles.

Aroma-wise, it is fantastic; really pushing the verisimilitude of the meager juice content. Surprisingly this extends to the flavor as well, tasting predominately of the strawberry but dominating without remorse. Kiwi is but text on the can, never influencing any of the sips and wasting space on the aluminum transport of this twelve ounce beverage. Its magisterial sapor is bereft of the depth needed to keep palates stimulated for the entire experience, despite its undiluted focus on the sole harvest. With its fourteen grams of sugar and synthetic sweetener blend of sucralose and ace-k, the taste wisely mimics the fruit instead of some candy-store impersonation; its sweetness simply could not handle any other interpretation of the flavor. Coconut water gives the few final sips a slight gooey texture and sour savor, especially unpleasant if the drink warms by then.

Each can contains only: caffeine (sixty eight milligrams), B vitamins, and vitamin C. For a flavor so focused on one taste, it is a shame the kick does not have the same level of dedication; a buzz lasting around an hour. Overall, Mtn Dew Kickstart Strawberry Kiwi hardly kicks and lacks any kiwi.

official site

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Canna Mango Energy Drink Review

It is nearly impossible to distinguish this variety from the brand's other offering, and that is far from a good thing. It may be a clean design, easy to read and attractively bright green, but it places all bets on the idiotic "hemp" artifice and loses. It is not edgy nor is it cool.

From its taste along, I give this a recommendation, and I am only on my first sip. Candid sweetness thanks to real cane sugar, its weight is envied by every diet drink out there. Its texture is thick and almost grainy, a brilliant parody of the fruit's pulp that provides every gulp more unfeigned realism that it has any right to be. But it is the flavor that truly shines, a sole mango experience without any nuance to distract from its juicy honesty. At a short twelve ounces, its veracious purity never exhausts your liking for the unconvoluted mango imitation, however that does not completely excuse its incapacious can. Today it is "go big or go home," and unless Canna Mango plays on its competitors terms, it is gonna wind up going home. And that is a shame.

Each can contains: caffeine (120 milligrams), B vitamins, taurine, hemp, and inositol. You are not going to get more than two hours worth of energy out of this, but you should not have any crash afterwords either. Overall, Canna Mango is a tasty but imperfect energy drinks. Yeah, it is one of those again.

official site

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Venom Low Calorie Strawberry Apple Energy Drink Review

The first new Venom in a long time, the flavor today is Strawberry Apple and appears not to have any sugared alternative available. The can has lamentably mutated from the awesome original, resealable one to the standard sixteen ounce pull-tab variety, but the intimidating design auspiciously remains intact.

Our first sip is sweet, the fruits taste gooey and saccharine with a sour, earthy bite. The initial splash on your tongue is strawberry, an honest rendition if it were not for its extreme but artificial sugariness. The sweetness additionally blurs any depth to bright red produce, bridging blandly into the later apple flavor. You hardly recognize the transformation, the oft autumn-harvest adding only a superficial taste and tartness. Erythritol, ace-k and sucralose are the sweetener-system of choice and do an indiscriminate job, never offensively not sugar but at the same time painfully not sugar. Overall, after a long hiatus, Venom comes back with a whimper.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, ginseng, and 160 milligrams of caffeine. The kick is as standard as the brand has ever been, a buzz lasting three hours on a good day. Overall, it is good to see Venom back, but their Strawberry Apple Low Calorie variety is not good.

official site

Friday, July 10, 2015

Amp Zero Watermelon Energy Drink Review

Amp Zero Watermelon appears on store shelves without any notice, along with several other new varieties. The line has been refurbished many times and it looks like it happened again, this time at least the flavors are more unique. Its can is pale and prosaic, dispassionately getting the job done.

Strong fumes pour from the can, a scent so innocent and inviting our first sip happens almost immediately. The sapor is full-on candy, sweet and playful though grievously without the weight of true sugar. The synthetics preform admirably otherwise, with sucralose and ace-k never promoting any artificiality in the experience. At least, any saccharine disingenuousness is veiled by the beverage's mild sour bite, pleasantly engendering the potation's sweetmeat focus. But sip after sip the flavor wears on your palate, proving that perhaps watermelon is too much at sixteen ounces.

Each can contains: B vitamins, guarana, taurine, ginseng, and 157 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is only two hours long, proving that no matter how many times the brand is refreshed, the lackluster kick remains. In the end, Amp Zero Watermelon is a decent overall cooler with some fun ideas but mediocre execution.

official site

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Arnold Palmer Drive Performance Energy Drink Review

This tall black can sports the golf-legend proudly, his name written in cursive and at an angle. "Drive" is tossed below it, insinuating, alongside the lower "performance," that this is Arizona's next entry into the energy drink market. It is not necessarily an ugly can, however kids drink the brand's drinks, and there is minimal difference at first glance to warn of this libation's caffeine content.

This fifteen and a half-ounce potation sips smoothly but with zero pizzazz; the tea lacking any bitter depth, and the lemonade missing almost all its sourness. What we are left with about two cups of uninteresting water, only the faintest tartness to the even weaker citrusness and the weakest tea taste. A puny twenty three grams of sugar is here, sweetening without conviction and becoming lost in all the tepid wateriness. Ten percentage of juice proves to not be nearly enough, a distracted, distant pulpiness gives each forced mouthfeel too clean of a texture; where is the weight or the diversity? Overall, Arnold Palmer Drive about sums up what is so wrong about canned Arnold Palmers.

Each can contains: caffeine (120 milligrams), guarana, acai querticin, B vitamins and green tea. For almost a sixteen ounce potable, the ingredient-cocktail is paltry; brewing a buzz lasting roughly an hour and a half, only. To end, Arnold Palmer Drive is an interesting but completely misguided excuse of an energy drink.

official site

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Thunder Healthy High Voltage Energy Drink Review

Thunder's can never makes me think of actual thunder. It is black with a lot of silver and some grey, but what does that have to do with the sound caused by lightning? Rain drops pepper the aluminum, with what I guess is a lightning bolt interior, but that is just speculation.

Our first sip of this flippant elixir is predominately passive tastes of grapefruit and lime. They are neighboring flavors tasted parallel but are never braided, each aromas its own and saves the experience from succumbing to the common indistinctness of your usual punch. A subjacent pool of raspberry complements the skyward citruses, perhaps with some cranberry approximately present, fruit providing a little more depth to all the sourness than anticipated. The puckering produce is almost awkwardly tart despite their sufficient sugariness however. Sucralose and ace-k promote one of their better showings, a sweetness assiduously attempting with every sip to fool the palate that the simulacrum saccharinity is honest cane sugar; an effort unsuccessful but appreciated. Overall, Thunder's flavor is a frequent flavor done decently here.

Each can contains: ten calories, caffeine (eighty milligrams), green tea, and B vitamins. The kick is debatably "healthy" due to artificial sugars, and is far from "high voltage" with an ingredient cocktail like this. If you have ever had a similarly sized drink, you should be familiar with its hour long buzz. To end, Thunder shatters no expectations, but fortunately not your waistline.

official site

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Verve Zero Sugar Energy Drink Review

White and silver introduce this small can to unwelcoming eyes, a color scheme who's diet nature is focused far too heavily on. It is identical in design to the other in the line, however this time things are uninterestingly pale and lacks the excitement an energy drink should have.

Effluvious odors pour out soon after a yank of the pull tab, chalky and heavy as it leaves far from a decent impression. This is a diet drink and every gulp is a constant reminder; stevia cannot mask the organic nastiness and even adds its own. For eight ounces we suffer through the leadened tastes of distrait orange and syrupy vanilla, and awkward blending of flavors awkwardly blended. Each sip has musty vitamin notes, a polluting suggestion that weighs heavy on the already bogged down experience. Icing on this cardboard cake is its planate effervescence, a stagnant carbonation that adds another level of leveled insipidity. Overall, Verve Zero Sugar has zero things going for it.

Ingredients include: caffeine (eighty milligrams), A, many B, and C vitamins, green tea, taurine, inositol, and many other ingredients. Its squalid taste obviously suffers from the myriad of minerals, a risky move that only results in an hour long buzz. To end, if Verve Zero Sugar continues their exclusive focus on functionality over flavor, they are going to need more caffeine.

official site
All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owner. I do not take responsibility for any contents linked or referred to on my guest book/weblog. Photos are either mine or owned by there credited sources. All my photos are free to use without permission. If you see a picture that is yours and do not want it here, just email me and it will be removed.