Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Red Bull The Summer Edition Coconut Berry Energy Drink Review

Another year, another summer, and another "Summer Edition" from Red Bull. This time around the flavor is Coconut Berry, and is easily the version I am the least excited for. Aside from coconut drinks generally being unnerving to drink, the can here is a total bore- it is all white and silver and screams "diet" more so than "summer."

Things are far from as bad as I expected, but this is still not the easiest drink to drink. Sourness is the first thing, and often the only thing, you taste, an acidity that is as puckering as the company's flagship flavor. The long dreaded coconut is surprisingly pleasant, in small sips mind you, as it quickly fades into a hodgepodge of blue, black and raspberries, the one part of the experience that benefits from the tyrant tartness. It overall is not a bad beverage, far more drinkable than anticipated and I applaud Red Bull for taking a greater risk than they normally do (remember, for years the only variety they offered was "sugar free"). As it stands, however, The Summer Edition Coconut Berry is a tough sell.

Each can contains:B vitamins, taurine, and 114 milligrams of caffeine. Its kick, lasting an hour and a half, is pathetic considering what you pay, which for me was just shy of three bucks. Overall, this newest Red Bull in town is a funky little diversion that is almost weird enough to justify a one-time purchase.

official site

Monday, May 14, 2018

Mountain Lightning Energy Drink Review

Mountain Lightning, Walmart's generic Mtn Dew clone, has tossed its hat into the energy drink ring with a generic AMP, or at least that is what we can assume. Its can, however, is pretty snazzy for a store-brand, with minimal text and impressive readability. Does it look generic? Well, yeah, but they sure tried!

Oh how I was mislead! Mountain Lightning leans a bit more heavy on the lemon and the lime than it does the vanilla, bubble gum and apple, a classy way of describing a citrus-focused Red Bull clone. What a disappointment! Not that I had anything more than cursory curiosity here, but here we had promise! You do not find that in generic energy drinks. For what it is, the sweetness is pretty good, composed of sugar, dextrose, and sucralose. It is heavy, with a bit of grit between the teeth, though things become a tad overwhelming as sips rip ounces from the can. Overall, Mountain Lightning Energy is a fine tasting Red Bull clone, but why did it have to settle for that?

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, ginseng, guarana, inositol and 160 milligrams of caffeine. The list gets the buzz going fairly quickly and it lasts a solid two hours, well solid perhaps is not the right word- let us go with "average." Overall, Mountain Lighting Energy is a misguided and misleading powder drink.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Spider Mimic Energy Drink Review

Spider Mimic wastes no time informing consumers that it is your classic energy drink flavor; industry term for "Red Bull clone." But hey, there is a market for drinks like this, particularly when the can is sharp. The green on black coloring is a bit bewildering however; shouldn't a Red Bull clone use the famous Red Bull color-scheme?

It has been a long since I had actually had a can of Red Bull; its price tag remains far too steep to ever persuade me to take the nostalgic plunge back to the energy drink stone-age. Even the Austrian beverage seems to be distancing itself from its archaic flavor with the fruit-flavored varieties it pumps out regularly. But the taste here is alright, your C-student cocktail of vanilla and bubble gum, drowned in saccharinity and acidity- not necessarily tartness but the kind of acridity that destroys an empty stomach. Fifty five grams of sugar, sucrose and glucose, sweeten the hell out of the experience, pardon the language, and all this makes for an energy drink that tastes too much like it is proud to be this unimaginative.

This is where things really get cooking! Each can contains: taurine, B vitamins, ginseng, guarana, green tea, and 240 milligrams of caffeine. Overall, I have seen the movie "Spider" and the movie "Mimic;" both of those are more original than the energy drink Spider Mimic.

official site

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Outlaw Fruit Punch Energy Drink Review

Bright red helps the banal design of Outlaw stand out, but it continues to struggle to not look like a store-brand beverage from a decade ago. It is clean and easy to read, sure, but then again, what is the word "original" doing here? Is this the "Original" Outlaw, or are you claiming this is the original energy drink?

Sugar and glucose do the sweetening, in addition to the zero-calorie sucralose. They do an admiral job, giving the flavor a weighted mouthfeel and slightly grainy texture. Oh, the flavor, that is right, knew I was forgetting something. That is because this is the same fruit punch blend I have tasted since the energy drink since the energy drink stone age. You know the one, you taste cherry, guava, pineapple, and lime. Its acidity is a bit underwhelming but there is some sourness. It all makes for a completely generic fruit punch.

250 milligrams of caffeine top off a pretty solid kick, the best thing about this drink. Other ingredients include taurine, ginseng, guarana, maca root and l-carnitine. Overall, Outlaw Fruit Punch is as generic as an energy drink can get, circa 2005.

official site

Friday, April 20, 2018

Caffe Monster Mocha Energy Coffee Review

In addition to taking on Starbucks' Doubleshot drinks, Monster aims its sights on their Frappuccino line; here we will be looking at the Mocha variety. Its glass bottle, tall with a chalkboard design, is a complete riff on the popular coffee house brand- on the shelf, you would be hard press to notice that they are different companies at first glance!

There have been better tasting coffees reviewed here, but Caffe Monster Mocha is a decent cup of joe. Things are less latte and more of that mahogany colored-candy, a thirteen plus ounce commercialized cappuccino-esque cocktail of fat, sugar and chocolate. Four grams of fat, two and a half of it saturated, create a stock fattiness, one that never wows with its lardaceousness, but it is far from watery. Sweetness, from sugar, glucose and sucralose, is adequate, giving the mocha a solid foundation to taste like cocoa on, but it destroys any of the coffee's natural bitterness; sips taste more like chocolate milk than mocha java. If that floats your boat, then why drink coffee at all?

Each glass bottle contains: taurine, B vitamins, and 150 milligrams of caffeine. It is a pretty standard brew, pardon the pun, lasting two and a half hours of decent energy. To end, Caffe Monster Mocha is a safe energy expansion from the gluttonous company.

official site

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Realtree Outdoor Hydration Country Punch Energy Drink Review

This five-calorie potation is not too hard on the eyes. I mean, sure, its corporate "outdoors" look is forced, but that is okay, I have learned to stop caring. What do I still care about then? For starters, three fonts is too much; perhaps your designers should stop hunting and start working. And I have met plenty of "outdoorsy" people, and I have never seen one of them write in cursive.

Every sip lacks the potent saccharinity the fruity cocktail demands; sucralose works alone here, but this is why it never should. The effervescent famine helps the weight of each imbibe, the sham sugar having none of the heft of its caloric cousin, and its crawling density almost pacifies the sugar's melancholic absence. But the poverty of carbonation is less of a virtue than anticipated for this Realtree attempt, no matter the wonders it does for the dull taste. The experience needs desperately some levity, something to freshen up the adamant lugubriosity, and the bubbly deficiency only throws thirty pound weights on an already slow turtle. Flavors are scarce, the guava, pineapple, cherry, and lime, you know, the usual suspects, are crushed and muddled into a deplorably one-dimension cocktail. There is zero depth, no jazzy kick, playful nuance, or even obligatory acidity- just a flat taste of fruit punch by someone who probably never tasted fruit punch... or even punched a fruit.

Each can contains: taurine, B vitamins, and caffeine. The buzz at least does its job, kicking for roughly an hour and a half or so. In the end, Realtree Outdoor Hydration Country Punch is not only loquacious; it is laborious.

official site

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Mega Energy Drink Review

In case the can or name did not give it away, Mega Energy, oh I am sorry, Mega Energy Energy Drink, is a generic brand, straight from Lidl. It ran me less than a buck, but that should not excuse such lazy execution- a solid black can with a green "burst" in the middle? An energy drink named "Mega?" It is as if the company had a blind guy name and design this, and yes, of course he had never heard of energy drinks before either.

The scent is toxic, a harsh, acidic aroma of fruit, spice, and chemicals. The flavor is an exercise in saccharinity, fifty one grams of glucose and sucrose burn as they sink like a stone in your gut- and oh, in case things were not sweet enough, my little eye sees sucralose included as well. When it comes to actual taste, it is a rotten blend of bubble gum, apple and vanilla, a synthetic assembly all wrapped tightly by a mouthfeel so syrupy you would swear the can read "Cough Syrup" and listed its side effects. It is a miserable sixteen ounces, one so lifeless and without personality you start to wonder why you stopped by Lidl in the first place.

The kick is as generic as you would expect from a generic energy drink, but it works, lasting two and a half hours. Each can contains: B vitamins, guarana, inositol, taurine, and 160 milligrams of caffeine. In the end, Mega Energy is a mega mess.
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