Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Rockstar Hardcore Apple Energy Drink Review

Not going to let Monster have all the fun of releasing a fall variety, Rockstar's latest release is Hardcore Apple, easily the brand's best can in some time. Sure, it uses the traditional design we have seen time after time, but there is a good balance in its coloring, and its font for "hardcore" does meet the definition of "hardcore."

It seems every drink line comes down to making an "apple" flavor eventually, but Rockstar's attempt here is one of their more successful entries of recent memory. It is a completely generic taste of McIntosh and Granny Smith varieties, a super sweet cocktail who's extreme saccharinity overpowers the fluid's feeble acidity, much like a fresh apple would. There is zero juice here, but your tongue would be fooled if you eyes did not read that on the back of the can- things are so successfully apple that I almost felt like I needed to wash the can before drinking from it. Now, should any drink have sixty grams of sugar and 260 calories? Of course not, (non-caloric sweeteners acesulfame potassium and sucralose are even included to keep the count from ballooning any further) and although sixteen ounces is a lot for such a one-dimensional flavor, Rockstar is at their simplistic zenith here.

The buzz is pretty rocking, lasting almost four hours, of course, with all the jitters the aforementioned sugar can cause. Each can contains: taurine, B vitamins, inositol, milk thistle, ginseng, guarana, and 240 milligrams of caffeine.

official site

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

True Eagle Energy Drink Review

It is great that True Eagle Energy creates jobs for veterans and all, but its can is about as generic as they come. Walking through my local dumpy salvage store, I barely noticed this can on the bottom shelf, a dull silver background with all the red, white, and blue they could fit inside. The eagle cutout of the American flag is a nice touch, but it screams "patriotism" and whimpers "caffeine."

The flavor is 100% Red Bull's, loaded with synthetic tasting vanilla and acrid apple. It is hugely artificial on the tongue, despite "natural" flavors appearing in the ingredients list, burning your tastebuds as you forcefully swig each ounce- where it pools in your stomach and conflagrates even further. Real sugar does the sweetening, which is a plus, but sips never expose any potent or even charming saccharinity; every gulp is wincingly sour, an acidity that never feels intentional on my tongue. It is a shame that such a patriotic drink tastes like this, as the flavor is not American (it can be traced back to Asia, and more popularly, Austria's Red Bull).

Each can contains: B vitamins, inositol, taurine, and 160 milligrams of caffeine. It is a completely standard formulation that creates a completely formulaic kick, lasting two and a half hours. In the end, True Eagle Energy has its heart in the right place, but fails to leave any sort of impression.

official site

Monday, October 2, 2017

Juice Monster Mango Loco Energy Drink Review

Almost a month before the day of the dead comes Juice Monster Mango Loco, a Halloween-inspired can who's name has little to do with its holiday inspiration. But although it uses the generic Monster design template, the bright colors and unorthodox graphics help create something more distinct than the brand has been in a long while.

Mango Loco certainly tastes like mango, for better or worse, but I suppose that will happen when the second ingredient is "mango juice." Though heavy on the stone fruit, the carbonated fluid that travels across your tongue is too sweet, loosing any intricacy the drupe has to offer in every distractingly saccharine sip. Initial imbibes have a pleasant enough flavor, but soon something creeps in and taints the tastebuds- oh yeah, it is the other nine juices, purees and syrups (the list goes something like: guava, white grape, apple, pineapple, lemon, peach, apricot, orange, and passionfruit). The more you drink the less you taste of the namesake mango, with the nuances of the auxiliary produce piercing the bulky mouthfeel and staining your palate of a generic fruit cocktail. Carbonation is the saviour here, a punchy yet relaxed effervescence that keeps afloat the weight of all the nectars. It is not a bad experience, but your tongue will have a hard time differentiating it from the company's Khaos and Ripper varieties.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, inositol, and 152 milligrams of caffeine. This ingredient mixture is less loco than the can implies, providing only a two hour long buzz. In the end, Juice Monster Mango Loco is fun to look at, but less interesting to taste and even less functional.

official site

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Bang Sour Heads Energy Drink Review

Bang is a pretty fantastic name for an energy drink, and although its can is clean and appealing, it lacks the exploding creativity its moniker suggests. The large "b" with a crosshair is a nice touch, but the large, blank background feels like something of a missed opportunity.

The flavor is not as sour as the can promises, actually, it is only mildly acidic; what a disappointment! In terms of flavor, there is not much to speak of, a muddled cocktail of grapefruit, green apple and lemon, cloaked by coarse carbonation and an overwhelming artificial sweetener taste, from the ace-k and sucralose used. It is not a sweet drink, but your tongue feels the burn from the synthetic sugars as well as the overcoming quantity of supplement ingredients; you sip constantly hoping to wash the slightly metallic, almost bitter stain off your palate, only for each subsequent imbibe to introduce reinforcements for the unpleasant aftertaste.

Each can contains: B vitamins, vitamin C, coenzyme Q10, creatine, and 300 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is without a doubt the best thing about this produce, a kick lasting well north of the three hour range, if you can stomach the taste. Overall, Bang Sour Heads' potency is only thing that gives you any bang for your buck.

official site

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Hype Enlite Energy Drink Review

Rising from the grave is the Hype line, a brand not seen on this site in six years! This time, Enlite's can has more purple and a bit less pink than it had all those years ago when I last reviewed it, however it is no more interesting. The giant white brand name is at least easy to read, however the smaller "energy" and the subsequent cursive text is difficult to decipher.

The crystal clear liquid sits flatly on the tongue, a dull and metallic experience mewed with minuscule sweetness and even less flavor. It is an awful cocktail, a Red Bull clone bitter with its blend of apple, vanilla, and citrus, all so chemical-tasting with a hebetudinous texture that weighs down the already uncharismatically carbonated experience. The three savors sit dissonantly stitched together, with every unfortunate gulp you feel the explicit walls between each dissentient sapor. The stannic flavor from the can perverts each of the many obnoxious sips of this tatterdemalion potable, interdicting the three-part sugar-system of sucralose, ace-k and actual sugar from actual sugaring. Overall, Hype Enlite needs some enlightening.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, and 152 milligrams of caffeine. The ingredient blend lamentably loses eight milligrams of my namesake chemical and some others, however the kick is equally unceleritous. In the end, Hype Enlite's tepid reformulation took bad and made it worse.

official site

Friday, September 8, 2017

Rockstar Revolt Killer Black Cherry Energy Drink Review

Rockstar Revolt Killer Black Cherry is a joyless looking energy drink, using the same template the company has used for years. At this point only some text and colors change between releases, leaving me jaded of a design that was unappealing to begin with.

The taste here is a massive misfire, surely one of Rockstar's least successful beverages. Or at least, it is one of their worst drinks that have a normal flavor (remember, this is the company that makes a cucumber drink). Nothing works here, every aspect operates independently from each other, an under-oiled machine where flavor, sugar, acidity, and carbonation work as individuals and not as a whole. Sweetness proves to be the experience's biggest flaw, sixty eight grams of pure sugar, causing the calorie count to be a completely inexcusable 280. But it is a saccharinity that tastes dull, never quite sweet enough to combat the potation's piercing acerbity- and it is a tartness that is painfully incomplete without a harmonious sweetness. Effervescence is another downfall, slumberous bubbles barely lift the drink from feeling flat on the palate.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, inositol, ginseng, guarana, milk thistle, and 240 milligrams of caffeine. That last part is the only reason to drink this trash, as it births a wonderful three and a half hour long kick. To end, Revolt Killer Black Cherry should be killed off the Rockstar line.

official site

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Monster Hydro Mean Green Energy Drink Review

Another plastic can, another day. Monster Hydro's next variety "Mean Green" sounds less like a Gatorade clone and more like a nickname for the company's signature beverage. Its design is much cleaner than most offerings from the brand, particularly refreshing is the lack of any cheap "texture" on the walls of the packaging, but... well, let me get this out there... what the hell flavor is "mean green?"

First sip exposes the potable's cheap, diluted lemon-lime taste, a generic flavor profile who is thin on the tongue and rather under sweetened. The lack of carbonation is a double-edged sword, a textural break from the general malaise of other energy drinks, but imbibes become thickened and heavy, weighing down the palate with real and fake sugars, a blend of sugar, glucose and sucralose. But the sugars lack the heft the citruses demand; sure, there twenty three grams of the caloric stuff, but a cloying, syrupy sweetness lacks the mouthfeel something more balanced, more natural and honest. The lemon and lime flavors are deficient in acidity, as well as general vigor, and pine for something to take control of the ennui experience. By your last gulp you are excited to toss the bottle away, and reach for something to relieve your mouth from this sticky, sappy and generally weird beverage.

Each bottle contains several B vitamins, taurine, inositol, and 125 milligrams of caffeine. As an energy drink, it lacks the functionality expected, with the kick lasting about an hour and a half. And for a "hydration" product? Well let me just say, I spent about twenty minutes out in the hot summer sun, and this sixteen plus ounce drink did not refresh me any more than a glass of water would have.

official site
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