Saturday, April 16, 2016

Shock Wave Orange Mango Energy Drink Review

Slightly textured, dully orange and packed with uninspired black swirls and dots, this Shock Wave design is wearing thin and fast. On the back, above the nutrition facts, it is discovered that this is fifty percent juice- yet why the front of the aluminum transport does not mention this is an error in basic design. What some health conscious drinkers look for, what could be the beverage's biggest bout of individuality is lost in the pennies saved by hiring that low-rent graphic designer.

A powdery mouthfeel, a tickling tartness, and a sweetness about as perfect as only twenty grams can get; this fifty percent juice potable is the best tasting Shock Wave yet. The can calls for white grape and pear as leading vegetation in the equation, but your tongue will taste only the mango and the orange; the duo orchestrated into a single flavor with the depth of two. The nectar cocktail has the weight anticipated from the sizable quantity of fruit extract, but its effervescence lightens every imbibe into a sudsy elixir of innocent innocuousness, a potation perfect for a warm summer day. Sugar from the fruits, dextrose, and sucralose cause a sweetener system of only twenty grams and ninety calories, a sugar strategy never syrupy or particularly heavy, but one serendipitously with enough heft.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, and a paltry 100 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is a disappointment considering its fun flavor, almost as if the company was forced to choose between delivering power or taste. In the end, Shock Wave Orange Mango is cheap enough that a purchase, solely for the tongue, is not a bad buy. But as an energy drink, what the front of the can hails this as, it is a disappointment.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Joker Fruit Punch Mad Energy Drink Review

This Joker is a little red in the can; looking almost identical from the original variety, save for the color swap and two addition words. It is a decent drink visually, a fairly fun, if not a tad corporate, potable now exclusive to Circle K convenience store shelves.

Tons of high fructose corn syrup cascade onto the tongue, a surprising saccharinity, one with a thin texture and pleasant weight for such an overabundance of the treacly sweetness. Carbonation is among the best characteristics every sip offers, an excited effervescence that bubbles like a child's pop should, and, let us be honest, fruit punch is best tasted as a kid. Flavors are your standard: orange, pineapple, guava, and cherry- they bulk up most sips. Some lime puckers up many imbibes, brightening the beverage with its sharp, fresh tasting tartness. Additionally, a touch of grape, mostly white, breathes its breath into the experience, adding only bland sweetness and slight depth to the aforementioned acidity. Overall, this Joker is not bad- actually, it is pretty tasty! But it lacks the creativity that would have starved off the "generic" aftertaste of every sip.

Each sip contains: ginseng, inositol, guarana, taurine, 240 calories, and 140 milligrams of caffeine. The latter is most disappointing, considering the taste and look of the drink had an inescapable cheap quality to it, and this disappointing two hour kick is no better.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Monster Gronk Energy Drink Review

Call me blissfully oblivious, but who the hell is this "Gronk" guy? My know-it-all friend Google calls him a football player, but that does not explain his business on a Monster can. The typical puffery on the backside of the metal does little to explain his place on energy drink shelves, however, its can is not all too shabby. The red and blue curved stripes are slimming on the bare aluminum colored can and, well actually, that is all I got.

Monster's stock flavor, you know, the vanilla, cotton candy, and apple taste the company has seemingly dozens of versions of, has been, to quote the can, "re-engineered." That is corporate lingo for Red Bull clone, though, not that the flavor was ever original to begin with. Every one of the sixteen ounces stinks of the gummy bubble gum and super sickly vanillin, strangled by an acerbic apple sapor. Glucose, sucrose, and sucralose (say that five times fast) make up the sugar-system here, fifty two grams of the stuff, a sticky and relatively sirupy sweetness, gumming up the stern of each sip. It is a mediocre saccharinity, one where a touch more of the artificial stuff would have countered the overwhelming gooeyness. Overall, this entirely uninspired ripoff of the popular beverage leaves me pining for the slightly less stale Monster-taste, something I never expected to say.

Each can contains: taurine, ginseng, l-carnitine, guarana, inositol, B vitamins, and 144 milligrams of caffeine. The kick lasts just under two hours, with a solid sugar rush partially extending that length. In the end, Monster Gronk is a stupid sounding and weak Red Bull clone from a company with too many fans to fall so miserably. Let it be said, I am not one of those fans, especially after suffering through the entire can.

official site

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Starbucks Doubleshot Spiced Vanilla Energy Coffee Review

2016 appears to the year for brand resurrection, now this time both the Starbucks line and its Doubleshot sub-line. Its can follows the basic brand template, and appears to be an update of the original "Vanilla" variety, reviewed here seven years ago. It is a clean design, telling consumers its coffee origins, flavor, and brand with a quick glance. However, the bright red belt at the top, and the circle towards the bottom, have little place on the can except to bring attention to its flavor and contained supplements.

Three grams of fat, half saturated, craft a shockingly creamy first sip, and the fattiness never lets go and who's only flaw could be how unrelentless it is. Its flavor is an even bigger success; sure, it tastes like your typical vanilla, but there is an ill-defined zest to it, redolent of cinnamon, nutmeg and clove, with some slight nuttiness nestled beneath it all. The coffee is the weakest link, lost inside the lardaceous mouthfeel and ambrosial spiciness. Its slight bitterness is the bean's best facet, synthesizing seductively with the spiced spice sapor. Usually these fat-sodden "coffee" drinks do not fare well here on the Caffeine King, however, this one takes a vivacious, rich, and tasty approach.

Each can contains: B vitamins, vitamin C, calcium, taurine, inositol, ginseng, guarana, and caffeine. There is also 200 calories and twenty nine grams of sugar. The kick lasts as long as any drink of comparable size, lasting two hours, maybe more. To end, Spiced Vanilla provides renascent interest in the previously platitudinous Starbucks line.

official site

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Realtree Outdoor Bush Master Energy Drink Review

Back from the dead is Team Realtree, now just "Realtree," with a new Bush Master flavor. The name refers to snakes, guns, the military, superheros and supervillains, and unfortunately this drink is not based on either of the latter two. The brand's formerly resealable cans have been price-reduced to your normal pull-tab type, and its can design remains ever so hunting-inspired. At least the previously slapped on company name has been shrunk in favor of a clean logo. However, the back of the can says "I like it muddy." Please Realtree, take a shower.

Like the original Realtree reviewed five years ago, Bush Master is inspired by soda. This time cherry cola, and it is by far the best of the brand. Sure there is high fructose corn syrup, nearly sixty grams of the sweet stuff, but it lends itself beautifully to the nostalgic simplicity of the soda it parodies. The cherry has a slight acidic edge to it, a taunting tartness that feels like it has more to offer than being second fiddle to the cola. Speaking of which, it is your typical cocktail of vanilla, some slight citrus and spices, however only cinnamon stands out; the more encouraging stemmed fruit should have been granted greater opportunity to shine. It is a syrupy saccharinity, a gummy one too, and you would enjoy the experience more at a more reasonable eight or twelve ounces, but the gleaming child in me could not care. Carbonation proves the weakest link here, the first ingredient, however, it proves too restricted for the pop-approximating emprise.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, and caffeine. The buzz is mostly from all the sugar, a fun, jittery run that ends in a harder crash than expected after two hours. In the end, Realtree Outdoor Bush Master's more usual can is a disappointment, but its taste is the best in the line, even with all its faults. Although it is its uneven kick that truly marks the entire thing as uneven.

official site

Monday, March 14, 2016

Shock Wave Energy Drink Review

Shock Wave is the Speedway convenience store's official energy drink, in case its boring baby blue textured can, complete with generic swirls and name, did not give it away. If the design does anything right, it would be how clean it is; there is a refreshing lack of clutter or distraught.

Shocking the world, this is not a Red Bull clone; kudos Speedway for parodying another, albeit lesser known, drink. Every sip is seeped in passion fruit, mango, and orange, a cocktail of fruits most akin to NOS, although with its harsh, trademark bite replaced by an undercurrent of lemon and guava. Sacchariferous and sour, both work for the drink as a whole and not a particular sapor, a sickly and syrupy sugariness practically purely high fructose corn syrup, sixty five grams of the stuff! On the tartness side of things, it is a mild one, an acidity barely there, and only there seemingly for a slight relief of the extreme, child-cooler-like saccharinity. Each gulp is cluttered with the myriad of tastes tasted without an explicit hierarchy, no sole flavor overpowering another, birthing an experience playful and chaotic in a market saturated with safe, one-note, and boring beverages.

Each can contains: inositol, ginseng, B vitamins, and 160 milligrams of caffeine. The kick reminds you of its store-brand origins more so than the taste, lasting two hours, and all the aforementioned sugar giving one hell of a sugar crash. To end, Shock Wave is considerably less generic than initially believed; take that for what you will, however.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Power Energy Toothpaste Review

Power Energy Toothpaste is a caffeinated, well, toothpaste, a first according to the back of the packaging, and the only one reviewed here; if that is not unique, I do not know what is! Its tube is a petite little thing, resembling your average travel-sized variety, complete with a minimal design with a fun, lightning-bolt toothbrush graphic. However, the plastic case's best feature is its slogan: "get a rush while you brush."

Going with a manual and electric toothbrush, Power Toothpaste's minty toothpaste was experienced across several levels of "dirty" mouth; upon waking up in the morning, and after eating. Revving the electric toothbrush, the paste for your tooth disintegrates well and moves fast to coat your chompers in minty goodness; a potent peppermint flavor that works unsurprisingly well with the grainy mouthfeel. Using a manual brush, things are no different. There is all the artificial sweetness to all commercial toothpastes present, achieved here via xylitol and magnasweet with a slight bite of caffeine bitterness. Its texture while not brushing is stiff, resembling chunky marshmallow creme, stickiness and all. Both morning and post-meal breathe were neutralized after brushing with the peasized amount, at least I felt so; persuading someone to smell your breath twice is harder than it sounds. With Red Bull the most common energy drink, Power Toothpaste could have gone that route with its flavor, instead of its mintiness. Its taste is generic for what it is, but for what it is, it is tasty.

Caffeine is all we get here, and only in the nebulous "similar to coffee" or something crap description on the back of the tube. The internet calls for 106 mg of caffeine per mL, which is an impressive amount and something they should plaster all over promotions. Each use certainly perked me up, with a buzz about an hour in length with each two minute brushing session. Overall, buyers beware, Power Toothpaste will make you want to invest in a good toothbrush.

official site

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Red Bull the Orange Edition Energy Drink Review

In an odd turn of events, the pale Red Bull Zero Orange has received a full-sugar brethren. Its can remains identical save for silver and orange swapping places; this makes things considerably easier to read, however its name is just as stupid as calling it "Orange Bull," although that is a mistake they made at the line's conception.

"The Taste of Tangerine" the can reads; several sips in, and I am still waiting. The flavor is as familiar as any orange soda, but with a few pleasant surprises that make it (mostly) its own. The usual extreme sugariness is traded for a more robust tartness, though the thirty eight grams of sucrose still honey things up to a sometimes sickly degree. Sips are loaded with all the orangey-goodness you would expect from the color of the can, though there is a slight hint of blood orange livening every few imbibes, and the belated tangerine's even more rare appearance extends each quaff's complexity. There is a clout of clogged syrupy sweetness as the can nears the completion of its short twelve ounces, and although none of the gulps ever resemble the flavor that ugly bull is known for popularizing, it seems that orange remains the hardest flavor to mess up; in other words, this wholly-generic experience is pretty good.

Your reward from the 160 calories of expensive orange-soda is an unimpressive kick, one lasting under two hours. Each can contains: B vitamins, caffeine (114 milligrams), and taurine. All in all, Red Bull the Orange Edition is their best edition. Or at least, one of the better.

official site

Friday, February 19, 2016

Monster Ghost M-100 Energy Drink Review

Hm, there does not seem to be anything in the picture to the right- oh wait, the can is just camouflaged. A bright yellow logo of the thirteenth letter in our alphabet tells you the brand instantly, however it is the ungainly background that stalls this unusually designed drink. With art from an art-school flunkie, this textured can is one of Monster's worst.

A powdery orange taste gently swims onto your tongue, an introduction to one of the more interesting Monsters in a long while, though it is ridiculous than revivifying. The opening citrus act tangos playfully with a relaxed lemon taste, stripped of its sourness and stitched to a softer rendition of the ordinarily stark lime. However, the star of each quaff is melon, predominately indistinct but with most notable nuances of honeydew and cantaloupe. Retaining characteristics of both candied and natural interpretations of the fleshy fruit, every gulp is supped with almost confusion, it demonstrates the swill's sole sourness and each subsequent sip only boosts the bemusement. There is a crash as the potation climaxes, painting an experience with a heavy artificial dryness. Overall, it does not taste anything like you would expect from that giant "M" on the can. A unique change-of-pace, but the Mtn Dew Kickstart line has had more success in the mid-calorie, mildly-caffeinated spectrum.

Your usual Monster this is not, a sad hour long buzz that disappoints not only the line's fans and those who shelled two bucks plus on a whim. Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, ginseng, l-carnitine, guarana, inositol, and 100 milligrams of caffeine. In the end, Ghost M-100 is a gamble that instead of paying off, gave refunds.

official site

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Rockstar Cucumber Lime Energy Drink Review

Green jumping off of the Caucasian background, this Cucumber Lime variety is arguably the company's strangest effort yet. Its can, though, fortunately shies away from featuring the fruits on the front of the can, which has in the past plagued some drinks. Otherwise the can is typical Rockstar fare, nothing less and sadly nothing more.

The cucumber flavor resides on the rear of your tongue, an earthy bitterness to a pool of astir aqua. There is a slight melon edge to the astringency, however it is muddled inside the raw experience here, one unlike anything ever reviewed here at the Caffeine King. There is some nuance of iceberg lettuce with every trepidatious imbibe, with each sip supped clumsily as it resembles a New Year's resolution salad more so than your average energy drink. The can claims there to be lime, and aside from a slight sour tickle as you gulp, this is sixteen ounces devoted to the gourd. The effervescence is aggressive compared to the lackadaisical flavor and is the only aspect that ever resembles something normal; even all the fake sugars add to the cultivated plant's dictation. Overall, I can see the direction Rockstar is taking; their next variety? Cucumber and Ranch. They will be the first in, and thusly dominate, the energy drink salad market. Pretty soon we will have caffeinated salads.

Each can contains: taurine, caffeine (160 milligrams), milk thistle, ginseng, and B vitamins. Unfortunately, the flavor is as stock-Rockstar as the can, without any of the unbridled, if not misguided, creativity of the taste. Overall, this Rockstar was not something worth my money, but it is something I'm glad I spent money on.

official site

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Mtn Dew Kickstart Midnight Grape Review

The newest of the sixteen ounce Kickstarts, Midnight Grape's can fits right at home with its older siblings. The purple to black gradient looks pretty fantastic, however the transport's organization leaves something to be desired. The words "Mtn Dew," "Kickstart" and "Midnight Grape" are haphazardly laid about the can, leaving our eyes to piece together its name and to capture the actual flavor out of that decent chunk of text.

The flavor is smooth, with high fructose corn syrup sweetening without imbuing every imbibe with much of a gummy or sticky texture. It surely lacks the grainy nuance or heft of real, pure sugar, but with ace-k and sucralose as its sweetening partners, each sip is not as bad as you would maybe expect. There is only the slightest sourness to any given gulp, and the effervescence's dullness leaves the liquid lackadaisically lounging on the tongue. Well, many sentences in and... did we forget something? That we did, and it would be the actual taste. Grape allegedly is and when I say allegedly, I mean how the flavor dissipates into a sappy, saccharine sensation upon each splash of the purple colored concoction. Pepsico, the producers behind the brand, are no virgins to the vine-grown vegetation, making both Amp and your normal Mtn Dew grade-flavored potations. however they do so here without class, skill, or fun.

The kick to this Kickstart does not do much kicking, lasting an hour maybe, thanks to only: potassium, eighty calories and ninety milligrams of caffeine. On the whole, Mtn Dew Kickstart Midnight Grade occupies a midpoint between energy drink and soda, failing as either and as its own.

official site

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Bing Black Energy Drink Review

Thank you local hipster grocery store, I have been looking for the phenomenal Bing's black brother for many years now. Its can is a silky black, ample red text text popping off of the background darkness. Not everything is paradise however, as there is a lot of text that drifts the can out from its sophistication and leaves you reading when you should be drinking.

The can crackles as it is cracked open, unleashing a deep, robust scent that would work in a pinch as an air freshener. First sip engulfs your palate with the sharp flavors of both blackberry and cherry, a simple five percentage of juice acting as if it was followed by a zero. Every sip is powerful, a blast of concentrated, coltish, fruity pleasure, the former of the two tastes adding a fluffy texture with its minor edge of tartness. The latter of the dyad adding an immense depth to the outer rim of every imbibe, a controlled eruption of dense complexity that collapses as you finalize each sip. You take your second gulp only to notice the lovely liquid has been washed off of your tongue, and that each succeeding swig feels like your first, a real Groundhog-day experience. Sweetness is achieved from cane sugar and sucralose, and they do a fine job here, exercising a believable weight for a drink with only forty calories. Carbonation also deserves an introduction, a hardly conspicuous effervescence that I cannot imagine the twelve ounces without.

Each can contains: caffeine (120 milligrams), ginseng, guarana, acai, flax seed, vitamin C, B vitamins, among others. The kick is the weakest link, easily, but the rest of the beverage make it worth visiting, even just once and even just for its flavor.

official site

Monday, January 18, 2016

E-ON Grapefruit Punch Energy Drink Review

E-ON Grapefruit Punch comes in a surprisingly polished can, looking very modern with its tiny grid background of silver and seemingly bare aluminum, with only a few yellow boxes of text. Its svelte twelve ounce can aids in its mission to look sleek, however it is extremely hard not only to read the words in the image to the right, but also real life. A slender stroke would have gone a long way.

A loud crack as the can opens, the aroma is striking and continues to hype up the expectations for this skinny drink. Its first sip is equally striking, an effervescent elixir transporting the eventually bitter taste of grapefruit across the palate, with a splash of lemony tartness. Initially, every imbibe is mature yet playful, a breezy rendition of the morning favorite fruit, with a slight edge of simple orange, a very welcome addition who is unfortunately comparatively dimensionless. As the syrup travels your tongue, its acerbity blazes up from the otherwise vivacious vegetation; the thirty eight grams of cane sugar appearing only to keep the acidity at bay, while the astringent flavor burns unobstructed with each sip. Its climax is welcome but underwhelming, with a dying of the acridity, leaving only a slight bluntness to the remaining sourness. E-ON Grapefruit Punch is an experience I will not soon forget, and whether or not it is any good is irrelevant; it is daring and different, and for that, I appreciate it, even if I do not like it.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, guarana, and 142 milligrams of caffeine. There is also 150 calories and is three percent juice. The kick is nothing spectacular, actually it is on the verge of poor, lasting just under two hours. To end, E-ON Grapefruit Punch is unusual, and in a sea of predictability, that is refreshing. Especially when the drink itself is made by the same people who bottle the terrible and trite Tornado drinks.

official site

Sunday, January 10, 2016

No Fear Citrus Energy Drink Review

The No Fear brand's six year lacuna ends with a bright yellow color atop a familiar design. Purchased for a cool seventy five cents, one could not help but grab each of the several varieties the scrubby grocery store was selling. Its can comes with only a few modifications since we last witnessed a review, with paint blotches in the aforementioned color to brighten up otherwise state hardcore visuals.

No Fear Citrus has a super sweetness that assaults your tongue as your first sip washes over your palate. The flavor to all this sugariness is full-on lemonade, a completely candied take on the tart vegetation. Each sip is heavy on the tongue, a marvelous weight thanks to the incipiently silky saccharinity, but soon the sixty six grams breaks down into a syrupy, grainy mess, clogging and choking the throat with every imbibe. Having no fear with adding empty calories, HFCS is the culprit of the waning cassonade, the infamous declasse carbohydrate that preforms with admirable class only to depart its passion halfway through. In the end, No Fear Citrus is 100% drinkable, but it is uneven and unimpressive considering the brand's long hiatus.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, inositol, caffeine (eighty milligrams per eight ounce serving), guarana, ginseng, l-carnitine, grape seed extract and l-arginine. The buzz is uninspired, lasting two and a half hours, ending with a quite nasty crash despite revving up with ease. Overall, No Fear Citrus marks the return of the company with more of a bleat than a bang.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Joker Mad Energy Drink Review

Joker, Joker, Joker, it has been a long time. Seven years since the last review and nine since the review of this variety, if you can even call those reviews. Now exclusive to Circle-K stores like the long-forgotten GAzZU line, Joker's resurrection retains the playful spirit of the original Hansen creation with only a slight renovation of the can, standing fairly well out from the competitors on the same shelf. A two-for-three deal help, too.

Lots of vanilla and bubble attack the palate upon first swig, with a strong, nethermost taste of tart apple and some distant powdery cotton candy. The individual sapors are distinctly their own, but blend together rather well and craft that familiar flavor with a slight pace only its own. It is all very chemical, very sour and extremely sweet; HFCS and sucralose doing the sweetening for a gut-busting total of sixty four grams of the crystalline substance. Each cadaverous sip after the next reminds us that this is a generic energy drink, a cheaper version of its famous neighbors on the chill chest shelf.

Each can contains: B vitamins, taurine, ginseng, inositol, guarana, and 162 milligrams of caffeine. A anemic two-ish hour buzz is all ya get out of here, with a bit of a sugar crash afterword. All in all, Joker Mad Energy is far from the worst energy drink, far from the worst store-brand energy drink, hell it is far from the worst way you could spend your buck fifty on. But that does not make it any good.
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