Friday, January 20, 2017

Bomba Mixed Berries Energy Drink Review

One of several Bomba varieties, Mixed Berries is a dimensionless blue hue with a label that has even less personality. But that does not seem to matter in a shaped glass container like this, its pull tab only adding to is charm.

The taste dismally has less character than its military-inspired transport; remaining an unenthusiastic cocktail of blueberry, blackberry and raspberry- only less interesting than that troika suggests. Tartness is a massive disappointment, understated and could use a kick in the pants. Sweetness is a strong player here, twenty eight grams of pure sugar sweetening with a level of honesty and enjoyment the the actual flavor lacks so brazenly. There is a refreshing edge of realism to every imbibe, a slight organic bite that breaths the only individualism into the limited sips offered.

Each bottle contains 120 calories, some taurine and inositol, and caffeine (seventy five milligrams, per internet sources). The kick is a weak hour and a half long one, so be sure to pick up another pick-me-up. In the end, Bomba Mixed Berries is a decidedly mixed bag.

official site

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Powered On Peach Mango Energy Drink Review

This simplistic bottle comes to use from the bowels of a discount store, but its resealable cap and clean design make it a surprising find amongst all the dinged and dented cans. There is too much text, but the lines that curve on the bottom left are a pleasant distraction.

Every sip is pure peach, its rough flavor choking off any mango playfulness and consumes any smoothness the refreshing absence of effervescence provides. No gulp is tart, no acidity to balance out the raw, nearly bitter bite of the fuzzy stone fruit; the only serendipitous sensation here is the finale, where it all collapses in a water vortex as you finish each imbibe, cleansing the palate of the amaroidal aftertaste. The muted sweetness destroys drinkability, however, as the cane sugar, erythritol and Stevia sweetener system fail to counter the coarse texture of the namesake fruit.

Each bottle contains: vitamin C, B vitamins, and 100 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is milder than anticipated but lasts slightly longer, a decent trade-off that has its market. All in all, Powered On Peach Mango looks okay and its kick has its audience. But its taste? That should be powered off.

official site

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Mati Citrus Healthy Energy Drink Review

The slender black can has a cartoonish look thanks to the citrus illustrations and the fat text, which does not really give the drink the organic-edge it wants to have. But it is surprisingly easy to read, so there is that.

Prepare for your first sip; this is not a flavor you are accustomed to consuming. It is coarse and pungent, with an organic bite that could choke a homeopathic doctor. But that sort of gives Mati its personality, with the tastes of guayusa leaves, madly reminiscent of green tea, giving way to the tart lime and orange tastes its can promises, but only after a few very large sips. As sapors are savored, the extreme bitterness from the flavor's earthy edge births a slight sweetness, not unlike what a black coffee offers. The actual fruit cocktail is a generic one, one that offers little in the way of depth, but the uniquely particulate buildup and climax pushes my review in the positive spectrum.

The can does not say exactly how much caffeine is in this twelve ounce can, but the internet claims 150 milligrams. Now that is what I am talking about! There is also some vitamin C, but my spidey-senses tell me it has little to do with the two and a half hour long kick.

official site

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Your Drink Sucks (Year 2016)

With great power comes great responsibility, and it is my responsibility to prevent drinkers across the world from experiencing terrible energy drinks. Whether it is an ugly can, a nasty taste, or a weak kick, these are truly 2016's worst of the worst.

*these are not necessarily products that were released in 2016, but rather those that were reviewed in 2016.



Unfortunately for Rockstar, their worst drink this year was a madly creative one. Even if that creativity was misguided and poorly executed.









A terrible coffee drink that was a rip-off even at its seventy four cent discounted price.










Fountain energy drinks have wonderful potential, but this one has a terrible execution.









Starbucks S'mores Frappuccino

Not an energy drink per se, but this coffee drink butchered its bonfire artifice.









Monster Gronk

Monster Gronk trades its mundane taste for that of Red Bull, and the results are a colossal miscalculation.







Monster Mutant Super Soda

Mutant may also be made by Monster, and is arguably one with the most potential, it is such a shame taking sips of this Mtn Dew clone.








No Fear Citrus

I feel bad placing this drink on this list, but after six years and no new varieties, the disappointment is felt, even when I did not think I had any expectations.








Realtree Outdoors Xtra Citrus

This drink violates the Caffeine King's first law of good drinks, by not making one.









Mossy Oak Pursuit

It is not that I hate these so called "camouflage" drinks because I am not a hunter, but because they truly suck.






Tuesday, December 27, 2016

NOS Rowdy Energy Drink Review

It has been awhile, NOS, two years to be exact. Its can remains largely identical to other varieties, however this time the flavor is no where to be found. Rowdy?! Is that the flavor? Or is this a revamped version of the brand's original taste? You know what would have solved this confusion; writing the flavor on the can.

Surprisingly, the flavor is a fruit punch, and a shockingly good one at that. It is a cocktail of cherry, guava, orange, pineapple and lime, and it is not a drink of divine depth. The pentamerous union lacks the nuance of more complicated punches, and from your first sip to your last, everything tastes the same. But what shines here is its liveliness of the fruits here; they are bright depictions with tons of tartness and even more sweetness. That sugariness, fifty grams of high fructose corn syrup and sucralose, comes across as a tad syrupy, but that is okay- providing imbibes with a texture so childish and unpretentious that would swear the translucent cooler dripping down your neck was from that small carton you drank in the school playground with a bendy straw.

Each can contains B vitamins, taurine, inositol, and just 159 milligrams of caffeine, making the kick more unfortunate than the aluminum transport. It lasts a disappointing two hours, and feels like it is mostly a sugar-rush. All in all, NOS Rowdy is an uneven way to experience a fun fruit punch.

official site

Monday, December 19, 2016

Popeye Anchorin' Apple Energy Drink Review

After three years of waiting comes another variety of Popeye, a surprisingly tasty line of drinks based off of the comic strip. This time things are Anchorin' Apple, but aside from the flavor and the word "energy," the can struggles to demarcate from the brand's variants.

Seventy percent juice is a tall order and every imbibe of the lucent liquid tastes potently of the populous portion of fresh nectar. White grape and apple juice are the sole tastes, with the mystery "natural flavors" on the side of the can adding nothing but insipid intrigue. The myriad of mouthfuls this cartoon container conjures up a weight that only such a large quantity of juice offer, as well as a sourness that could pucker a lemon. But the root problem here is the flavor of apple itself; I can just go to any grocer and pick up a bottle. The brand's previous offerings, Blackberry and Clementine, won over my tongue by featuring fruits not famously sapped. I am sorry Popeye, but you will not be wining over Olive Oyl with this flavor.

Each can contains: B vitamins, vitamin C, and 160 milligrams of caffeine. The kick continues the cooler's decline into commonality, lasting two and a half hours. On the whole, Popeye Anchorin' Apple is the least interesting of the brand, no matter how well it impersonates its namesake fruit.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Dragon Tail Ice Mint Blizzard with Lemon Energy Drink Review

Dragon Tail Ice Mint Blizzard with Lemon- sheesh, what a long name! Why not reduce it to "Lemon Blizzard" or something? Its prolix title is particularly egregious considering the other variety I purchased is simply "Blazin' Tropical." But the bottle is otherwise fantastic, its logo a chrome side shot of the mythical namesake creature, and the glass has a terrific heft to it.

Its flavor, flooding back memories of Stoked Wild Chill, of course had no chance of living up to the lofty expectations laid by its appearance, and it does not. But it sure tries. First sip punches your palate with a burst of mint, its cooling property freezing your taste buds and turning them blind to the muted taste of lemon, more of a nuance than its bottle insinuates. Forty grams of sugar, all of the pure cane genus, sweeten gentler than anticipated, giving the experience a less candied feel than most. This mintiness remains deep in the back of your throat and intensifies the more you sip, but that is where the problem arises- the menthol itself does not exercise the depth demanded by leading a twelve ounce drink. Additional citrus would have aided the herb's vapid representation here; things unfortuantley begin tasting like a lemon cough drop.

Each bottle contains: 160 calories and unknown amounts of both caffeine and guranan. It probably is not a grand quantitity either; the kick is the most mundane thing about this minty glass bottled beverage- why go out of your way to make such a statement, both to the eyes and to the tongue, if you are not going to do the same for its kick? Overall, Dragon Tail Ice Mint Blizzard with Lemon is an uneven potable, but I cannot ignore the risks it takes, even if they are not followed all the way through.

official site
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