That is right folks, the famous little energy shot is now a full-blown drink... took it long enough. Not that I can really claim to be all that excited; with the likes of Bang, G Fuel and oh so many others, does it really matter? The can however, remains its ugly old self, a poorly shrink-wrapped hunk of aluminum that showcases years of stalwart absentmindedness when it comes to basic visual fidelity.
The front of the design hails that this "tastes better," but my tongue not only disagrees, it is talking to my lawyers Itchy and Twitchy for a deceptive marketing suit. Tastes better than what? Things do indeed resemble grape, but the company looked away from mother nature and instead towards the pharmaceutical aisle for inspiration; an experience so provocatively medicinal, the poor sole sweetener sucralose is without any backup to challenge the challenging swill. So with sweetness out, the sole saving grace could have been acidity. Yet that is not what we have here, a sad little excuse for a fruit that should have been full of life but is instead full of lies. At this point only a few ounces remain, and there is one positive, the potation's clean aftertaste. That means little when each sip just resets the acridity, but hey, I do not want to come off as some kind of grump.
"Works better" also reads the can, although with just 220 milligrams of caffeine, it certainly is lacking when compared to some of the potent potables that have since strangled the market. The buzz is a good one though, a three hour kick that does come up shy of its "5-hour" promise; I will let Itchy and Twitchy add that to their case. Other ingredients include B vitamins, taurine, and others. Overall, 5-hour Energy Grape's taste might have worked in a two or so ounce shot, but as a full-size drink, it sinks to the dying depths of the energy drink sea.
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