Your Drink Sucks (2023)

Look, I do not like picking on cruddy energy products, but with so many new, remade and returning drinks, gums, candies and such, someone has to tell the public what sucks. And by golly that might as well be me.

*these are not necessarily products that were released in 2023, but rather those that were reviewed here in 2023.*

Java Monster Vanilla Light

If you want a low-calorie coffee, my recommendation still stands at: drink it black.

5-hour Energy Extra Strength Grape

This honestly tastes like sixteen ounces worth of energy shots laced with carbonation.

Mtn Dew Flamin' Hot Soda

Dear Mtn Dew, a letter from an occasional fan: please stop while you are behind.

Starbucks Tripleshot Milk Chocolate Zero Sugar

Not the absolute worst of the year, but that, as shown by this article, is not saying much.

Gatorade Fast Twitch Cool Blue

Did you know that PepsiCo owns the Gatorade brand? You would think they, a major soft drink manufacturer, would know how to make a potation not completely, utterly, completely suck.

Dragon Tail Lightning Cola with Tea

Less bad and more massively disappointing, Dragon Tail made me pine for a can of Coke, which is never a very good thing.

Bucked Up Wild Orchard

I have had thousands of different energy drinks, but never one that tasted like rose water. Sure, the company might say otherwise, but you can never trust corporations.