Starbucks Chocolate Cream Cold Brew Premium Coffee Drink Review

Unlike much of the company's canned caffeinated coffee cocktails, Starbucks Chocolate Cream Cold Brew does not explicitly call itself an "energy beverage," which is fine by me. Who needs the formulators being distracted by having to do anything but make a good RTD java? The can certainly is proud of its grounds steeping method, with the text "Cold Brew" appearing far larger than even the brand-name itself! But it is busy, with funky visuals and its alleged flavor written twice!

Somehow, with three grams of fat, half of which is saturated, the texture here is thinner than distilled water. Mouthfuls crash onto the palate with zero weight, perhaps having to do with skim milk appearing second (cream clocking in lower at number four) on the ingredient list, and you swish the cinnamon colored concoction around your mouth, hoping that some lardy goodness with cling to the walls of your tongue. But alas, that does not happen, instead washing away in a most unsatisfying climax, one filled only with the diluted nuance of something that once was a coffee, but is far past its prime. As for the bean brew, you get a hint of that lusted bitterness beneath a sweetness that only knows how to be sweet. There is no depth to any sip, especially the purported "chocolate cream," which has about as much cacao civility as Yoo-hoo. Still, I did deplete the contents of the can in what felt like record time, with only a drop or two left mere moments after cracking it open; suppose that is something.

Being very much not an energy coffee, the buzz here is not unlike your morning mugful from your favorite drip-brewer; it is about the only wholly satisfactory element here, actually.

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