Mtn Dew's Pitch Black has has come and gone several times throughout the brand's history, even getting reviewed by the world famous Caffeine King way back in 2011, but so what? Artificial scarcity hardly excites me, even if it clearly works, but what I do care about is the energy drink adaptation. Its intimidating use of black, green and purple make for a very Halloween look, even though its the month of love.
This flavor washes off of your tongue almost the moment it hits it, a rather forgettable grape impersonation lacking weight, personality and acidity, leaving us with just sweetness and simplicity instead of sweet simplicity. Though actual grape juice is involved, the potable is five percent of the white variety, its presence is minimal on the tongue, an involvement more plausibly due to sounding good to the marketing team. We have four grams of sugar working alongside aspartame, ace-k and sucralose, a saccharinity without nuance or patience, just plopping on the palate like "hey look at me" but forgetting a reason why. Carbonation is another weak point, tasting like it is soon expiring, as if it is to go flat in mere minutes. There are bubbles, so it does do the job, but only the bare minimum.
Proudly proclaimed on the front of the can, we have 180 milligrams of caffeine, and the resulting buzz is a satisfying if unspectacular two and a half hours long. Vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, the usual stuff, also appear, but I came here for my stimulant and dog-gone-it that is what I want! Overall, Mtn Dew Energy Pitch Black is about as memorable as a dark room with nothing to see.
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