Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Monster Rehab Energy Drink Review

Monster Rehab seems to be direct competition to the numerous Rockstar Recovery's, however the prior can is enormously superior to the latter. The distinctive black "M" brand label looks great against the mostly yellow graphic, and the careful balance between dark and light colours really provide an easy indication of the supposed flavour. But there is fault in the overall can, namely with the size of the text bordering the bottom. The large writing certainly dams the lower section of the can, and this problem would doubtfully arise if the words were smaller.

There's obviously a copious focus on lemon, and it displays a faint sourness that's a bit weaker than expected. The prior is still able to achieve some insemination of genuineness, though it should have been somewhat more tenacious. There's a decent texture of pulp to the fluid, thanks to the destitute five percentage of juice, which breaths a crisp edge of realistic air into the experience, how ever mild it may be. The yellow fruit illustrates only the faintest presence of black tea, and honestly, the small mentioning on the can was the only thing that continually reminded me that the product actually contained any, other than its indubitable influence on the scent. The restraining of the former flavouring was for the best, though, as the flawed saccharinity would have most likely been insufficient in protracting the natural bitterness. It's not that it is exactly artificial to the taste, but it doesn't promulgate the same satisfaction as real sugar may have. Overall, Monster Rehab doesn't successfully achieve the lusted authenticity with its sweetness, but the strength of the actual lemonade taste is enjoyable enough for general forgiveness.

I definitely observed a jump in energy, though I jittered mildly during it. There wasn't a crash to follow the three or so hour buzz, and as for the whole "hydration" gimmick, I'm unsure if I indeed felt any more hydrated. Each can contains: caffeine(170mg), taurine, quercetin, guarana, inositol, Goji, and various B vitamins. In the end, though Monster Rehab isn't billowing with any marvelous qualities, it is far more pleasurable than the two bereft Rockstar Recovery varieties.

official site

21 comments:

auchris said...

You're writing about energy drinks. Put down the thesaurus, it doesn't add anything to the content.

Anonymous said...

If you have difficulty understanding that review, go back to middle school.

Anonymous said...

Nice review, I am reading this after cracking open one of these myself (wanting to get a deeper understanding of the caffeine content –-no biggie, I will look elseware for that.) After reading this I feel like I may have made the right choice vs the Rockstar alternatives. I can certainly see what _auchris_ was saying about inserting big words into the review for showmanship. "There's obviously a copious focus on lemon, and it displays a faint sourness that's a bit weaker than expected. The prior is still able to achieve some insemination of genuineness, though it should have been somewhat more tenacious."

Anonymous said...

Heaven forbid you be versed in the English language...

Anonymous said...

auchris is absolutely right. Part of being 'well-versed in the English language' is knowing when it's appropriate to use the words you've looked up online, and when they make you sound like a self-important thirteen-year-old writing a paper for Honors Composition.

Anonymous said...

I got your "insemination of genuineness", right here!

Anonymous said...

Verbose

Anonymous said...

in all honesty 'insemination' is one of the worst possible choices of words for a beverage review...

Anonymous said...

agree with auchris, and anonymous who made the comment about the use of "insemination" in a beverage review!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm going to have to agree. Some light use of more ambitious words shows intelligence and can brighten an otherwise drab review. However, overuse of such words just makes it sound pompous, overly complicated, and a fair bit egotistical. There is a point at which to put down the thesaurus and talk like a normal person, especially when trying to describe something as unsophisticated as an energy drink which is specifically formulated to (among other things) aid in the recovery of a hangover. In order to be a good author, you must learn to speak on your audience's level even when you are capable of doing better...and brother, a bunch of half brain-dead drunkards and frat boys are not going to be talking like that.

On another note...I am unsure whether the author was trying to say that they disliked the saccharin in the product or was just using it as a fancy way of saying it tasted artificial, but to clarify, the product is sweetened with glucose and sucralose...not saccharin. Splenda and Sweet n Low are very much not the same thing, so I decided that needed to be mentioned.

Wow just wow said...

idiots its a fucking drink get over yourselves who gives a rats ass it tastes fine to me . no need to get worked up over a kid who is on the verge of discovering masturbation. grow up and understand theres more important papers to write, such as what retard brought you up to babble on about this nonsense and bullshit. you should just delete and permanently remove any comments or blogs you make on the internet. congrats you have just made 4 people that much stupider. thanks for the storytelling btw nobody gives a fuck

Cheeseman001 said...

dang that was pretty brutal 'wow really wow'. I couldn't believe that this review was so pretentious. I was trying to figure out whether i was crazy or if this drink tasted as weird to other people as it does to me. What i got was an english lesson and a headache. Reading that was just a chore and when i finished it i felt like i had just finished some obscure book of the Bible like in the old testament where none of the diction makes sense.

Anonymous said...

Haha wow seems like he was trying to write an essay for harvard, should have picked a better topic instead of an energy drink lol. This guy would turn a chick off talking to her like this haha.

Anonymous said...

who gives a fuck about the colors on the can, bro?

I came here looking for caffeine content and such, instead I found a faggy Monster-love-poem.

eat a dick

die

you suck

no one likes you in real life

Anonymous said...

i can't believe you people are talking about the author being "well-versed" and the nature of his review.

the comments should be about how you like the drink. not about ragging on each other.

i like the taste of the drink. it goes down fast and gives me lots of energy for a long time. it also helps with migraines which i read on another forum.

Anonymous said...

So that's 2 people now who read this review looking for caffeine content and apparently can't read as they appear to not have found it? Clearly stated in the review it is 170 mg.

I am quite amused by some of the people commenting on the style of the review. People, get a grip! It is a pretty sorry indictment of the educational system and society in general if any native English speaker had to look up any of the words in a dictionary. Complaining of your own inadequacies does not make you look any better. It is true the review does read a bit like a wine review, but there is nothing wrong with that. The use of the word "insemination", while obviously not used in the literal sense, is used correctly in the figurative sense of giving ideas. Compare it with dissemination, a word you may already know.

Unfortunately the main effect of using "insemination" seems to have been to rile all the readers who presumably couldn't get past grade 3 in school.

Anonymous said...

I want to "inseminate" will Monster Rehab help with that?

Anonymous said...

This is the best bit.

"The restraining of the former flavouring was for the best, though, as the flawed saccharinity would have most likely been insufficient in protracting the natural bitterness. It's not that it is exactly artificial to the taste, but it doesn't promulgate the same satisfaction as real sugar may have. Overall, Monster Rehab doesn't successfully achieve the lusted authenticity with its sweetness."

I'm not even entirely sure that "promulgate" was the word that Captain Intellect was looking for. I also don't think that a can can lust at all!
(See that? Can can? See what I did there?!)

Ellision said...

I had this I was not a fan of the taste. In fact I could not even get through it. I had to dump it out .glad I got them 2 for3 !

Anonymous said...

UR SITE IS SHIT

Gordon Wayne Watts said...

I can understand the comments about "big words," but really? Get over it:

The Caffeine King gave an excellent review:

He listed the caffeine content (which I thought Monster had said was 170mg, and indeed he confirms my recollection).

Also, yes, it does taste better than the Rocket-star variety (but probably only because I prefer Black Tea and Orange over Lemonade flavour of the Rocketstar can I tried, not because of any inherent differences -at least that I could notice).

Lastly, yes, I agree that the only 2 problem were the low carb (sugar) content and the "hydration" (electrolyte content) factor; the energy content and vitamins were fine.

It needs more minerals (specifically the electrolytes Calcium, Magnesium, Potassium, and maybe even Sodium, Phosphorous, Zinc, and a few others in higher amounts).

It also needs more CARBS, but I added sugar, which worked, since it was not carbonated. (Had it been carbonated, it would have fizzed when I added the sugar and used up the carbonation fizz.) The 2 artificial sweeteners used (Potassium Acsulfame and Sucralose) are 'good' artificial sweeteners. (As another reviewer said, it does not actually have sodium saccharine.)

NutraSweet (e.g., Equal aka Phenylaspartic acid, the methyl ester of the aspartic acid, phenylalanine) is a "BAD" artificial sweetener: at high temperatures (at, say, 86^F or 30^C), the wood alcohol in ASPARTAME coverts to formaldehyde and then to formic acid, which is POISON! So, it's a good thing Monster does not use NutraSweet.

So, in conclusion, big words or not, I could understand the review (actually, it made for interesting reading), the review was helpful -and lastly, the Caffeine King has even responded to an occasional email from me -- so, besides giving a good review, he's not an asshole; people need to get over themselves: it's only a blog review, for God's sake!

Gordon Wayne Watts
LAKELAND (between Tampa & Orlando)
FLORIDA, U.S.A.

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