Java Monster Triple Shot French Vanilla Energy Coffee Review

Java Monster Triple Shot French Vanilla's can here is clean and concise but lacking in personality. It barely registers when you quickly scan your local energy coffee cooler, blending into the rest of the brand's offerings with its benign beige complexion.

Your first and last sip, and everything in between, is hardly anything to write home about, unless you like spending your time coming up with different ways to write "boring." Three and a half grams of fat, over of half of which is saturated, crash out of the fifteen ounce can and onto your disinterested palate, painting on a dense film of fatty displeasure. Now heavy textured products are nothing new, but there is no flavor to the milkiness, no creamy ecstasy; it feels condensed by something other than the desired dairy delight, like a mild oil or by some sort of starch shenanigans. But its opaque mouthfeel leaves little room to taste any of the promised vanilla, let alone tell what country it is from. Your tongue tastes only sweetness outside of the lardaceousness, a weightless saccharinity that drowns in a sea of flavorless fat. If you noticed I have not mentioned coffee, well, neither does the experience.

Your reward for pushing through an aggressively insipid taste is a good one; 300 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz lasts a solid four hours, making work of even the most tired. To end, Java Monster Triple Shot French Vanilla is potent, but not worth its weight in caffeine.

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