Monster Hydro Mean Green Energy Drink Review

Another plastic can, another day. Monster Hydro's next variety "Mean Green" sounds less like a Gatorade clone and more like a nickname for the company's signature beverage. Its design is much cleaner than most offerings from the brand, particularly refreshing is the lack of any cheap "texture" on the walls of the packaging, but... well, let me get this out there... what the hell flavor is "mean green?"

First sip exposes the potable's cheap, diluted lemon-lime taste, a generic flavor profile who is thin on the tongue and rather under sweetened. The lack of carbonation is a double-edged sword, a textural break from the general malaise of other energy drinks, but imbibes become thickened and heavy, weighing down the palate with real and fake sugars, a blend of sugar, glucose and sucralose. But the sugars lack the heft the citruses demand; sure, there twenty three grams of the caloric stuff, but a cloying, syrupy sweetness lacks the mouthfeel something more balanced, more natural and honest. The lemon and lime flavors are deficient in acidity, as well as general vigor, and pine for something to take control of the ennui experience. By your last gulp you are excited to toss the bottle away, and reach for something to relieve your mouth from this sticky, sappy and generally weird beverage.

Each bottle contains several B vitamins, taurine, inositol, and 125 milligrams of caffeine. As an energy drink, it lacks the functionality expected, with the kick lasting about an hour and a half. And for a "hydration" product? Well let me just say, I spent about twenty minutes out in the hot summer sun, and this sixteen plus ounce drink did not refresh me any more than a glass of water would have.

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