Tornado Storm Energy Drink Review

The Tornado line, hoping to climb out of the hole it found itself in with The Caffeine's 2015 "Your Drink Sucks" list, struggles with its refreshed design. The name itself is clunky to read, a seven letter word occupying three separate lines for some reason. Any goodwill achieved with asymmetrical decals and gritty fonts and colors comes at the cost of readability, which I dunno, is pretty important.

Fifty grams of sugar is all you taste, real sugar too, but not stopping the sickly sweetness that is HFCS in all but name. Despite chilling in the chill chest, every imbibe is warm no matter the temperature my infrared thermometer claims it to be, making the sticky saccharinity crawl across your palate like a snail on a springtime stroll. The flavor? Oh yes there must be something here, and all tasted under the obdurate sugariness is only the faintest of vanilla and apple, a Red Bull clone with a synthetic sheath clouding any verisimilitude any of the sixteen ounces could offer. Largely unnoticed despite its girth, all gulps sink in a perfunctory acidity, a sourness that would hopefully deteriorate the merciless maltose. Instead palates are battered by both the cruel carbohydrate and the tenacious tartness, birthing an undercurrent of bitterness as the tall transport is direly depleted. Overall, Tornado Storm is an experience pining for a flavor that can at least attempt to match the mediocrity of the bottle.

Each bottle contains: B vitamins, taurine, caffeine (142 milligrams), l-carnitine, and guarana. It is a wildly unspectacular buzz, lasting two hours at most, arguably only a sugar rush. To end, Tornado Storm will not be taking the world by, ahem, storm anytime soon.

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