CAF Fusion Java Jolt Energy Coffee Review

Java Jolt is the first of several CAF Fusion energy coffees my hometown Job Lots were selling, eight ounces with one of the most generic cans in a while. There is everything wrong with energy drinks that you usually found on bargain drinks of years past: you have crackling lightning bolts, around four separate fonts, a confusing layout and, to top it all off, a horrible name. It makes sense when you think hard about it, but its silly inconsistent capitalization of letters and a cumbersome pronunciation makes this one drink from the energy beverage stone age.

A hard shake of the can causing an underwhelming explosion that floods the top rim. Each sip crashes onto the tongue with a body as thin as water, and as thin as I wish I was. It is stained of burnt coffee with slight cocoa nuance, the eight ounce's only glimpse of flavor soon drowned out by the melancholic mouthfeel of skimmed moo-juice. Non-dairy creamer is the third ingredient and shamefully so, with the only milk coming from the nonfat, dry variety, the two masterminds behind the aqueous experience. Eighteen grams of sugar do sweeten things pleasantly, however, but a decent saccharinity is not what the 237 milliliters need. Every imbibe leaves your palate pining for a more tenacious texture and weight, and more substantial impersonation of the bean brew.

Each can contains: four and a half grams of fat, 150 calories, some taurine, a pinch of ginseng, a dash of guarana, and 135 milligrams of caffeine. The buzz is easily the best thing about this, lasting two solid hours without a subsequent crash. Everything considered, CAF Fusion Java Jolt is less than the inadequate sum of its parts, only worse than that.

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