Why the Zoa brand, after numerous varieties in the standard sixteen ounce size, decided to opt for the smaller twelve ounces this time around baffles me; how can I not feel like I am getting the short end of the deal? Maybe they sell two sizes for different people, but that does not change the fact that this was the only one I found. Its design remains decent to look at, a strong sense of personality breaking through all the usual energy drink fluff.
The funk of spoiled vegetation fills the air as soon as you crack open the can, the kind of odor I thought energy drinks stopped producing decades ago. Sips do not fare all that much better, a dense dance of deadened taste that smack the palate with earthy overtones and zero sense of nuance. Grape, guava, apple, cherry and passion fruit make up the busy profile, but just because there is a lot going on does not mean it is balanced, or any fun on the tongue. The individual fruits are static caricatures who crash down linearly until it is time for your next imbibe; they offer no personality outside their stock obligations, instead stitched together into a single monster flavor with an unvaried sweetness and sourness. But it is the effervescence that bothers me the most, a harsh explosion of bubbles that almost hurts as it goes down the hatch, never encouraging you to continue through the remaining ounces.
120 milligrams of caffeine makes for an OK kick, lasting two hours. Other ingredients include numerous vitamins but let us be honest, you are not here to know how much riboflavin this has, and I am not "The Vitamin King." Anyway, Zoa Fruit Punch punches above its weight class and gets knocked out in the first round.
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