Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Your Drink Sucks - 2024

Look, I want to be a nice person, I want to find a positive in everything reviewed here on The Caffeine King, but boy do some caffeinated products really test my limits. And so if in the year 2024, if you sucked, then welcome, you will forever be immortalized here. Congrats, losers.

*these are not necessarily products that were released in 2024, but rather those that were reviewed here in 2024.*


Starbucks Tripleshot Bold Mocha

Starbucks should be the king of canned coffees, so how do they stumble so hard? Why do their drinks not taste like coffee? What is your deal, man?










Dunkin' Coffee Cake Muffin Iced Coffee

If the higher-end Starbucks makes an appearance here, then it only makes sense that its cheaper (and trashier) brick and mortar competition do as well. Jeez, if actual coffee shops cannot make a canned coffee, then what hope do others?






My Hero Academia Plus Ultra

This licensed crap is what happens when your energy drink has all the flavor of caffeinated corn syrup. High fructose corn syrup if you really care, but I do not. About any of it.







Red Bull The Amber Edition Strawberry Apricot Sugar Free

It is a shame about Red Bull here; their products usually impress, either for their actual creative flavor or attempts at creativity. Not this time.









Madrinas Cold Brew Cafe Mocha Coffee

Found rotting on the discount shelf of Walmart should have been my first clue: this coffee tastes like like it was made by aliens from outer space.









Mtn Dew Zero Sugar VooDrew 2024

This just sucks.. Sucks, sucks, sucks, and you know what, one more "sucks" for good measure.




There is a reason this is based on a fruit that does not exist, and that is because mother nature wanted nothing to do with them. Neither do I.



Alani Nu Winter Wonderland

During the holidays, energy drinks should be on their best behavior like the rest of us. Alani Nu here is instead clunky and clumsy.




Yerbaé Pumpkin Spice

The can is cool and the kick is alright, but a canned pumpkin spice carbonated tea? Please tell me this was something they accidentally released, released just so it could officially be the worst of the year.






Celsius Astro Vibe

Oh wait, this is the worst of the year- at least Yerbaé Pumpkin Spice had ambition. Celsius here just plain sucks.

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