The front of the can proudly boasts how this was made without the use of artificial sweeteners, staying instead with a few grams of cane sugar and stevia leaf extract. A gentle pull of the top tab and out pours a dull green elixir out from the predominately red metal transport. My nose is flooded with the scent of apples and, much to my pleasant surprise, a bit of cakey warmness. This had my spirits running high, until I took a sip. My god what in hell is this. What begins as any regular apple energy drink swiftly devolves into a cacophonic cup of complete crap. The familiar fall favorite is held for a single, solitary moment before losing out to the "natural flavors" doing their worst pastry impersonation. It is not yeasty but instead chemically leavened, and let me tell you this tastes like chemicals. A donut flavored caffeinated cocktail is strange enough, but Unwell goes several steps further in the absolute wrong, unexpected and boneheaded direction. Somehow, sips achieve the impossible by removing the moisture from your tongue as if sipping liquid crumbs. Your mouth thusly dehydrates, only to be immediately rehydrated by the same flavors that turned your face into a twisted mess of muscles sore from their twelve ounce beating. Gulps climax with an apple reprieve that gives way to more sweetness and a shockingly ugly maillard reaction impression that leaves your gag reflex no choice but to be on standby.
All that rotten fluid now sitting in my tummy and for what, just 150 milligrams of caffeine? Oh sure yeah, vitamins also make an appearance, but you want to know what also has vitamins? Actual apples. Overall, I admire Unwell Apple Cider Donut's ambition, but lament its naivety in thinking it could actually achieve it.
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