Saturday, January 2, 2021

Rockstar Pure Zero Blue Ice Energy Drink Review

The barbed look to this recent Rockstar extension is distracting. Resembling a Zebra who fell into a bucket of paint, the logo fights for eyes by sharing the same baby blue color as that stupid star, and the "Pure Zero" text is so unrecognizable against the black and white that it is lucky I am not calling this the "Rockstar Blue Ice" review. "Blue Ice" of course, being more text to search like an idiot across the can's real estate.

A crack of the can unleashes the ugly cologne of the archaic Zero Carb and the dismal Xdurance varieties, and our first sip confirms its blind nostalgia. Your tongue initially dismisses it as just another azygous "berry" beverage, but there is more than that: a labyrinthine experience of dense raspberry and abridged blackberry, with saccharine grape and discount apple suggestions. A glaring dearth of flair and balance has gulps drinking madly maladroitly. Artificial sugars preform with some restraint but still stain sips with its synthetic persuasion, most audibly with its aftertaste. The silver lining is its sourness, which adequately distracts from the impassive sweetness and somewhat shrouds its unnaturalness. It is a caliginous encounter of chemicals and pointlessness, a contemptuous adventure without verisimilitude that plunges straight into absurdity and ignorance and never looks elsewhere.

Each can contains: taurine, inositol, B vitamins, and 240 milligrams of caffeine. This buzz is certainly the highlight here, lasting almost four hours. To end, if you are looking for a decent energy drink, and the person at the convenience store recommends this trash, remember: there is a reason they work at a convenience store. If you discount my admonitory and pick up this drink, take a sip and it puts a smile on your face, then you likely work at said convenience store.

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