Slate Espresso Chocolate Milk Energy Coffee Review

Slate is an oddball beverage, with its label attached to the twelve ounce aluminum can like a sticker. It is lactose free, but the biggest curiosity is how it is marketed as an "espresso chocolate milk," opposed to a more commercial mocha coffee. These quirks are what gives it its personality, something notable to help it stand out in my shelf of energy products to review; I call it "the graveyard;" every time I pondered the next review, this unique release always was in the back of my mind once I chose something else.

I opened the can and took a sip, and there are moments which are good but far more which are disappointing. The coffee resembles less a cup of joe and more like someone who just woke up with coffee breath, a major breach in promise from a package that proudly proclaims espresso. It has the essence of the bean brew but none of its loud flavor, lacking any bitterness or roasted goodness. Other aspects are handled with a bit more flair fortunately. The cacao moo juice, the other half of the advertised flavor, benefits from the sweetness, although a darker chocolate, something with a flavor other than sugar, would have helped rescue this overwhelmingly basic experience. Things could use a gram or two more of fat; currently clocking in at half a gram, the mouthfeel feels skimmed of the lovingly lardaceousness such an underbaked experience required as a backbone. But it falls apart the more you imbibe, and by the time the can is practically weightless and depleted of its contents, you struggle to remember anything about it, positive or negative.

For energy, we just get caffeine, and sometimes that is just all you need. 150 milligrams proves capable of a two and a half hour kick, and there is no crash, which is more than a plus. Overall, Slate's innovative premise crumbles once you crack open a can and discover the experience resembles Autocrat coffee syrup mixed with prepackaged chocolate milk more than anything.

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