Dunkin' Brownie Batter Donut Iced Coffee Review

We close out our coverage of Dunkin's RTD iced coffees, saving probably the least exciting one for last. Why's that? Donuts and brownies are awesome, but I am willing to bet my weight in cocoa powder that this will just be mocha. The packaging features the iconic branding but sports a dismal color scheme, saying twice the flavor. And that is before I even mention how frustrating it is that it is all undercase.

With six grams of fat, four of which is saturated, you would expect everything from your first to your last sip to be so rich that you could afford to buy better coffee, but alas, the mouthfeel is weightless and thin, my tongue and teeth offered little in the way of resistance. There is no brownie whatsoever, only an indiscriminate chocolate taste that resembles dollar store Halloween candy more so than anything any baker would bake in their bakery. A good brownie, or at least whatever I end up making when I don my apron, is a dense cake that boarders on fudge, some coffee added to balance out the strong sweetness and to provide some background noise to the otherwise simplistic cocoa. Here, this is any ol' canned mocha coffee, which is to say me and my indeterminate amount of cocoa powder are safe.

The best thing about this is the 142 milligrams of caffeine. By not being an energy coffee, the buzz does not need to go above any beyond what your parents brew in the morning with their vintage drip maker and pre-ground beans. On the whole, Dunkin' Brownie Batter Donut is arguably worse than day-old doughnuts.

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Starbucks Frappuccino Lite Double Chocolate Gelato Review

Finally, a ready-to-drink coffee that will not have you rushing out to buy pants the next size up. This Starbucks' Frappuccino here has just 100 calories, and the baby blue signaling its diet distinction works well against the brown of both the coffee and the label. But what kind of flavor is "double chocolate gelato?" Was "single chocolate" just not enough?

A gentle twist of the metal lid and off it comes, exposes a large cavity filled with little bubbles from the good ol' shake I gave it. The flavor is both under and overwhelming, and never quite in a good way- the three and a half grams of fat immediately clings to your tongue, refusing to leave and staining your entire palate with a mix of cheap chocolate and diet sweetener. We have nine grams of sugar, none of which is added, but the experience is so sodden with the synthetic sugar sucralose that it becomes about all you can taste. The rare moment your poor mouth is able to notice something other than artificial honey, it ends up being a most unsatisfying mocha. Missing is the robust oomph my body pined for, instead it is slightly chalky and one-dimensional. The only thing worthy of any positives is the dairy goodness, a mix of reduced-fat milk, skim milk and cream who's velvety texture truly feels good to drink as you knock back sips. You may have noticed I have not mentioned that delicious bean brew yet; that is because none of the nine and a half ounces ever taste like it. Silly me for expecting coffee in my chilled coffee drink.

I wish I did not have to check the interwebs, but the heavy glass jar here does not mention how much caffeine is inside. Considering the quantity is just forty milligrams, I suppose I am not surprised they were too ashamed.

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Starbucks Chocolate Cream Cold Brew Premium Coffee Drink Review

Unlike much of the company's canned caffeinated coffee cocktails, Starbucks Chocolate Cream Cold Brew does not explicitly call itself an "energy beverage," which is fine by me. Who needs the formulators being distracted by having to do anything but make a good RTD java? The can certainly is proud of its grounds steeping method, with the text "Cold Brew" appearing far larger than even the brand-name itself! But it is busy, with funky visuals and its alleged flavor written twice!

Somehow, with three grams of fat, half of which is saturated, the texture here is thinner than distilled water. Mouthfuls crash onto the palate with zero weight, perhaps having to do with skim milk appearing second (cream clocking in lower at number four) on the ingredient list, and you swish the cinnamon colored concoction around your mouth, hoping that some lardy goodness with cling to the walls of your tongue. But alas, that does not happen, instead washing away in a most unsatisfying climax, one filled only with the diluted nuance of something that once was a coffee, but is far past its prime. As for the bean brew, you get a hint of that lusted bitterness beneath a sweetness that only knows how to be sweet. There is no depth to any sip, especially the purported "chocolate cream," which has about as much cacao civility as Yoo-hoo. Still, I did deplete the contents of the can in what felt like record time, with only a drop or two left mere moments after cracking it open; suppose that is something.

Being very much not an energy coffee, the buzz here is not unlike your morning mugful from your favorite drip-brewer; it is about the only wholly satisfactory element here, actually.

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Slate Espresso Chocolate Milk Energy Coffee Review

Slate is an oddball beverage, with its label attached to the twelve ounce aluminum can like a sticker. It is lactose free, but the biggest curiosity is how it is marketed as an "espresso chocolate milk," opposed to a more commercial mocha coffee. These quirks are what gives it its personality, something notable to help it stand out in my shelf of energy products to review; I call it "the graveyard;" every time I pondered the next review, this unique release always was in the back of my mind once I chose something else.

I opened the can and took a sip, and there are moments which are good but far more which are disappointing. The coffee resembles less a cup of joe and more like someone who just woke up with coffee breath, a major breach in promise from a package that proudly proclaims espresso. It has the essence of the bean brew but none of its loud flavor, lacking any bitterness or roasted goodness. Other aspects are handled with a bit more flair fortunately. The cacao moo juice, the other half of the advertised flavor, benefits from the sweetness, although a darker chocolate, something with a flavor other than sugar, would have helped rescue this overwhelmingly basic experience. Things could use a gram or two more of fat; currently clocking in at half a gram, the mouthfeel feels skimmed of the lovingly lardaceousness such an underbaked experience required as a backbone. But it falls apart the more you imbibe, and by the time the can is practically weightless and depleted of its contents, you struggle to remember anything about it, positive or negative.

For energy, we just get caffeine, and sometimes that is just all you need. 150 milligrams proves capable of a two and a half hour kick, and there is no crash, which is more than a plus. Overall, Slate's innovative premise crumbles once you crack open a can and discover the experience resembles Autocrat coffee syrup mixed with prepackaged chocolate milk more than anything.

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Starbucks Tripleshot Milk Chocolate Zero Sugar Energy Coffee Review

I do love it when a big company gets a bit more comfortable with their brands and release something creative. Today's example is Starbucks' Tripleshot Milk Chocolate Zero Sugar, which has all the fat but none of the, well, sugar. We have had reduced calorie energy coffees on The Caffeine King before, but none from a brand quite so ubiquitous as Starbucks, who's logos and design language is front-and-center on this otherwise busy can.

How this is "milk chocolate" and not "mocha" is beyond my palate's comprehension, because what we have here is the same old flavor so many tongues have tested. That on its own is not a bad thing, mind you, but milk chocolate is characterized by its sweetness, something achieved here via the synthetic sugar sucralose and inositol (a sugar alcohol). This leaves the experience with a sort of chemical bitterness, astringency absolutely unlike that of an actual coffee. The cocoa ends up without a pleasant candied mouthfeel, which is only further destroyed by the use of ghee butter, oils and gums, a texture so chalky you feel you might burp up dust. And just when you thought you were almost done here, you pick up the aluminum transport, only to realize you have over half a can left. Please, someone send help!

225 milligrams of caffeine makes for a good kick, a three hour long one that I am not totally convinced is worth suffering through for. Overall, Starbucks Tripleshot Milk Chocolate Zero Sugar trips hard over its own ambition.

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Tazzy Caffeine! Dark Chocolate Mocha Hard Candy Review

Tazzy's caffeinated dark chocolate mocha hard candies have way, and I mean, way too much going on. Not the looks, I appreciate its hipster appearance, but golly why did they take the "everything but the kitchen sink" approach? It is also sugar free, an oxymoron of sorts considering this is a candy, but I am too tired.

The quarter sized pucks are a dull brown and individually wrapped, rounded edges and generally look like board game pieces than anything its busy packaging purports. Tearing the small pouch and popping one in my mouth, my tongue immediately notices the involvement of isomalt thanks to its glassy texture. It hardly melts to your tongue's warmth, so you taste little by little of chocolate, followed by a slight bitterness and finally an astringent aftertaste that lingers a bit too long. One the disk cracks and shards toss across the palate, they crumble quickly with only a mild force of the jaw, but the same holds true: you can taste the coffee only because of the acrid overtones. It is not bad necessarily, but there are ten pieces here and I could not imagine stomaching them all in any sort of succession.

There is about twenty five milligrams of caffeine per candy, and after two myself, the buzz is about as good as that amount implies. Overall, Tazzy Caffeine! Dark Chocolate Mocha Hard Candy is better and worse than anticipated.

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Hostess Boost Jumbo Donettes Chocolate Mocha Caffeinated Donut Review

Now we are talking! A chocolate donut, one of my favorite flavors, becomes even more tantalizing when it is caffeinated. Hostess' previous product, their Caramel Macchiato pastry, did a lot right considering the creation's kookiness. Its appearance remains a bit vague with its potency, but hey, sometimes you gotta read for the reward.

The black round pulls apart with minimal effort, and when your sticky fingers lift it to your mouth, it yields to your chomping jaw and eager tastebuds. The flavor is, well, chocolate, the mocha the packaging promises is a complete lie and missed opportunity. I do not care though, because bite after bite, this is a donut, and that is all you really could ever want. The sugary glaze the sweetmeat is dipped in adds a touch of brief textural dissonance, a touch of crunch that soon too dissolves into a pool of saccharine symphony. If I had to argue anything against Hostess' second coffee adaptation, it would be its slight dryness once your teeth sink in. Once it becomes a disintegrated pulp, the mash hydrates into pool of confection perfection, so, I dunno. I liked it. What else can I say?

There is only fifty to seventy milligrams of caffeine, a small amount but whatever, I would take a weak hour-long kick over a bitter taste. In the end, Hostess Boost Jumbo Donettes Chocolate Mocha is a caffeinated donut. Now we just need that caffeinated Twinkie.

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Forto Energy Coffee Chocolate Latte Review

Discounted to just a buck fifty at my local megamart, which honestly is not much of a deal, Forto Chocolate Latte looks largely unremarkable. Oh sure, it looks consonant to previous variations of the brand, and it is easy to read, but the whole action of needing to remove that large plastic top, peel back a metal seal then reapply the brown cap is busy work and, well you know, just dumb.

The flavor is fatty, chocolaty, sweet, and well, tastes nothing like coffee despite the first ingredient being the bean brew! It is actually from cold brew, causing a superb lack of acidity, with imbibes melting from their gelid lardaceousness, spreading across your entire palate and painting an experience that glorifies warming depth to the cacao. There are plenty of moments that inspire the drinker to take another sip, and that is fine, but Forto Chocolate Latte is yet another glorified chocolate milkshake that just happens to contain caffeine.

But it is not just some caffeine, it is 200 milligrams, and the kick is splendid! Lasting about three hours, the buzz is without a doubt the most consistent thing here. Overall, Forto Chocolate Latte is a rocky road of a potable, and just as sweet as, well, rocky road.

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Awake Caffeinated Dark Chocolate Review

It is back! Awake Caffeinated Chocolate that is, with a dark chocolate variety; now all that is missing is a white version. The packaging this time is a small, bite-sized version containing half the caffeine as its larger brothers, but the appeal remains. Though, I must confess, the design does not do a terrific job delineating the potency here.

The smell is desirable, something you wish your shampoo smelled like so you could walk around all day, perfumed of the lovely odors of the deeply roasted cacao. Your first bite is a solid one, cracking with the force needed to brake the most quality of chocolates, before the slight sweetness and heavenly fattiness melt into a luxury liquor of a broodingly dark sea of pleasure. The texture throughout is the best feature here, from your first snap of the petite piece to the mouthfeel of muted depth, complete with lingering mentions of coffee and vanilla. Those fearing the fifty milligrams of caffeine contained within the brown walls of the block, in addition to being 54% cacao, would result in a bitter disaster can rest easy- this is truly a wonderful little moment and a deserving expansion of the brand.

Well you get fifty milligrams of caffeine and that is it, but that is all you truly need. The buzz though is the weakest element of the product, lasting about an hour per bite, but with their commercial eatability, you could easily pop two or three with minimal effort and maximum satisfaction.

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Forto Hershey's Chocolate Latte Coffee Shot Review

Forto returns in its original shot form, after first appearing on the award-winning Caffeine King site as a full blown beverage. The design remains about the same, not at all suffering from the reduced real estate, although its curious to see such a family brand like Hershey's on a caffeinated potable intended only for adults. I suppose cocktails are next.

The flavor is surprisingly potent, not in the bitter way some energy shots are, but how the explosion of dairy delight and the luxurious chocolate taste paints your palate with palatable strength. There is far from a focus on the namesake coffee, but that is OK here; what we sip is designed strictly to mask all 100 milligrams of caffeine, and it is a job well done. Oh sure, there is some astringency, but it is far from the worst any caffeine junkie has suffered through, hell, I have had full sized energy drinks with a more obnoxious harshness. It is an ever so slight acerbity, quickly dying to the continuing tide of chocolatey fattiness that each imbibe exploits. Overall, it is a good little energy shot, arguably one of the better bite-sized beverages you can buy.

I appreciate Forto's approach to energy- just caffeine. Oh sure, there are a lot of folks who swear by all the other minerals and chemicals companies pump into their consumables, but purists know that it is the well-worn caffeine that does the heavy hitting. And here, the kick is a solid one, lasting an hour and a half without a crash.

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Awake Caffeinated Chocolate Peanut Butter Review

Awake... it has been a long time since we shared an experience together. We saw each other last in 2013, and I am glad to hear you have become friends with peanut butter as well! The premier solid and caffeinated chocolate brand, Awake's newest flavor is exciting, and its packaging remains as pleasant as ever, though I am not going to lie, I did not see the flavor indication until I studied the wrapper for a moment or two.

Supple milk chocolate surrenders to the warmth of your palate, crafting a rich and creamy mixture as you subtly chew the few remaining chunks of cocoa. As your teeth bite into the fragile walls of chocolate, the hollow center bursts with the nutty stuffing, striking the right balance not only of sweetness and saltiness, but also of shell and filling. One knock against the experience is the use of hydrogenated oil, in this case of the palm kernel type, something that I try to remove from my diet. But as the packet lies torn apart, and both pieces having abandoned their shape and melting into a luxurious cocktail of toothsome chocolate and roasted peanut butter, I can see why a bit of naughty oil was used; the texture is phenomenal.

Potency-wise, Awake understands that caffeine is often all we need, and we have 100 milligrams here. The buzz is pretty solid, lasting two hours, and although I cannot help but wish for a few more milligrams, the flavor's complete lack of bitterness is excuse enough for me.

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Java Monster Swiss Chocolate Energy Coffee Review

It has been five years since a real Java Monster has been featured on the Caffeine King; oh sure, we have had their Cafe and Espresso varieties, but the last true beverage carrying the "Java" name was Kona Cappuccino. The can today is competent but unspectacular, I mean of course it hits the nail in the head about being Swiss, but it did not need to bludgeoned the poor piece of metal.

The flavor is a bit of a misfire, lacking the robust chocolate taste expected from a drink who's can calls out how the Swiss are known for theirs. It is more along the lines of Hersey's syrup than something you would pickup at the duty-free shop. But that is not the biggest disappointment here, there is not one ounce of coffee goodness in the fifteen contained by the aluminum walls, not a drop of morning joe nourishment. The fattiness is something I very much appreciate, over four grams a can brings a lovely lardaciousness to every imbibe. There is a rich, creamy texture from the condensed skim milk and the heavy cream atop of the ingredients list, a characteristic that keeps the experience floating above the recent coffee drink SlimFast Mocha Macchiato.

Each can contains a cool 188 milligrams of caffeine, as well as vitamin C, B vitamins, taurine, and inositol. There is usually ginseng in these cocktails as well, but the only root found here is followed by the text "flavor," which is honestly not something I wanted to taste in my Swiss chocolate energy coffee.

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Snap Infusion Supercandy Caramel Review

Does this qualify as an energy product? It claims to "energize," but if anything caffeine free in the past has taught us it is that packaging will say anything to move from shelves. The albino sachet is even enervated, with no sense of momentum or, dare I say, energy. Its is wordy with nothing to say, and still comes off confusing.

The creators must have been "cuckoo for Coco Puffs," as that is what these chewy candies taste most like. Real chocolate? It is present, but lost in the caramel and coffee nuance, of these dozen or so subfuscous centered confectionary pimples of molten sugar and vitamins. The calm warmth of your mouth soon intenerates the gooey treat as it sticks to your teeth, a dessert pool of surprisingly tasty treats that ends too soon. Take note companies, one ounce is not enough for candy.

There are plenty of vitamins here, with electrolytes and antioxidants, but no caffeine. Thusly the "energize" moniker on the pouch is crap. Any energy you ask? Well, no, not really, but it should hold my sweet tooth over until snack time. Believe me, these do not taste bad, but that does not matter. A pleasant taste does not make up for its enigmatic purpose.

energems Peanut Butter Energy Chocolate Review

The energems chocolaty trilogy ends with this peanut butter variety, arguably the flavor most looked forward to. Unappetizing illustrations and vulgar orange obsession, the box should be hid from the eye and kept on the palm, where the dual glossy and matte texture is satisfactory, and tiny enough to fit in even the smallest shirt pocket.

Nine giant disks topple out, dull and cracked with none of the regalness the container has. The fragile candy coating shatters as the chocolate center melts into a gooey pool never resembling peanut butter. The most the tasty cocoa candy ever gets to Reese's is with a vague nuttiness, indistinct and disappointing. Every morsel decidedly lacks any peanut butteriness, although it is otherwise a pretty darn good energy chocolate.

All nine energems contains: caffeine (225 mg), taurine, B vitamins, and l-theanine. I am not gonna lie; the entire box was scoffed down as one mouthful, and the buzz lasted an admiral three and a half hours. energems Peanut Butter disappoints, satisfying on every front but packs zero "wow" factor.

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energems Mint Energy Chocolate Review

The matte green is not for the better, overwhelming eyes with pastel grossness. The product's self illustration does not make your mouth water, despite that its promise of mint and chocolate is principally attractive.

Half-dollar sized gems tumble out of the cardboard. Crunching in breaths fresh mint taste to the vaguely creaming chocolate center, never quite silky with a thousand candy coating shards swimming inside. The carton is resealable but you will never require such a luxury; a run-of-the-mill sweetmeat translates to a terrific bitterless energy candy.

Three pieces has seventy five milligrams of caffeine, providing a three hour long buzz when you inevitably consume the entire pack. Each serving contains taurine and B vitamins additionally. On the whole, energems Mint runs a few miles ahead of its decent pure chocolate sibling.

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energems Chocolate Energy Candy Review

Smaller than your standard pack of cigarettes and maybe a pinch heavier, the box to energems Chocolate throws a lot of information your way while remaining easy to read. The grey text pops off of the black with ease and style, and the red belts provide great contrast. Its name "energems" is clever, but takes a few tries to nail the pronunciation.

Roughly consonant to the size on the box, these dull gems sport a few blemishes and are more hexagonal than perfectly round. The flavor is sweet, bitter only briefly with the pungent chocolate potency of Bosco Syrup straight. The shell crunches breezily, shards melting into the energized center, probably adding more sugar to the taste. Three candies is a serving, with seventy five milligrams of caffeine, and although the flavor is no gourmet chocolate, the nine or so a box is far from a challenge.

Each three candies also contains: taurine, B vitamins, L-theanine, among others. The buzz from a trilogy of gems is dissatisfying, lasting south of an hour, but an entire box fares better; lasting just under three. All in all, energems Chocolate is a neat little energy candy that is always good but never great.

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Muscle Monster Chocolate Energy Shake Review

Visually not dissimilar to the coffee flavor favorably reviewed last month, this is the third and final Muscle Monster. Chocolate is a logical choice but leaves the aforementioned feeling a pinch out of place, unless these were all coffee flavored, I cannot help but feel strawberry would have made more sense. But regardless, this is a point that should have came up during its review.

Nearly a paste, this stiff substance pours out of the can at a pace that would made snails roll their eyes. It has an expectingly delicious creaminess and is sweet with reason, a firm solution that is never cloying. It does become almost too rich, but in the way only the best milk shakes do. In case you almost forgot, this time around the flavor is chocolate, but it is disappointingly shoal without the depth it should have. It ends up acting sorta as the middle ground between the former Vanilla and Coffee versions, tasting like a diluted hybrid of the two. My least favorite of the Muscle Monsters for sure, but I would not be surprised to find myself buying another can sometime.

Each can contains: caffeine (152 milligrams), ginseng, taurine, inositol, guarana, and B vitamins. The kick lasts a decent two or so hours, but the flavor and its confection quality makes this a hard sell at the gym, and in general.

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Cracker Jack'D Power Bites Vanilla Mocha Review

After many weeks of searching, Cracker Jack'D Power Bites Vanilla Mocha was finally found, at a local Wal Mart near the self-checkout. Its black packaging is an arrant contrast to the caramel popcorn we all know and love, forfeiting their trademark altogether for a what is essentially bits of the Kit Kat bar, albeit caffeinated.

A tear of the bag reveals a decent selection of poorly shaped confections, rough and dirty with battle wounds from a bag obviously with little cushion. The coating is waxy and explains why the packaging never said "real chocolate;" this is compound chocolate at its worst. It melts almost at the heat of your breath, an unpleasant texture and tastes only vaguely of something never to skimp out on. Inside are wafers, mushy cookies sodden in all the palm kernel fats of its mockolate covering. There is at least real vanilla here, however its nuance and subtly are disabled by the stratospheric sweetness and the burnt taste of two tablespoon's worth of roasted coffee grounds. If this sounds like a good time, then wait a day or two, I am sure it will be in clearance by then.

*"Contains 2 Tbsp. of ground coffee per package, the amount used to brew a typical 8 oz. cup of coffee"
There, that is the entire ingredient cocktail here to give ya energy. Oh sure, there is 44% of your daily allowance of saturated fat, 290 calories and twenty grams of sugar, but "food" energy is not what we are usually looking for here. To end, this is where I frequently state my opinion on the product reviewed, but this time, the former paragraphs speak loudly for themselves. Do you hear 'em? They are practically screaming!

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LiveWire Mint Chocolate Energy Chew Review

Unexpected considering the line's focus on fruity tastes, this mint chocolate variety comes as pair taped together, with far less text on its reverse side than the previous produce flavors. That is both a complement or complaint, considering all the words were unstimulating, but now you have just so little information this time around.

The chew chews with little persuasion, mildly resembling chocolate but with a much stronger emphasis on mint. They are complementing tastes but far from a balanced pairing, simple experiences that fortunately guise the other's elementary attempt. The texture is less grainy than some but still not as buttery as wanted, a candy very sweet but never overly so. Overall, LiveWire have produced better varieties, but not too many.

The caffeine content is the same as the plain chocolate one, 200 milligrams of caffeine with two chews. The kick lasts an awesome four hours and hit me swiftly, but there was something of a crash after. All in all, LiveWire Mint Chocolate Energy Chews are a large improvement over the mintless variety.

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LiveWire Chocolate Energy Chew Review

No plastic casing like the others, this chocolate variety of LiveWire tells even less outside its cardboard container at the store. But auspiciously there is ten milligrams more caffeine, 100 per chew, and with the quondam flavors veiling its bitterness well, we should be in for a treat.

The chew tears with ease at the teeth, however the sandy yet waxy texture is far from satisfying. It is actually reminiscent of Tootsie-Rolls in the mouth, however it is the flavor that truly suffers; never bitter but not quite a pleasant affair. The chocolate taste is artificial, burnt and not as robust as expected, lacking enough sweetness and the necessary lardaceousness. Even with only two candies a pack, you tongue knows the bland simplicity is far from ideal. Overall, with the former Buzz Bites Chocolate Chew flavor also floundering, we can conclude that the flavor just does not translate providentially into a candy.

The caffeine provides a nice buzz, however since the sticker on the unseen backside in the photo asks you to refer to the box for more information, we are just going with each two-pack having 200 milligrams of caffeine. On the whole, LiveWire Chocolate Energy Chew is the ugly, redheaded stepchild of the line (let us just hope the Mint Chocolate flavor is not a twin).

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