Dunkin' Brownie Batter Donut Iced Coffee Review

We close out our coverage of Dunkin's RTD iced coffees, saving probably the least exciting one for last. Why's that? Donuts and brownies are awesome, but I am willing to bet my weight in cocoa powder that this will just be mocha. The packaging features the iconic branding but sports a dismal color scheme, saying twice the flavor. And that is before I even mention how frustrating it is that it is all undercase.

With six grams of fat, four of which is saturated, you would expect everything from your first to your last sip to be so rich that you could afford to buy better coffee, but alas, the mouthfeel is weightless and thin, my tongue and teeth offered little in the way of resistance. There is no brownie whatsoever, only an indiscriminate chocolate taste that resembles dollar store Halloween candy more so than anything any baker would bake in their bakery. A good brownie, or at least whatever I end up making when I don my apron, is a dense cake that boarders on fudge, some coffee added to balance out the strong sweetness and to provide some background noise to the otherwise simplistic cocoa. Here, this is any ol' canned mocha coffee, which is to say me and my indeterminate amount of cocoa powder are safe.

The best thing about this is the 142 milligrams of caffeine. By not being an energy coffee, the buzz does not need to go above any beyond what your parents brew in the morning with their vintage drip maker and pre-ground beans. On the whole, Dunkin' Brownie Batter Donut is arguably worse than day-old doughnuts.

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Buzz Brownzzz Energy Brownie Review

Packaged in a large muffin-like wrapper, Buzz Brownzzz is easily crushed, so the actual sweet does not get many "brownie" points for appearance (see what I did there?). The label however is even worse, nothing but a plain yellow box with boring black text. Surely they could have done something more original, considering the product itself is considerably creative.

The brownie chews softly, melting into a moist mouthful that tastes strongly of fake chocolate. That is not a bad thing however, as there is not as much bitterness present as expected, hardly noticeable next to a mild plastic aftertaste that plagues any pre-packaged bakery good. The pastry is fudgey as you nibble away towards its center, each bite itself never cloyingly sweet but the confection as a whole is quite sugary. It is far better than the only other caffeinated brownie had, UpCakes, but we really do not need such a large piece, as its saccharine simplicity grows a bit stale.

Caffeine, taurine, ginseng, and guarana make up the buzz to this brownie, a three hour kick that impresses mildly. All in all, Buzz Brownzzz were not baked by an amateur, but it certainly was not Martha Stewart.

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UpCake Energy Brownie Review

Though I get many products sent to me, this caffeinated treat cost me $3.49, which is rather expensive even with all its novelty. But the UpCake Energy Brownie shows signs of problem almost immediately with its name. Yes, it's a clever pun on "cupcake," but any baker will tell you cakes and brownies are not as closely related as the packaging seems to think. They are very much similar, and you'd be correct to hail brownies as denser versions of the other, but the general consensus is that they're not the same, and that makes the packaging confusing. The label is decent, though, with it thriving wildly within the confines of its gimmick, and the actual idea is sort neat, with it combining consumer's daily sweet treat and coffee into one convenient product.

The gritty texture of this dry confection is much like those terrible over cooked, cake-like brownies that someone who can't bake baked. They crumble with no satisfaction in the mouth, and there are coarse crumbs left behind on whatever you eat it off of. The flavour is poorly based on the more complex work of chocolate, and here it is cheap and bitter to the tongue. The mordant presence of sugar should at least alleviate some of the latter, but it's an inadequate sweetness that doesn't care if anything in the experience works. Each bite is grainy and bland, and the raw cocoa powder aftertaste is rather mild but ever unpleasant, and this isn't even censored by the cloying sugariness. The brown pastry traditionally requires some type of fat, but the hydrogenated oils utilized do not give the confiture the desired buttery consistency, either in taste or mouthfeel, and while cake-like brownies would not have a fudgy viscosity, there should at least be a lardaceous and dense flavor profile. Nothing works together here, everything operates separately, and overall, UpCake Energy Brownies wouldn't be so bad if my expectations of caffeinated desserts hadn't been set so high by products like Mocca Mallows.

300 milligrams of caffeine does the kicking around here, and unlike everything else, it does its job well. It lasted a cool five hours, complete with mild jitters and a slight crash. Overall, UpCake Energy Brownies are a clumsily executed disappointment.