What kind of flavor is "Wild Orchard?" The can does not explain it, so what is the average consumer supposed to do? Pull out their smart-device and look it up? You had better be confident that you are a good product, or maybe you are just naive. The can, anyway, is shrink-wrapped so it feels cheap to the palm, but its design is rather clean, with its logo simple and bold.
The scent is disgusting, like dollar store perfume sparkling out to your wincing nose. But your first sip does not fare a whole lot better. How bad? Let us just say I checked the expiration date I was so confident that this had spoiled. It had not, in fact, we have over a whole year before the "best before date." Your tongue immediately leaps almost straight out of your mouth as the liquid crashes down like acid rain. I sipped and sipped but struggled figuring out what in the hell this resembled, but with an excruciating sixteen ounces to stomach, all my palate could detect was a most disturbing floral taste, like rose water gone rogue. The website claims pear and grape are involved, but there is no way, absolutely no way that can be true. Sucralose and ace-k do the sweetening but clearing are on vacation and forgot to take me along, as mouthfuls are medicinal and rotten, lacking any sort of sugariness that could have helped this come even remotely close to what humans drink. This is what aliens drink.
I feel like every energy drink today is "potent," with so many now containing so much caffeine that my body has become deaden to the effects. Sure, we have 300 milligrams of the stimulant, and yeah, it satisfied my chemical addiction, but so what? Other ingredients include vitamins, taurine, ginseng, amino acids, stuff like that. Overall, Bucked Up Wild Orchard looks and kicks OK, but the flavor is so bad, sooooo bad that I wish I could invent new words to describe just how truly, utterly, amazingly awful it is. My tongue will never recover, and if there ever was a potent potable that could make someone retire, this would be it.
No comments:
Post a Comment