"Huh, what was that- yeah, not since 2008 I know. I mean, thanks, you look good too."
Well, except for the fact that the label is shrink-wrapped on, and that the can clearly is frightened by the implications of calling itself an actual "energy drink." We have a sixteen ounce slab of metal here and 160 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine, but the closest this thing ever gets to being true to itself is "soda + caffeine." Hm, like, oh I dunno, an energy drink?
I have not had a good cola here in a long time, not since probably Jolt Cola's return back in 2019. And Jones here certainly smells the part, as if I had pressed the "dispense" button on my local favorite fast food restaurant's Coke fountain, my eyes hypnotized by the bubbly elixir as it pours into my extra large plastic cup. First sip exposes a classic taste, the caramel-colored cocktail crashing down onto your tongue with all the grace of any mass-produced soft drink. The flavor profile is standard issue, vanilla, cinnamon, cloves and lemon all mixing to create what everyone and their mom thinks of when they hear the word "cola." Carbonation is heavy and harsh, beating your palate into a numb pulp before the carbohydrates begin destroying your dental hygiene; forty seven grams of pure can sugar means this has a fantastic mouthfeel, one rich with a slight grainy texture and formidable heft. But the problem here is the use of a can used versus the company's historic preference to glass bottles, as everything has a slight metallic stain, pushing an otherwise familiar experience over the edge to one that is overly and overtly commercialized. It is tasty but unambitious.
Remember, this is not an energy drink, just a soda with 160 milligrams of caffeine. Totally different, do you hear me? The buzz is alright, lasting a bit over two hours before I began to wonder what else I had caffeinated in my fridge. Overall, Jones Cola Soda + Caffeine is classic not classy; it is what Coca-Cola Energy should have been.
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