Rip It Melon' Hi G.O.A.T Watermelon Energy Drink Review

Energy drink maker Rip It has five new energy drinks, according to their website, and of course the one I first locate is melon flavored. I do not mean to diss the fruit here, but so many other potent potable producers struggle so grandly that what makes me think that a third-rate company can somehow "figure it out?" And that is not a diss at them either, it is just that, I dunno, being a regular at dollar stores across America does not give you the most luxurious presence on the shelf.

As for the actual can, they have stuck with the same basic design language since I first started reviewing, so at least as far back as 2007, and it is, fine, I suppose. There is a bit too much text, especially towards the bottom-half, meaning that I truly do not know the "real" name of the product on offer. Is it "Melon' Hi?" Or is it "G.O.A.T Watermelon?" Or is it "Melon' Hi G.O.A.T Watermelon?" Why is this so complicated!?

The flavor is better than it has any right being, and part of that was the extremely wise decision to take the "reduced calorie" approach: we have both high fructose corn syrup, sixteen grams of the sticky sweet stuff, kept in check by (and keeping in-check the) sugar-free sweetener sucralose, so sips are have a certain weight to them without becoming too heavy. It really is the perfect saccharinity; I just wish what it was sweetening was more interesting. It is less watermelon in the sense of confection, more in-line with the produce aisle than anything else, with some kiwi present just for nuance, but it barely registers on the tongue, and what does mirrors flesh of a fruit not quite ripe. And the more ounces my body depleted from the sixteen ounce transport, the more an earthy funk crept in that eventually pushes the whole experience a bit too close to resembling cucumber more so than anything else. And, if I might add, I have had a cucumber energy drink before, so it would not even be that new. But it is the carbonation that kept me imbibing, well that and it is my job: a plucky effervescence that gentle yet bold, drinking like a premium seltzer instead of some dollar-plus discount store denizen.

For some reason, there is no mention of the caffeine content anywhere on the can, so at least there is their website. It claims we have 160 milligrams of my namesake chemical, but then again, their internet presence also says a can has 200 calories instead of seventy, so who the hell knows. Dear Rip It, get your act together. You are so close to being great and it is frustrating to see you squander your potential, again.

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