Wednesday, December 31, 2025

2025's Your Drink Sucks

Plenty of energy drinks in 2025 sucked, the fire one gets inside from a truly revolting would-be refreshment sometimes more fun than suffering through sips of so many subpar soft drinks. My Pulitzer Prize must still be lost in the mail.

*these are not necessarily products that were released in 2025, but rather those that were reviewed here in 2025.*


Black Rifle Ranger Berry Zero Sugar

Regardless as to your political affiliations, this is a dreadful tasting energy drink.






Alani Nu Cosmic Stardust

Just because I appreciate the brand's dedication to funky flavors does not mean I should sanction their failures.





Java Monster Triple Shot French Vanilla

This will not be appearing on any "visit France" travel brochures.








Mtn Dew Baja Cabo Citrus

Too much sugar and little else, Mtn Dew blind experiments end up taking precious retail store real estate from other, more competent caffeinated cocktails.







Red Bull Zero Sugar Passion Fruit

This Chinese import just tasted wrong.








Lucky OG Luck

The can, for as confused as it is, had a kind of cockeyed appeal to it. The buzz was pretty good. But the taste, yuck; this is Red Bull made by people who have never tasted Red Bull.









G Fuel Miami Nights

With a visual style that rocks, the misguided flavor and enervated buzz really disappoint.











Cypher Ponche De Fruitas

Tasting like a cough drop dropped in plotting soil, Cypher Ponche De Fruitas' truly terrible taste will haunt my palate until the day I myself am in the dirt.

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