Prime Tropical Punch Energy Drink Review

Prime is a better looking energy drink than it has any right being, from its easy-to-read text to sublime name to minimalist visuals, I like it. But today here we have a bright crimson can and an alleged flavor of tropical punch instead of fruit punch. Not that there is necessarily any difference, or anything wrong with that, but my logic-senses are tingling and I hate it when that happens.

The flavor is everything you want from a punch but nothing else, the likes of guava, pineapple, lime and orange all come barreling out of this twelve ounce can. What they lack is subtly they make up for with honesty: it is true all we get is "natural flavors," with the closest thing to actual juice here being coconut water, but there is not a sip that is gulped that does not mimic the fruits with the verve and verisimilitude of honest nectar. Ace-k and sucralose do the sweetening and do it well, sure no tongue could ever mistake them for actual carbohydrates, but they never tasted artificial here, which is a win if they ever needed one. But like the rest of the Prime line, what sets this experience apart from, oh let us say "Zoa Fruit Punch," is the sourness, which is powdery, plucky and puckering. It makes each mouthful a joy, and if this came in the larger standard-issue sixteen ounce can, it would only be a benefit.

200 milligrams of caffeine is just what my body needed, and Prime delivers (no, not that Prime). The buzz lasts a solid three hours, and yeah sure I have had better, but not many. Other ingredients include B vitamins, taurine, inositol, things like that. It is hard to write a truly impartial review, but even I would be skeptical on my rather glowing endorsement here, but I assure you, this really is that solid.

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Juice Monster Rio Punch Energy Drink Review

As The Caffeine King was on the hunt this year's annual "The Summer Edition" from Red Bull, instead a new Monster appeared, the curiously named "Rio Punch." Oh, I am sorry, this is actually a Juice Monster. Whatever. 

The can is fun to look at fortunately, the usual Monster visual language brought to life with bright colors. The back of it claims the flavor to be a "blend of exotic fruit flavors with a hint of spice," where as the website claims more specifically it to be "papaya, vanilla ice cream and black currant." Which is it!?

Upon first sip, I am surprised at how accurately the latter's mention of vanilla ice cream is. Mouthfuls have this smooth, nearly creamy texture, as if the thousands, if not millions, of little bubbles were wearing padding. It does not necessarily sip like dairy, but there is enough milky taste that it puts this Juice Monster in the upper echelon of unique energy drinks from a super-mega-canned-caffeine-cocktail-conglomerate. Sadly there is zero spice to be tasted, be it vanilla or any other, so while this does taste like vanilla ice cream, it is sadly generic vanilla ice cream. Or worse, gasp, vanilla frozen dairy dessert. As for papaya and black currant, the jury is still out, as the remainder of the experience is murky and ill-defined, citrusy without distinction. The thirty three grams of sugar, all of which is labeled "added," gives gulps a good bit of heft, but it is diluted by the inclusion of the diet sugar sucralose. I am usually a fan of these reduced calorie beverages, but the liquid passes past my tongue without leaving much of an impression.

With 160 milligrams of caffeine, the buzz is basic and unimpressive, lasting two hours. We also get B vitamins, ginseng, taurine, you know the drill. On the whole, Juice Monster Rio Punch fails to punch above its weight class. 

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Zoa Dwanta's Holiday Punch Energy Drink Review

My brother-in-law, a big fan of Zoa Energy, affectionately refers to them as "Dwayne's," and now, well, here's Zoa "Dwanta's" Holiday Punch. It is a Festivus miracle!

Anyway, the can here is not exactly "good" but it is playful and pleasant, and honestly, I am kinda just happy that there exists a Christmas energy drink outside of, oh I dunno, Red Bull's yearly "Winter" drinks. But the Santa-with-muscles looks about as much like Dwayne as I look like said brother-in-law.

Of course, everyone knows that on The Caffeine King we have already reviewed the company's "Tropical Punch," but without a can for comparison, who knows if this is simply a repackaging. It certainly smells better than that beverage did, with an indistinct fruitiness that is more playful than spoiled pouring out from the open can. The flavor is front-loaded with cherry, backed up by guava, cranberry and a touch of lemon. I wish the latter brought with it more acidity, but hey that is on me: I did not put it on my holiday wishlist. Sucralose and ace-k sweeten but there is this herbal funk that occupies a large portion towards the back of your tongue, something more in-line with monk fruit extract or Stevia than the synthetic sugars we have here. But with just twelve ounces on offer, the aluminum transport is depleted just before it becomes an issue. But it is a taste that should not be here, unless Dwanta here is insinuating I have been naughty this year.

160 milligrams of caffeine is... fine, I guess, but The Rock is supposed to be this big, larger-than-life personality that I honestly doubt such a standard quantity of the stimulant would do much for him. Or for me for that matter, but hey, what do I matter? I am just the critic. Humbug.

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Zoa Tropical Punch Energy Drink Review

I hate it when energy drinks shrink in size. Inflation? Who knows and that is not exactly the point. Consumers have expected sixteen ounces up until recently from Zoa, but now were are stuck with a measly twelve. I would care far less if the visuals were appealing, but the bright blues are just too mild for founder Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's muscular personality.

The flavor is fortunately better than the brand's earlier "Fruit Punch," but that is faint praise considering how awful it was. Without any actual juice, the likes of pineapple, passionfruit, guava, and orange crash on the palate without much in the way grace or any real purpose. They are clunky and awkward together, lacking a centralized core, a single flavor or characteristic to bring cohesiveness to the short-lived experience. I wish acidity was the binder, as it is initially bright and lively, but before your tongue can make its way through all the parts of the punch, it dies into a weak sauce sourness. That is dually a shame, as the sweetness, sole sweetener sucralose, needs something to combat the slight falseness it introduces just by existing. I wish this tasted better, I really do.

160 milligrams of caffeine, the same as when the line was canned in larger cans, the two hour long kick kicks well enough but is unspectacular. Overall, Zoa Tropical Punch does not taste, look or perform as well as it should.

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Adrenaline Shoc 04 Fruit Punch Smart Energy Drink Review

This can to our right is quite the looker, free of clutter and embracing the art of simplicity. Your eyes are given room to soak in the starkly uninterrupted red backdrop, unsure how to handle themselves without the usual busyness. Spot this in your local store's chill chest however, and a problem emerges; the edge holding the cans in place can completely obscure the logo here, as it did for me, so at first glace this is just an empty piece of metal.

The flavor is most certainly fruit punch, but not for the better. The produce at play today are a most generic bunch, mostly cherry, apple, and lime, with a slight undercurrent of guava. Absent are many of the usual suspects, such as pineapple and passionfruit, making for an experience that just tastes "off," a simple dish mislaid of crucial ingredients. What is most missed is the acidity those pieces of nectar would introduce, resulting in a sourness that crumbles beneath the imposing weight of the artificial saccharinity combatting the herbal grossness of all the supplements inside. Sucralose and ace-k, the default diet sugar duo, have their work cut out for them but fail, focusing not on correctly sweetening the flavors. Instead the team fights a cascade of caffeine, amino acids, and other additives, disregarding how it impacts the drinker's appreciation of the vegetation just as long as they do not notice any bitterness. It is a strange mix of ideas, as it ignores the drinker while simultaneously trying what is best for them.

The energy here is probably why anyone would pick up a can; 300 milligrams is a cool amount, and the buzz received is no slouch, lasting three hours. Overall, Adrenaline Shoc 04 Fruit Punch works against itself and the consumer. The drinker ends up losing, but not by much.

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Realtree Outdoor Hydration Country Punch Energy Drink Review

This five-calorie potation is not too hard on the eyes. I mean, sure, its corporate "outdoors" look is forced, but that is okay, I have learned to stop caring. What do I still care about then? For starters, three fonts is too much; perhaps your designers should stop hunting and start working. And I have met plenty of "outdoorsy" people, and I have never seen one of them write in cursive.

Every sip lacks the potent saccharinity the fruity cocktail demands; sucralose works alone here, but this is why it never should. The effervescent famine helps the weight of each imbibe, the sham sugar having none of the heft of its caloric cousin, and its crawling density almost pacifies the sugar's melancholic absence. But the poverty of carbonation is less of a virtue than anticipated for this Realtree attempt, no matter the wonders it does for the dull taste. The experience needs desperately some levity, something to freshen up the adamant lugubriosity, and the bubbly deficiency only throws thirty pound weights on an already slow turtle. Flavors are scarce, the guava, pineapple, cherry, and lime, you know, the usual suspects, are crushed and muddled into a deplorably one-dimension cocktail. There is zero depth, no jazzy kick, playful nuance, or even obligatory acidity- just a flat taste of fruit punch by someone who probably never tasted fruit punch... or even punched a fruit.

Each can contains: taurine, B vitamins, and caffeine. The buzz at least does its job, kicking for roughly an hour and a half or so. In the end, Realtree Outdoor Hydration Country Punch is not only loquacious; it is laborious.

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Mtn Dew Sangrita Blast Review

Another former Taco Bell soda exclusive, Sangrita Blast can now be bought at your local mega mart. Its can is standard for a soda, however this Dew version is a pinkish red with some urban graphics and unnecessary text underneath the variety's name.

Its flavor lacks much of the "Dew" the brand is somehow famous for, with an overreliance on an indistinct, bedimmed brew of cherry, guava and orange. Any of the company's trademark taste is restricted to a sluggish lime and lemon bite, weighed down by the beverage's heavy sugary syrupiness. It is a dissonant experience, one with a porcine dulcitude but gossamery taste; your palate is coated by a dense film of sugar but with little flavor inside. Tartness and nuance is exchanged for sordid saccharinity, HFCS and sucrose makes the forty three grams seem like an underestimate. The effervescence is truly disturbing; perfunctory carbonation that languishes on your tongue, seemingly fizzing out before it can even transport the supine savors from the can to your trembling tongue.

Each can contains: a lot of sugar, 160 calories, and fifty four grams of caffeine. Its terrible taste is not worth the belt-breaking carbohydrates, although this is nothing new for the brand. Overall, Mtn Dew Sangrita Blast is just another misguided and ignoble release.

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Eternal Energy Tropical Shot Review

For eighty eighty cents at the local Wally World, this little Eternal Energy Shot certainly could have turned out optically worse. The color scheme is good but basic, with rather generic graphics and glaringly empty space above the lowercase logo. The text is probably more undistinguished (cue the "Wake Up: Feel Great: Live Healthy" slogan), and there is not any real reason why the flavor, 'Tropical Punch,' is listed both at the top and bottom.

Fragrantly chalky, the flavor is not a whole lot better. Unexpectedly bitter with a moldy texture and indistinct taste, rough notes of cherry is about how tropical things gets here. You do gradually become accustomed to the astringency, with raspberry, cranberry, and perhaps guava poking into the experience. But it is hardly premium, and even the required chaser struggled to disguise the harrowing flavor, especially as more sips were sipped. Tartness is absent and sweetness only scarcely does its job, artificial with coarse flavor its own. Overall, you will not enjoy these two ounces, plain and simple.

Aside from the usual suspects; caffeine, taurine, guarana, there are also rare faces like; quercetin, green tea, yerba mate, several fruit extracts (obviously no flavor was extracted), and a slew of long worded ingredients. The taste obviously was affected by the twenty five plus long cocktail, but it helped the kick clock in at just above two hours. It was strong and steady, without crash but far from the most potent. In the end, you do at least reap some rewards if you can stomach this.

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