Saturday, September 14, 2013

H10O Women Tropical Energy Drink Review

Belligerently sexist like a trailer-park husband in a white tank top, this newly unearthed line of beverages makes varieties exclusively for both genders. I mean, apparently we live in a world where the way you piss determines what you drink. Fortunately, I had my high heels and wig in the car, so I was able to buy this flavor for review.

Sweet perfumes pour out from under the cap, pheromones considerably more flavorful than the flavor itself. Being a water with zero calories locks the taste into the realm of blandness, a platitudinous experience hardly tropical. There is no pithy fruit in any of the many unpleasant sips, nothing precise or even distracted to move the rotund near-sixteen ounce serving along. Temperate tastes of citrus and berry vanish in an aquatic tempest of nothing, approximate flavors who's monotonousness uncertainty makes for a disturbingly drudging affair. Oh, and it does not taste any better in drag, either.

Eighty milligrams of caffeine must be all us women (and men in makeup) can handle, along with measly amounts of vitamins. The kick is so poor that exposing its potency and length would be like making fun of Forrest Gump. (Or a man in a dress, you bullies)! To end, this drink sucks, and in case you did not see it coming, sucks like a man in fishnet stockings.

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