Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Your Drink Sucks: 2013

With an industry losing interest in your classic energy drink, the favor towards these "waters" and "coffees" are flooding store shelves with premature catastrophes. Although there were still some plain-ol' energy drinks reviewed that more than deserve mention here, you will find most are garbage, non-effervescent, diet, natural... "energy" beverages. They probably should just sell most in Draino bottles, because they are gonna end up in the same place.

*these are not necessarily products that were released in 2013, but rather those that were reviewed in 2013.

AJ's Rush

In the year 2013, Red Bull clones are inexcusable, especially bad ones.

Xenergy + Hydration Grape

Xenergy, a once proud company with unprecedented edge, has softened into a mess of missed opportunities, which would be fine if the drinks were still good. Xenergy + Hydration Grape is not good.

Swing Juice Orange Mango

Usually, products end up on this annual list primarily due to flavor, but this beverage is a shining example of how something can fail so hard in every way.

AreoShot Lime

Here we have stupidity masquerading as inventiveness and revolution, a stale and downright repulsive experience who's flavor burns almost as much as its $2.69 price tag.

Sports Bean Assorted

These are neither energy products nor candy products; and you had better get at least one right if you are trying for two.

Starbucks Low Calories Iced Coffee

Broken glass; that is the noise of Starbucks hitting rock bottom. And oh look, this just happens to come in a glass bottle...

Mtn Dew Kickstart Fruit Punch

Something could suffer from stupidity and still be successful, but this drink is only successfully stupid.

Feel Raspberry Lemonade

You know a drink is bad when it is only ten and a half ounces and still a struggle to finish. This is one such drink.

Archer Farms Sugar Free Grapefruit

Redundant, repetitive, repulsive, and ridiculous. That 'bout sums this drink up.

Rip It Sting-eR-Mo Sugar Free

The last crap energy drink of the year, this Rip It variety is shamefully shameful.

H10O Women Tropical Energy

This segregationist soft drink was probably the hardest to write the review for, considering press-on nails make it difficult to type. The worst drink of 2013? It just may be.

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