Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Your Drink Sucks 2014 Edition

Whether they were sent from the company, discount store finds, or full-priced convenience store dwellers, it seems no company was immune from releasing bad beverages this year.

*these are not necessarily products that were released in 2014, but rather those that were reviewed in 2014.

Vuka Workout Zo-Cal

A mediocre drink when sweetened with actual sugar, Stevia truly taints the brand's solid pedestrian reputation.

Loop Zero

An inferior generic take on the second-rate Monster Zero Ultra, it dilutes an already watery flavor and fluxes on more water. A pointless aberration of a pointless beverage, moving on.

AMP Gold

The company's Dale Jr. Sour flavor almost edged this autumn-inspired catastrophe off the list, but just take my word on this: just avoid the line all-together.

Rockstar Sugar Free

Pure Zero Mango Orange Passion Fruit almost snagged this spot, but that drink at least had 240 milligrams of caffeine. With its highlight its uninspired 160 mg-powered buzz, Rockstar Sugar Free is a stale revision of a relic of the early last decade.

Hansen's Diet Energy Diet Red

I almost did not included this drink due to just how silly it is! Eight ounces?! "Diet" in its name twice?! Red Bull clone?! Still?! It is 2014 Hansen's, get your act together.

Stewart's Sugar Free Impact

Like the mini mart's crap beer in the neighboring chill-chest, there is simply no room in the world for waste like this.

Wired Strawberry Lemonade Energy Drink

What really stings here is the caffeine content: less than 100 milligrams and it is sixteen ounces! That would not be a problem if the rest of the drink was decent- no, wait, it is piteous and that is putting it mildly.

AJ's Rush Energy Sugar Free

Hello AJ's Energy Rush Sugar Free, are you the worst drink reviewed in 2014? No, well, given how relentlessly inadequate you are, I am really concerned about number one.


There are acquired tastes, like beer, dark chocolate and coffee. Then there is retched abominations where you would have pay a great sum of cash to get someone to finish a can with a smile on their face. Aquadopa, I do not care if your company supplied samples for free. This drink sucks and there is no other opinion.

1 comment:

Vuka Energy Drinks said...

Ouch! We'd hate to think of ourselves as pedestrian ;)

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